Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy

Last year, I decided to leave home. It was a bold step for me seeing that my culture encourages unmarried ladies to stay grounded at home until Mr. Right comes around. After a tumultuous undergrad journey, I decided to pursue my graduate studies. As an immigrate (unfortunately…) I had to anticipate out-of-state fees even though I have been in the United for States for more than 10 years (do not ever overstay a visa in America). Grad school meant staying at home to go to school which to me really sucked (my biggest regret in life!).

My Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy journey began in May 2019 when I finally graduated from grad school (Thank God!) For those who do not know me, I am noticeably big on family. Last year was the most pivotal year in my Nigerian journey in the United States. I did not realize going to school and staying at home was a big mistake. It was last year that I finally realized that I should have left home sooner than I did. I hope you learn from my mistake.

One can argue, there is no healthy family because there is no perfect family. That is true! I think what I am trying to say is you need to be in a healthy environment. It is important for your growth and your peace of mind. Sometimes, I wonder the person I would have been if I had left home earlier. Would have I been happier? Smarter? Who knows… I am all for the Nigerian culture but I think your peace of mind is more important.

In my opinion, I was the perfect daughter. I had faced something tumultuous in my undergrad but I persevered. I didn’t really have a real boyfriend until I was 30 years (I am 31 now). I followed all the rules, heck! I was a choir director at my church for 4 years. I was the praise and worship leader at some point. I was humble, thoughtful, and respectful. I was meticulous to make sure I did not bring shame to my family.

I thought home was supposed to be an incubator of positive minds and energy. My home environment from 2012-2019 turned out to be a nightmare. It has always been a nightmare, but last year took the blindfold from my eyes. Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy is my journey to heal from all the negativity 2012-2019 brought my way.

I love Jesus. I have always had a soft spot for God from an incredibly young age. I took my relationship with God more seriously in my High School years. I would spend days fasting and praying for days. I would post bible verses all over my side of the wall when I shared a room with my immediate older sister. I didn’t do these things so I would be viewed differently by my parents or family members. I honestly took my relationship with God to another level.

I remember when I started my period (menstrual cycle) and my mother told me “don’t play with boys” that was her failed attempt in teaching me about the birds and the bees. From that point onward, my mother has had an interesting relationship with my stomach. Huh? Exactly. You heard me, my stomach or abdominal area. I remember one faithful Sunday wearing an outfit and going to ask my mother what she thought about the outfit. She had nothing to say yet, proceeded to lift my shirt to look at my stomach. She could not find what she was looking for there. She proceeded to look at my breast. I did not understand what this meant until I got older.

For my non-Nigerian Readers, most Nigerian mother’s biggest fear is their daughter getting pregnant out of wedlock. I cannot remember what year I started my period. From the time I started my period till 2019, my mother had suspected me of per-marital pregnancy.

Mind you, I did not get my first boyfriend still I was 30 years old. Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy is a journey I should have embarked on years ago. The worse part my mothers’ suspicion was that she brought it to church. With my eyes closed, hands raised high, I would open my eyes to my very observant mother eyes’ wide open and looking at my abdomen. I was not a flat belly kind of chick which made matters worse.

I did everything right. I graduated undergrad. I worked. I paid my bills religiously. I contributed to the household to the best of my ability. If there were other expectations of me, there were not clearly stated and thus, absolutely none of my business. I put myself in grad school and paid my way through with less than 11,000 in debt even after paying out of states fees. I worked hard to not disgrace my family, yet my good deeds were completely ignored. I was obviously too good to be true which is why someone would open their eyes in the presence of God to scrutinize the size of my belly in Church. In 2019, I completely lost it!

This post is not to make my mother look bad. She was not the only person who was suspicious of my per-marital woes. There were other women in my church who did the same thing. Morale of this post is, it does not matter how good you are, people will put you in whatever bracket they choose to put you in. You must break free and stay true to yourself.

I give you permission to leave any environment that does not foster growth. You must leave any environment that sows negativity when you are trying to stay positive for yourself and your future. I did that. I left for my sanity. I left because I did not want to become a product of a toxic environment. You are a product of your environment if you continue to stay. Your life and future matters. Leave as soon as possible and get yourself a good therapist.  This is where the therapy part comes in.

The truth is hurt people hurt others. You must make time to forgive and heal from the negative influences of your environment. Your life is worth it. Please never stop healing..

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever”

Psalms 73:26

Forever the Best Father’s Day Gift

Father's Day 2017Father’s day is coming up!! My amazing  father will be here for father’s day.
The best gift a woman can give her children is to pick a good man for her future children. I think it is not wise to be having unprotected sex with any man you wouldn’t be proud to give your children as a father.

Please avoid these types of guys when you want children:

1. A guy who is currently not taking care of his children from previous relationships
2. A guy who has no financial capital to provide for your child
3. A guy has a crazy baby’s mama he cannot control.
4. A male who is obviously sleeping around with every female he comes in contact with.
5. A guy who doesn’t want kids.
6. A guy who is not prepared to have a baby.
7. A guy who has a reckless lifestyle with no clear plans of where he is going with his life.
8. A guy who is not responsible for himself. He has no control over his finances. His mother or father pays for this upkeep.
9. He doesn’t have any long-term goals that include you. If you want to get married before kids. He has no goals of marrying you.
10. The guy who you know obviously doesn’t like you. If you like him and think you can convert him to like you after a child, think again!! If you like him and he doesn’t like you, you are only hurting yourself having a baby with him.

Think about the type of father you want to give your children. Give your children a man they can be proud of. Give them a father who will do them right all the days of their life. Give them a man who will fight for them.

The best gift you can give your future children is to pick a good man to be their father!!

To all great fathers out there.. God bless You for all you do!

With love,

9jagirl4real

Photo Credit: Google

Financial Intelligence for Nigerian Men Dating Nigerian Women

Hey Everyone,
This is my first vlog on 9jagirl4real.
This is something new I am starting on this blog!!

The blog is about helping people, I apologize for the mistake in the video.
Thanks for watching.
Please post or email me your comments.
God bless!!!

The Fantasy of love and the reality of Marriage..

Tiwa Savage

From a young age, I have always known I would marry for love and nothing else.
I have grown to discover that is not enough.  I also have to use my head.
The reality is the heart will always want what it wants at all cost logical or illogical.

Be WISE!
Nowadays, love is not enough.
See your potential mate through the eyes of your future children, what would they say?
The person you choose could become the mother or father of your children.
Is this person the kind of mother or father you want for your children?
A wise man once said, “the spouse you choose is a reflection of your intelligence.”

Forget about their looks, money for once. Will your love stand the test of time?
Is your relationship built on a good foundation?
Will the strength of your love survive the test in marriage?
Whether you choose to stay or leave your marriage will affect your children.

Let’s make this practical.
You convinced a woman to marry you because you have money. Why are you surprise she left now that the money is gone? Whose fault is it?
Don’t blindly marry anybody. The reality of divorce is too real.

Know what you naturally like. Don’t settle for less and think you can change anybody when you enter marriage.
Don’t ignore anything that bothers you in the pre-marital stage thinking that marriage will solve it.
Marriage magnifies your problems.
Seek counsel from people in successful marriages.
Marry someone who genuinely loves you and you also love.

Life will test your marriage.
Equip your relationships with all the necessary tools you need to succeed in your marriage, you owe your children that much.

Take your time to build a solid foundation, so your love can stand the test of time.

Photo Credit: Google

 

Becoming the right person..

Shared from Letal Relationships 

470541_10151443395595393_544489815_oHeard a story of a brother and sister who attended the same church, got attracted to each other, started courting and eventually got married in the same church. Few weeks after their wedding, they had a misunderstanding and in the course of argument, the husband told the wife that if you say anymore word I will slap you and that she shouldn’t think he’s that kind of spiritual brother she met in church and that he only wanted to have a good wife in church and the wife also replied that if he dare slap her she will break bottle on his head and that she’s not the kind of spiritual sister he met in church and that she also wanted to get the right man in church. So that’s how two wrong partners in form of pretence got married.
The above story is just the truth about relationship, we were taught in physics that like charges repel while opposite charges attract but one of the things I’ve learnt in relationship is that like people attract and opposite people repel. You will attract the kind of person you are. A right person will attract the right partner while a wrong person will attract the wrong partner. So instead of hoping to find the right man/lady

for you, you can take time to ‘become the right person’ because the right partners are also looking for right persons that will complement them.

So let’s look at how to become the right person.

SELF-DISCOVERY: The fundamental thing required in becoming the right person is self-discovery. The problem we have among many young people is that they don’t know who they are and that is why they tends to dress anyhow, talk anyhow and do all manner of things just because they lack that sense of identity. The question is; who are you?Discovering yourself is not what you can do on your own, you don’t know yourself and once you don’t know the purpose of a thing abuse is inevitable. So self-discovery means knowing who you are and why you are created (your purpose). Until you know yourself, you can’t be the best that God wants you to be. It is in your discovery that you will get to know why you are created. It is your discovery that gives you an identity; it distinguishes you from everyone else and helps you to live life maximally. Discover your purpose today.

Like I said earlier that discovering yourself is not what you can do on your own, you don’t know yourself and it takes someone that knows you to reveal who you are to you. The only person who knows you is God (Jeremiah 1:5) and you need to have a relationship with God before He can reveal yourself to you, you need to be born again by accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and saviour. Jesus Christ is the one who connect us to God; He is the way to the Father (John 14:6).

For you to discover yourself, you must cultivate a daily relationship with God. You can only discover your purpose out of an intimacy with God. The more of God you know or the more you know God, the more you know yourself. Before you think of choosing the right partner you must first become the right person. God wants you to know Him before you know the right partner.

Adam had a personal relationship with God before God brought him a wife, let God form you and put you in the right place. You are to carry your relationship with God into your relationship with the opposite sex. Your relationship with God should be guideline for your relationship with the opposite sex. Spend time to study the word of God and let it become a part of you; discover the truth about you from the word of God. When you inquire of God, He answers you (Jeremiah 33:3)

Marriage is a continuation of God’s plan for your life; it is not something you can just rush into because the bulk of your life will be spent in marriage. So take time to discover yourself in God, discover your purpose and ensure you cultivate a daily relationship with God.

DESIRE AND DECIDE IT: It is not enough to wish to be the right person; you must desire it and decide you will be the right person no matter what. God honours our desires especially when we tell it to him in prayers (mark 11:24), so you must desire to be the right person and also pray that God make you the right person. Also, you are where you are today because of the decisions you have taking over time. The firm decision you take will help you to pay the sacrifices needed to become the right person. Daniel decided not to defile himself (Daniel 1:8), so you too can decide today to become the right person.

ADD VALUE TO YOUR SELF: One of the things that give us an edge in life is knowledge. Knowledge is life and power. You are who you are today because of what you know and what you don’t know.  You are also responsible for what you know or don’t know.

So in order for you to become the right person, you must keep adding value to yourself (2 Peter 1:5-8), study books and materials that will make you become a better person. You also need wisdom, ask God for wisdom (James 1:5). Wisdom will make all the difference in your life. So get wisdom (Proverb 4:5-7).

Discover your talent, skill-up in the area of your talent, then decide and begin to deliver solutions to human problems using your talent. Improve on yourself, dress decent and moderately; you will be addressed by the way you dress(your appearance matters a lot). Read books on leadership, relationship, business, attend seminars and apply what you’ve learnt to your life.

POSITIVE ASSOCIATION: The people you associate with matters a lot in determining who you will become. Like the popular saying that says show me your friends and I will tell you who you are, you must be mindful of the people you associate with. Associate with godly people and make friends with people you know you want to be like. If you must become the right person, you must make conscious effort to select who you associate with. He that walks with the wise shall be wise (prov 13:20).

MIND YOUR MIND

You need to mind what you allow into your mind. It also goes a long way in determining who you will turn out to be. Carefully scrutinize the materials you feed on. You are a product of what you allow into your life. So you must constantly guard your heart (prov 4:23). The songs you listen to, the movies you watch and the magazine you read all contribute to who you become in life. You need to constantly renew your mind with the word of God and disabuse your mind from various lies and deceit of the devil. Let the word of God transform you into the right person you want to become (Rom 12:2).

Thanks for reading

Shared from Letal Relationships. Please check out their blog.

My friendship with Mr. B..

Who is Mr. B? Mr. B is a childhood friend who attended the same after church service I attended when we were younger in Nigeria. He is now grown, smart and very fine in the United Kingdom. He doesn’t remember me from his childhood, so we had to get to know each other all over again.

Mr. B and I talked for a few months until something interesting happened. When Mr. B talked to me, I honestly thought he was talking to me as a friend with no strings attached until Mr. C came into the picture. Mr. C is his friend in the States. Mr. C started throwing games my way and Mr. B became jealous, I could tell. Mr. B didn’t know I was already interested in him, I wish he had said things in time. It was after Mr. C came into the picture was when I knew how Mr. B really felt. At the time I was very angry about the situation because I was put in this very weird situation.

Regardless, I have a lot of respect for Mr. B. If Mr. C didn’t come into the picture, I would still be talking to Mr. B as if nothing serious would happen. He later told me that his goal was to pursue friendship first. I absolutely respect that. Most guys who come into my life, don’t value friendship anymore. There are somethings about Mr. B I don’t like hey, nobody is perfect.  This guy rocks!!!  He could be playing me though, who knows?!

“As for life every turn of it has it reasons, and once we are in God’s calendar what was meant to be would always be”-Mr. B
Note to Mr. B:
None of this is relevant.

Only for Women with Good black men..

Ladies, when was the last time you appreciated your black man?
In a society where black men are perceived in a negative light, it is your responsibility to appreciate your good black man.
Our good black men need more accolades.
Our men are not all bad.
It is rough for our men out there; they have to deal with all types of prejudices, social injustices, racism and much more..
Honor your good black man!!
You don’t have to wait till his birthday to appreciate him.
Your man has a choice to stop providing for his family, but he wakes up every day to make sure his family is ok.
He needs to be appreciated.
Tell him what his presence means to you and your family.
Have the kids do something special to honor him.

Being a black man in America is not easy.
A black man has to work extra hard in environment that was designed to work against him.
The outside world has wolves ready to tear him down.
You have a good black man who takes care of you, his kids and household?
Please, give him the honor and respect, he deserves.

To good black men out there, who treat their women well, raise their kids and do the right thing: I SALUTE you!!

Appreciate your man

WHITE GIRLS in Nigeria

Before and AfterTo all the white girls in Nigeria and the future white girls wannabe’s, BEWARE!!
If you are going to bleach, get ready for these:

Dark gray spots: (All over the skin you are trying to bleach)

  • Skin cancer: (I hope you saved up money for chemotherapy. Buy a good wig because your hair will fall out as a side-effect to chemotherapy. If you don’t have money for chemotherapy then, good luck!!)
  • Acne
  • Swelling of the skin: (you want to walk around looking like a monster, go for it)
  • Thinning of the skin
  • Cataracts:  (clouds the lens in your eyes. Google it.)
  • Setting down of fat on face, chest, upper back and stomach: (get ready to gain more weight.)
  • Increase in appetite and weight gain
  • Osteoporosis: (it affects your bones.)
  • Neurological and kidney damage due to high level of mercury used in the creams- (No amount of attention is worth you losing your kidneys. Ladies, stop this nonsense.. Wake up from this madness, seriously! Stop with this stupidity.)
  • Psychiatric disorders: (depression- no matter how fair you look, you will never feel beautiful.)
  • Severe birth defects: (it could affect your future unborn children)
  • Asthma
  • Liver damage
    (http://www.indiaparenting.com/beauty/article)
  • Seeing all these negative consequences, do you think its still worth it bleaching your skin? Who told you were not good just the way you are? Newsflash: Nobody can tell you something, you didn’t already tell yourself. Bleaching is not the answer for an internal problem. Get a mental image of who are and fix that first. Fixing the outside comes with a price that will affect you for the rest of your life.Stop letting society define you, define yourself for ONCE.

    Truthfully, anything or guy that wants to subject you to these unnecessary health problems is not worth your time. LOVE YOURSELF. TELL YOURSELF, YOUR ARE BEAUTIFUL. SAY IT UNTIL YOU BELIEVE IT.

God bless the Broken Road..

God bless the Broken Road..

Recently, I find myself asking God “why?”
We serve an amazing God that even when negative things happen in our lives; he uses it for a greater good.

So when negative things happen in my life, I tell God “thank you for the broken road,” it’s through the broken road that I really understand God’s sovereignty.
The broken road tells me about myself and pulls me closer to God.
The broken road allows me to trust God’s plan and purpose for my life.
The broken road gives me a testimony to encourage others.

As Christians we are not immune to struggles, pain, tears and problems.
However, he promised he will never leave us nor forsake us.
I don’t complain about the broken road because it is part of the journey.
The broken road allows me to use my pain to help others.

Thank God for the broken Road!!!!

What does the broken road mean to you?

Green Card Marriages: Don’t be a Victim

As a Nigerian blogger, I have avoided posting anything about green cards marriages for various reasons. I was fine with my reasons until someone left this comment.

That is true because I manipulated an American girl to get green card, and after I got her pregnant, I went back to Nigeria that to be with a another girl who turns out to be a gold digger.

When I saw that comment, I got angry as to why this person decided to infect my day with their comment. I am not discouraging anybody from posting comments but this comment carried a lot of weight which I have to address.

Every year men and women become victims to green card marriages in the name of love; however, it doesn’t mean that every foreigner you meet without a green card is after you for a green card. Personally, I think people shouldn’t marry for anything else but love. In the perfect world everyone marries for love. In reality, everybody marries for a lot of reason

There are obviously some things that you should watch out for-check out this amazing website that has some signs you should watch out for. I agree with 95% of the signs that the lady outlined that’s why I am sharing this link with you. This link also has lots of stories from people which I think you can benefit from.

Marriage is very complex and everybody’s case is different. Ladies, two things signs that you should clearly watch out for:

  1. He pushes you into the marriage: he threatens to leave the relationship if you don’t obey his demands. In this situation, he is only thinking about himself and not what’s best for the relationship. If he can’t wait, you have every right to question his intentions.
  2. He purposes before you meet him. If you are an intuitive person, trust your instincts. If something doesn’t seem right then you need to take a step back and reevaluate. Let your family members and friends meet him, if something is not right they will tell you. Don’t be so blinded by love that you ignore the truth.

Love yourself enough so you can recognize when someone is trying to take advantage of you. Take your time; don’t let anybody rush you to do anything you don’t want to do. Love is anything but selfish.

Marriage is not a joke especially with children involved. TAKE YOUR TIME!! Time will reveal the true character of a person. If you don’t have the time, let them go.
Wait! There’s hope: check out this story.