My birthday Tomorrow..

My birthday is tomorrow. For some reason, I will feel like I have failed God, my family and myself for my present position in life right now. Questions like “God you know how hard I worked hard and how I tried to make time for you.” I did everything in my power to conquer failure but at the end that was my result.

The last few years has taught me the power of my thoughts. I can use my mind to build or destroy my future. That’s exactly what happened, I used my mind prior to me starting this journey to destroy my own future. The bible says he has set before us blessings and curses (Deu 30:19). We have the power to chose. Yes, we have already made our decisions by our thoughts. I choose to nurture failure, fear, defeat that wasn’t his will for me. I nurtured it in the womb of my mind till I conceived it. I am not who people say I am, I am who I created myself to be by my thoughts

A wise book taught me not to blame others for my mistakes. The bible says “as a man thinks in his heart so is he”-Prov. 23:7 This scripture is absolutely true. My life conceived my thoughts and reflected how I really saw myself. It showed the depth of my unbelief to not cast my cares upon him. God’s word is black and white with no hidden secrets except mysteries that are yet to be revealed.

What am I trying to say? I am living the reality, I imagined. What are you imagining? Where is your imagination taking you? My motivation to study day-in and out was because I wanted to conquer failure. Failure consumed my thoughts with every waking moments. I’d channel my life around my class room and the library. I cut off most of my friends because of the fear of failure. It dominated my thoughts that nothing else mattered to me than studying not to show myself approved unto God but to undermined my thoughts. I thought if I studied more, I defeat this impending doom.

My motivation to please God in my studies became a minority in my thought life while fear became the majority. I studied in and out. It really wasn’t going anywhere because if you don’t pause to defeat fear, the enemy will use it in such a way to defeat you. I mediated on 2 Tim 1: 7 “God has not given us the spirit of fear but of power, love and sound mind”…but I didn’t study it long enough to completely wither the thoughts.

The enemy will tell you fear is ok. My brothers and sisters in Christ don’t buy into that lie. Fear is antagonist to Faith. The enemy responds to fear. God responds to Faith. Fear gives the enemy access into our lives. Faith moves God to do something. Fear is a spirit, and God has not given us such spirit. God has already equipped us with everything we need to be successful. Colossians 2:10 says we are “complete in him”.. are u? Am I?

I am learning to grasp the future I want by changing my thinking to line up with God’s word. In a few hours, I will celebrate another one yr added to me. Yes, I am not where I want to be at this age but am optimistic about tomorrow because I know who holds my future.


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