By: Caleb Jones
When I became a man
I put away childish things
But before I became a man
I didn’t always fit the shoes of a King
I was a child trying to find his way
The toys I played with kept my eyes occupied
And left my eyes in a lustful boyish frenzy
My playmates had long legs, short skirts and soft skin
They cared enough to lie down and wallow with me often
Jezebel turned out to be my very best friend
I’d look in her eyes before ever seeing the sunrise
Every time I paid her a visit and slept in
Before I became a man
I saw how God made Adam from dust
So likewise I tried to make love out of lust
I didn’t know any better
I was taught by example
“Let your mouth spit game, but never let your heart say much, ”
I treated his daughters like beauty pageant contestants
There would be zero return on their investments
Proverbs 31 was never a criterion for my selection
Mind you, this was before I became a man.
This was about the time
that I took notes from a father figure
who really didn’t know how to be a father, go figure.
About the time that mum was a punching bag
because he was too afraid to take his frustration
out of on the world instead,
by simply enduring affliction,
yet during addiction,
he could go twelve rounds against the violent screams
of “Stop, Stop”
He was undefeated, he always won.
And I would stand in plane sight,
hoping that daddy sees,
Cos all I could say at the time was “daddy, please”
Mum didn’t deserve what she got
just because she didn’t satisfy daddy’s needs.
Before I became a man
I would unlock my daddy’s curse and free myself throw away the daddy’s key
I allowed anger to set up a construction company inside
Bitterness never rested
It left no time wasted
Whether Father loved me or not
All I could regurgitate was hatred
I became allergic to showing any form of compassion
Before I became a man
I was much shorter
Not just in height but in spiritual insight
Because I never had a picture
Nor did Pixar ever have a film
Showing me what God’s man really looked like
But when I became man
Oh, When I became a man
I learned how to love Father God right back
Even though I’m good at falling short of the glory
I reflect on my story
Through my praise I’ll self publish a testimony
When I became a man
I learned how to cry
Because I’m not ashamed of my tears
Either will my fears
muffle the groaning in my spirit.
Since I became a man
I’m not longer afraid of the dark
I’ll wrap my hands around James 5: 16
Confess, Pray, and Heal my Heart
I have discovered something
That there are medicinal qualities
Right down the corridor of introspection
When I became a man
I learned how to love her
My Esther, My Ruth
I learned how to honor her like she was Jesus’ mother
Because one day she’ll be pregnant
With the seed that will transport my legacy
So that my God and my name will both have longevity
Even after they bury me
I could not love her before
Because I was not able
My insecurities and my perfectionism had me
Looking in on the next best player
That was checking in at the scorer’s table
How could I possibly be her covering?
When I was an umbrella with holes in it
But I learned to love her like I ought to
Because I want Him to be my Father and my Father-in-law
Since that’s his daughter
When I became a man
I learned to love my brother
I’ll share my heart, my hug and my hallelujah
Because a hug and a hallelujah without my heart
Leaves room for his spirit to respond with “I never knew you”
I became a man so that when he became a man
He would know a man
Who picked up the gospel and put the toys away
