Dear Mr. Oreo,

How you dey? I am just here showing Mrs. Cabin biscuit this your video “Mr. Oreo.” I saw the video too.. It was nice sha, but mmm.. You already know what this letter is about so I am not going to front. I understand the message you were trying to convey, but couldn’t you do it and still call your video “Mr. Cabin biscuit.” Wait, why are you black on the outside and white on this inside? Wettin dey worry you?

No, I am not mad o, but I am just saying. Do you know how many Nigerian boarding students I have saved from starvation? Do you know that Nigerian boarding students cry to their parents if they don’t add me to their provisions? Do you know how many Nigerian families have me with groundnuts?

Don’t get me started.. I have a question for you Mr. Oreo. What has Oreo done for you that Mr. and Mrs. Cabin hasn’t done for you over the years? I have the right to vex. This is not fair now. I am here trying to save Nigeria from starvation and you are over there singing about Oreos. My friend you no get respect? Which kind wahala be this? I feel underappreciated in this country. This thing you do.. It no good o!!

I have talked to Mrs. Cabin biscuit about the consequences of your actions. Mrs. Cabin biscuit was even pleading with me to pardon you o(can you imagine?) I told her “forget that thing.” From the Cabin family to your family, we are banning you and your future generations from our savory taste. Don’t beg me; you have insulted me and my family. No Cabin Biscuit for you and your future generations. Look at Mrs. Cabin biscuit begging me. I think Mrs. Cabin biscuit is begging me because of your muscles. She said the Cabin family helped you gain all that muscle. Again.. You are BANNED from the Cabin Biscuits family.

I don’t understand why Nigerians are quick to promote foreigners before their own. Nigerians, it’s time to love yourselves. Mr. Oreo we are banning until you make a song about us na. My friend, you better respect yourself o.

Sincerely,
Mr. Cabin Biscuit and the Cabin Family

FYI: My family will be dancing to Kukere as we wait for our video. We expect our video by December 2015