Tag Archives: Couples

4 Present/Future Nigerian Parents

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Nigerians,
I laugh as I watch this video of our Nigerian Parents but deep down I am scared that some of us will use this parenting style to raise our kids.
A lot of Nigerians children including myself were raised with an authoritarian parenting style.

I learned in college that there are four types of parenting styles:

1. Authoritative: Here the parent set rules and boundaries. The parent is responsive and nurturing and the parent is less likely to control their kids by induction of shame, guilt or withdrawal of love (Source)
2. Authoritarian: Parents are very strict with their kids (Most Nigerians can relate)
3. Permissive: Parents act as a friend towards their kids.
4. Uninvolved: Parents don’t care about the child.

Source: http://blog.lib.umn.edu/meyer769/myblog/2011/11/the-four-types-of-parenting-styles.html

I grew up with parents who used authoritarian parenting style and I have seen its damaging effects. It scares me that more Nigerians couples and future parents will use this parenting style without questioning it.

I am pleading with you present/future Nigerian parents to use a different parenting style because an authoritarian parenting style doesn’t help kids develop emotionally. Based on my observation of myself and siblings, I can say this parenting style has different effects on children. For me, I noticed that I became emotionally distant from the people I love. Agreed, this parenting style produces obedient children but at the cost of their emotional development.

This parenting style produces negative results because God created parents to be nurtures not dictators. You can discipline your kids without withdrawing love from them. A lot of Nigerians think that discipline is a form of love and I completely agree, but discipline is not the only form of love.

Providing for your kids financially caters to their physical needs not their emotional needs. Nigerians parents, your kids need to know and feel loved by you. I knew my parents loved me by their actions but they didn’t do much to make me feel loved. This is why I hate this parenting style because it focuses more on discipline and neglects the emotional needs of children.

You need to balance the discipline with love. You need to make sure that your children feel loved. Cater to their emotional needs because it is important. You need to hug, kiss your child, talk and play with your children regularly this will help them with their emotional needs. Once in a while sit down and have a communication with them without scolding.

Again, your children knowing you love them is not enough; you need to physically hug, kiss, talk and play with your children to help them develop emotionally. Be affectionate towards your children. Children are a gift from God, enjoy the journey.

Rule of thumb: As the discipline goes up, the love needs to go up as well.

In summary: Discipline your kids and still be affectionate because it is important for their emotional development. 

Killing Lust Series: How to FIGHT Lust..

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You can’t flirt with the spirit of Lust because it will DESTROY YOU. I overcame lust in my life by praying and fasting. I fasted and prayed for God to deliver me from this wicked demon. The enemy wants you to be casual with your prayers as you fight against lust. This is not the time to be casual with your relationship with God.

2 Cor 10:4 “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds”

If you want to defeat this wicked demon, you have to do warfare. I did warfare by praying and fasting. This wicked spirit is out to completely ruin your life. Fight for your life and future by raging war against this spirit in prayers.

Lust is an aggressive demon, it will linger if you are casual with praying and fasting. For people who don’t know what fasting is? Fasting to some people mean a lot of things. Personally, I fast by abstaining from food to spend time with God. The most important thing about fasting is that you are abstaining from something and spending time with God(correct me if I am wrong). Whatever fasting is to you, do it.. Fight!

Don’t joke with the spirit of lust. God has the power to deliver us from anything but we have to cry out to him to help us.

More to come!!

Marriage Prep for Christian Singles (ladies Version)..

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  1.  Condition your mind to see every man as a brother.
    Why? Infidelity is toxic to marriage. You need to prepare your mind early that every guy is your brother. This will help keep your relationship with males in check before and after you are married. Even if you are engaged, you have to remember that this guy is your brother in Christ first, I know this is hard to do if you’re attracted to the person but you have to train your mind until after the wedding.
  2. Be complete in Christ.
    Why? Marriage and your husband can’t complete you. In fact, no one can complete us but God. If you are not happy now, trust me from what I have heard from couples, marriage wouldn’t make you any happier. To believe that someone will complete you is an absolute myth. Only God can fulfill us.
  3. Pray for God’s choice of a mate..
    Why? God knows us more than anyone, he is the best matchmaker cos he knows the person that will fix you best. Don’t pick someone and ask God for his blessing. Ask God, this person is interested in me is this the person you want me to marry. This is why it is very important we have a relationship with God where we can hear his voice clearly.

    God's love 2

    Be complete in Christ

  4. Learn to Cook…
    In American culture, it’s not a big deal if you don’t cook but in Nigerian culture, a woman who can’t cook is a disgrace to her family.
  5. Start now to pray for your marriage
  6. Abstain from sex till marriage- if you can have sex outside of marriage, you will have sex outside of your marriage. Studies show premarital sex increases risk for divorce–Read here– (http://www.focusonthefamily.com/about_us/focus-findings/marriage/premarital-sex-and-divorce.aspx)
  7. Learn to manage your money.. Please don’t bring children into this world with no plan how you will take care of them. It is your responsibility to take care of your kids not the government.
  8. Set your mind and keep it set that when you marry that divorce is not an option. If you are engaged, tell your fiancé how does he feel about this concept? In cases of abuse where your life and your children’s life are threatened that is serious emergency situation and you need to take the necessary steps to get out of that situation.
  9. Be honest about everything with the person you are about to marry. I mean it’s better they know all about your skeletons before you marry them. Especially for women, if any of your body part is fake please your fiancé deserves the right to know before he marries you. People put people in weird situations when they are not honest before marriage. Morale of the story: it will hurt you more later if you aren’t honest.
  10. If you want kids, babysit other ppl’s kids to get a feel what it would be like to have your own kids. Do you even like kids?.. You need to know these things. If you don’t want kids pls don’t marry someone who wants kids cos you will definitely have conflict.
  11. Know your character traits and develop the character traits that will help you in marriage.  For example: if you are quick tempered, you need to work on that because if you don’t that might be a problem in your marriage.
  12. Gain from wisdom from couples that have been married more than 30 years and still married
  13. Don’t compare your life to others. You will never be content in your life. This is a very important concept: so when you do get married, you wouldn’t compare your husband and kids with another person.

    Don't compare your life with someone else

    Don’t compare your life with someone else

  14. Use your words to build the people you love even when they hurt you.
  15. Marry someone you sincerely love. Marrying someone who worships the ground you walk on will make you feel trapped in marriage if you don’t love that person equally.
  16. Love yourself. You can’t love anyone until you love yourself.
  17. Learn to forgive easily and quickly.
  18. Enjoy yourself as a single so that after you get married you don’t feel like you are missing out on life. Your priority should change after you are married.
  19. Learn to say “I am sorry”

20. Most important, ask God to prepare you to be that Proverbs 31 woman for your future husband and family!