Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy

Last year, I decided to leave home. It was a bold step for me seeing that my culture encourages unmarried ladies to stay grounded at home until Mr. Right comes around. After a tumultuous undergrad journey, I decided to pursue my graduate studies. As an immigrate (unfortunately…) I had to anticipate out-of-state fees even though I have been in the United for States for more than 10 years (do not ever overstay a visa in America). Grad school meant staying at home to go to school which to me really sucked (my biggest regret in life!).

My Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy journey began in May 2019 when I finally graduated from grad school (Thank God!) For those who do not know me, I am noticeably big on family. Last year was the most pivotal year in my Nigerian journey in the United States. I did not realize going to school and staying at home was a big mistake. It was last year that I finally realized that I should have left home sooner than I did. I hope you learn from my mistake.

One can argue, there is no healthy family because there is no perfect family. That is true! I think what I am trying to say is you need to be in a healthy environment. It is important for your growth and your peace of mind. Sometimes, I wonder the person I would have been if I had left home earlier. Would have I been happier? Smarter? Who knows… I am all for the Nigerian culture but I think your peace of mind is more important.

In my opinion, I was the perfect daughter. I had faced something tumultuous in my undergrad but I persevered. I didn’t really have a real boyfriend until I was 30 years (I am 31 now). I followed all the rules, heck! I was a choir director at my church for 4 years. I was the praise and worship leader at some point. I was humble, thoughtful, and respectful. I was meticulous to make sure I did not bring shame to my family.

I thought home was supposed to be an incubator of positive minds and energy. My home environment from 2012-2019 turned out to be a nightmare. It has always been a nightmare, but last year took the blindfold from my eyes. Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy is my journey to heal from all the negativity 2012-2019 brought my way.

I love Jesus. I have always had a soft spot for God from an incredibly young age. I took my relationship with God more seriously in my High School years. I would spend days fasting and praying for days. I would post bible verses all over my side of the wall when I shared a room with my immediate older sister. I didn’t do these things so I would be viewed differently by my parents or family members. I honestly took my relationship with God to another level.

I remember when I started my period (menstrual cycle) and my mother told me “don’t play with boys” that was her failed attempt in teaching me about the birds and the bees. From that point onward, my mother has had an interesting relationship with my stomach. Huh? Exactly. You heard me, my stomach or abdominal area. I remember one faithful Sunday wearing an outfit and going to ask my mother what she thought about the outfit. She had nothing to say yet, proceeded to lift my shirt to look at my stomach. She could not find what she was looking for there. She proceeded to look at my breast. I did not understand what this meant until I got older.

For my non-Nigerian Readers, most Nigerian mother’s biggest fear is their daughter getting pregnant out of wedlock. I cannot remember what year I started my period. From the time I started my period till 2019, my mother had suspected me of per-marital pregnancy.

Mind you, I did not get my first boyfriend still I was 30 years old. Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy is a journey I should have embarked on years ago. The worse part my mothers’ suspicion was that she brought it to church. With my eyes closed, hands raised high, I would open my eyes to my very observant mother eyes’ wide open and looking at my abdomen. I was not a flat belly kind of chick which made matters worse.

I did everything right. I graduated undergrad. I worked. I paid my bills religiously. I contributed to the household to the best of my ability. If there were other expectations of me, there were not clearly stated and thus, absolutely none of my business. I put myself in grad school and paid my way through with less than 11,000 in debt even after paying out of states fees. I worked hard to not disgrace my family, yet my good deeds were completely ignored. I was obviously too good to be true which is why someone would open their eyes in the presence of God to scrutinize the size of my belly in Church. In 2019, I completely lost it!

This post is not to make my mother look bad. She was not the only person who was suspicious of my per-marital woes. There were other women in my church who did the same thing. Morale of this post is, it does not matter how good you are, people will put you in whatever bracket they choose to put you in. You must break free and stay true to yourself.

I give you permission to leave any environment that does not foster growth. You must leave any environment that sows negativity when you are trying to stay positive for yourself and your future. I did that. I left for my sanity. I left because I did not want to become a product of a toxic environment. You are a product of your environment if you continue to stay. Your life and future matters. Leave as soon as possible and get yourself a good therapist.  This is where the therapy part comes in.

The truth is hurt people hurt others. You must make time to forgive and heal from the negative influences of your environment. Your life is worth it. Please never stop healing..

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever”

Psalms 73:26

Why some Nigerian Men Cheat?

 For this post we will focus on “why some married Nigerian men cheat?”

Here is my answer…

Married Nigerian men cheat because they can find women to cheat with.

It takes two to tango!

This post is not only to bash married men who cheat but also women who clearly go for married men.

My sista, you know he is married. Na wetin?

Are all the single men on strike?

All single men cannot be broke.

There is something about a married man. He has a wife and children at home. He is responsible. I know it is exotic to have something we can’t have.

It does not matter what religion are you. You need to feel somehow messing around with a married man. If you don’t, you need serious prayers and fasting. You are possessed or something. It is abnormal to mess with a married man without your conscience worrying you.

Aunty, how would you feel if your husband cheated on you?

Guess what? If you sleep with someone’s husband, it will come back to you (Not cursing you, it is called Karma!).

You are sowing a seed for your husband to cheat on you.

Lets leave Married Men alone.

Some of you your boyfriend never cheated on you but as soon as you get married, he cheats.

You know why?

Because you sowed that seed in your single years.

If you do not know he is married, its one thing. My sista, please when you know.. LEAVE HIM ALONE!

To foreign ladies, your Nigerian married boo will NEVER LEAVE his wife for you.

Again..

Your Married Nigerian guy will never leave his wife for you.

Let’s stop this..

Some of you are messing around with married men and praying for God to send your husband.

Sister mi, there’s God o!

To all the married men or women who cheat on their spouse, guess what? One day, your spouse will cheat on you and the tables will turn. Keep playing games with God. God will soon give you the same dose of your medicine.

Selah..

With Love,

9jagirl4real

This is what an African look like..

Some Americans say to me: “You don’t look African”

My reply: What does an African look like?

Their reply: I don’t know not like you.

My reply: Well, this is what an African look like..

20150208_154252

The Super Bowl 101: For Nigerians..

The Super Bowl is the national championship game of the National Football League(NFL) in the United States of America.
This football is not the same as our football where you kicked the ball into a goal.
Some Africans call it handball because the players literally hold the ball and try to get to the opponent’s side of the field to score a TOUCHDOWN.
TOUCHDOWN is similar to saying SCORE or in our football: GOAL.

There are three different types of scores in American football. The first is called a touchdown worth 6 point which comes with an extra 1 point to make it 7. Second score is a field goal worth 3 points. Third score is called a safety which is worth 2 points. In case you are down by four points and you are trying to tie the game, you can score a touch down which is 6 point and go for a 2 point conversion which is obviously 2 point (knowledge by Nsi aka. Possible Etim).

This is our football or soccer to Americans: Soccer  and this is American football American Football

The Super Bowl is a big deal for Americans the same way the World Cup is a big deal to Nigerians when Nigeria plays.
People gather together to watch the game. People order a large amount of food for the game. Some people like me watch the game for the commercials. The Super Bowl is also a big deal for businesses. Businesses pay a lot of money to make sure their commercials are shown during the game because they know a lot of people are watching.

2015 Music Challenge for Popular Nigerian Artists: Say No to Nyash Music..

bankyMusic Challenge 1: Make a song that has nothing to do with a woman’s behind and breasts. We have enough songs about our women body part. I think we can all agree that our women are blessed.

Music Challenge 2: Make a song about our corrupt political system that is putting our country behind. It makes no sense to be singing about sex, butts, breast when our people are suffering. Your afro-beats are contagious. It is time to  use your talent to cause a change reaction in our country.

Music Challenge 3: Make a song in a village setting different from your ethnic group. Nigeria has many different cultures that is not yet represented in our music. Learn the culture and showcase their culture in your next music video.

Music Challenge 4: Collaborate with other artists to make a song that unites us. A song for peace and not war, we are currently fighting the war against Boko Haram. Show some support for the children who were kidnapped.

Music Challenge 5: Make a song that is completely different from what your fans are used to. You need to reinvent yourself to stay relevant. Afro-artists can’t be placed in a box. Fans want to hear song different from the norm.

Music Challenge 6: Showcase some young people in your videos who are doing great things in their academics or community. Let your songs send a positive message to society.

Music Challenge 7: After you have made all the money. Please think about the people. Think about your country.

For the Love of Nigeria.. NO MORE BOOTY SONGS. Say No to Nyash Music in 2015…

Refreshing New Sounds of Afrobeats..

1. Brymo-Down

2. Simi-Tiff

3. Asa-Ba Mi Dele

4. Korede Bello-African Princess

Nigerian Men are buying Nigerian Women like Suya..

Woman Holding BanknotesNigerian Women, our sole purpose on earth is not to get married to a politician or a rich man. It is also not our duty to give any man a male child that’s God’s duty. A lot of us have the mentality of marrying rich because the present economic situation in Nigeria. A man who buys your heart with his money will use the same money to manipulate and control you in marriage except he loves you. Even when he loves you, he can still use his money to manipulate you. It is our duty to claim our rights in our society by fighting for it. I hope you are paying attention to what is happening in our society. A lot of rich Nigerian men can get away with anything when it comes to women by using their money. Nigerian women, they are using their money to manipulate you.

How can a politician have a mistress that his wife knows about? Why can’t his wife put her foot down against it? Why are we allowing our men to mistreat us and misuse us? I am aware that not all Nigerian men are this way. A woman should not go crying to her in-laws before her husband understand that he is hurting his wife. Most of these men who do these things do them because they know they can get away with it. Do men really value us as women or do they see us as the properties they can buy? (Please, answer this question). Nigerian women, we are responsible for our place in our society. If you don’t want a place in society continue allowing men to buy you like suya.

Enough is enough!! Nigerian Ladies, the way to solve your economic problem is not to marry a rich husband who can use his money to manipulate you. The way to solve this economic problem is not to sleep with men for job offers or salary. The only solution to this problem is for us to think independently outside the men in our lives. Stop thinking you need a man to maintain you. You can start your business (honestly, genuinely without sleeping with any man for funds). It is time for independent Nigerian women to emerge.

We can be financially stable without depending on any man. I don’t think it’s wrong to depend on your husband to provide for the family, but we need to stand up as Nigerian women and stop allowing these men to use their money to manipulate us.

Money doesn’t equal happiness.

My African Childhood Memories..

We rolled old tires everywhere!!! African kids know how to create their own fun.

We played in the rain. The way Americans in the South play in the snow when it snows..

When it rains we will go outside and play in the rain. The way Americans in the South play in the snow when it snows..

ahh.. Fun Memories!!  "If you were born in January stand up"..(singing).

ahh.. Fun Memories!!
“If you were born in January stand up”..(singing).

My brother and me took turns to hold drive each other on our wheelbarrow.

My brother and me took turns to drive each other on our wheelbarrow.

We never complained about anything. We were thankful for everything.
We need to stop complaining and be more thankful.

For my Nigerian Sisters,

SINGLE BUT NOT STUPID 379 written by George Essien

Most African women marry for financial security and miss out on that beautiful feeling and joy called love. They live boring lives with a man they sincerely don’t connect with,enduring the marriage through the years.

Very few marry for love.And those who marry for love work out their financial security together and get it eventually,haven’t you noticed?Then they have the two – love and finance. Romance and finance.

My thoughts:

Forget that money thing..
Love is priceless o!
Your love is too expensive for money.

Please my Nigerian sisters,
you deserve to be happy.
I want you to be happy.
I am tired of seeing women maltreated in their marriages
Love, friendship, and commitment makes a difference.
Remember, you have to love him too.
If you don’t love him..don’t marry him because you will take his love for granted.

Love is PRICELESS!!

Why Africans look down on Black Americans?

After doing my research, I found four points were present in all the sources I reviewed. It became too redundant that it bored me.

4 Points I found in all my Sources:

1. Africans really think that Black-Americans are violent and lazy- One the sources clearly said that Africans are picking up the white’s fear of blacks (I thought this was very interesting).
2. Africans hate the fact that African-Americans blame slavery and racism for most of their problems.
3. Africans don’t understand why African-Americans don’t take advantage of the many opportunities available to them here in the States.
4. Africans think that a lot of Black-Americans are ignorant about Africa because they still have this primitive, old perception of Africans.

Of course this is not TRUE for all Africans. The four points above could be one of the reasons why Africans look down on Black Americans. All four points were found in all the sources I reviewed. Interesting points, I also found..

1. Africans know their identities are not easily offended when people try to put them down (found in the first source).
2. Africans and Black-American respond to adversity differently. Black-Americans blame the system while Africans are willing to do any jobs instead of blaming the system (found in the first source).
3. Africans receive better treatments from whites which angers Black-Americans (found in the second source).
4. Africans see education as a tool that open the doors within the American society(found in the second source).

The only thing that could undermine this research is that I did not review more sources. Honestly after two educational sources and a research based article with the same results… The light bulb came on.

Sources: Click below

Source 1
Source 2
Source 3

What do you guys think?