Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy

Last year, I decided to leave home. It was a bold step for me seeing that my culture encourages unmarried ladies to stay grounded at home until Mr. Right comes around. After a tumultuous undergrad journey, I decided to pursue my graduate studies. As an immigrate (unfortunately…) I had to anticipate out-of-state fees even though I have been in the United for States for more than 10 years (do not ever overstay a visa in America). Grad school meant staying at home to go to school which to me really sucked (my biggest regret in life!).

My Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy journey began in May 2019 when I finally graduated from grad school (Thank God!) For those who do not know me, I am noticeably big on family. Last year was the most pivotal year in my Nigerian journey in the United States. I did not realize going to school and staying at home was a big mistake. It was last year that I finally realized that I should have left home sooner than I did. I hope you learn from my mistake.

One can argue, there is no healthy family because there is no perfect family. That is true! I think what I am trying to say is you need to be in a healthy environment. It is important for your growth and your peace of mind. Sometimes, I wonder the person I would have been if I had left home earlier. Would have I been happier? Smarter? Who knows… I am all for the Nigerian culture but I think your peace of mind is more important.

In my opinion, I was the perfect daughter. I had faced something tumultuous in my undergrad but I persevered. I didn’t really have a real boyfriend until I was 30 years (I am 31 now). I followed all the rules, heck! I was a choir director at my church for 4 years. I was the praise and worship leader at some point. I was humble, thoughtful, and respectful. I was meticulous to make sure I did not bring shame to my family.

I thought home was supposed to be an incubator of positive minds and energy. My home environment from 2012-2019 turned out to be a nightmare. It has always been a nightmare, but last year took the blindfold from my eyes. Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy is my journey to heal from all the negativity 2012-2019 brought my way.

I love Jesus. I have always had a soft spot for God from an incredibly young age. I took my relationship with God more seriously in my High School years. I would spend days fasting and praying for days. I would post bible verses all over my side of the wall when I shared a room with my immediate older sister. I didn’t do these things so I would be viewed differently by my parents or family members. I honestly took my relationship with God to another level.

I remember when I started my period (menstrual cycle) and my mother told me “don’t play with boys” that was her failed attempt in teaching me about the birds and the bees. From that point onward, my mother has had an interesting relationship with my stomach. Huh? Exactly. You heard me, my stomach or abdominal area. I remember one faithful Sunday wearing an outfit and going to ask my mother what she thought about the outfit. She had nothing to say yet, proceeded to lift my shirt to look at my stomach. She could not find what she was looking for there. She proceeded to look at my breast. I did not understand what this meant until I got older.

For my non-Nigerian Readers, most Nigerian mother’s biggest fear is their daughter getting pregnant out of wedlock. I cannot remember what year I started my period. From the time I started my period till 2019, my mother had suspected me of per-marital pregnancy.

Mind you, I did not get my first boyfriend still I was 30 years old. Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy is a journey I should have embarked on years ago. The worse part my mothers’ suspicion was that she brought it to church. With my eyes closed, hands raised high, I would open my eyes to my very observant mother eyes’ wide open and looking at my abdomen. I was not a flat belly kind of chick which made matters worse.

I did everything right. I graduated undergrad. I worked. I paid my bills religiously. I contributed to the household to the best of my ability. If there were other expectations of me, there were not clearly stated and thus, absolutely none of my business. I put myself in grad school and paid my way through with less than 11,000 in debt even after paying out of states fees. I worked hard to not disgrace my family, yet my good deeds were completely ignored. I was obviously too good to be true which is why someone would open their eyes in the presence of God to scrutinize the size of my belly in Church. In 2019, I completely lost it!

This post is not to make my mother look bad. She was not the only person who was suspicious of my per-marital woes. There were other women in my church who did the same thing. Morale of this post is, it does not matter how good you are, people will put you in whatever bracket they choose to put you in. You must break free and stay true to yourself.

I give you permission to leave any environment that does not foster growth. You must leave any environment that sows negativity when you are trying to stay positive for yourself and your future. I did that. I left for my sanity. I left because I did not want to become a product of a toxic environment. You are a product of your environment if you continue to stay. Your life and future matters. Leave as soon as possible and get yourself a good therapist.  This is where the therapy part comes in.

The truth is hurt people hurt others. You must make time to forgive and heal from the negative influences of your environment. Your life is worth it. Please never stop healing..

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever”

Psalms 73:26

Are you Single, Indoors and Ready to Mingle?

Don’t let COVID-19 put your love life in quarantine.
9jagirl4real is ready to cater to all your dating needs.

Let all your single friends know.

Rules:
1. You must be 21 or above to participate.
2. You must be willing to do a video call with one of our dating expert.
3. You must be wiling to answer all our experts questions.
4. Have recent photos of yourself ready (in the last 6 months).
5. You must be single (unmarried or divorced) to participate.
6. Like us facebook: 9jagirl4real

We will post information about our single candidates on our blog.
If you like what you read, email 9jagirl4real@gmail.com with the Subject Line: Interested in Mr……
All our candidates will have code name on each entry.
You must email 9jagirl4real@gmail if you are interested in the candidate.

Please stay safe and let your love life breath!

Photo Credit: http://www.lifeculturepeople.com/culture-2/2016/2/25/african-love

Life Quote 2015: Feb 27

“Don’t be afraid to step in uncertainty, when you know that the God that you are stepping out with is certain.”-Ismael Lowery

Don’t Marry for these Reasons by John Dumelo

Don’t marry for sex.
Don’t marry because you are of age.
Don’t marry because you are getting old.
Don’t marry because you are lonely.
Don’t marry because you need someone to support you financially.
Don’t marry because you mistakenly got pregnant.
Don’t marry because you don’t want to lose the person.
Don’t marry because of family pressures.
Don’t marry because you like the idea of marriage and admire every wedding gown you see.
Don’t marry because all your friends are getting married.
But get married because you are in love.
Get married because he or she is your best friend and when that love is no more, he or she can still make u smile…..‪#‎somedayiwillgetmarried‬

2015 Music Challenge for Popular Nigerian Artists: Say No to Nyash Music..

bankyMusic Challenge 1: Make a song that has nothing to do with a woman’s behind and breasts. We have enough songs about our women body part. I think we can all agree that our women are blessed.

Music Challenge 2: Make a song about our corrupt political system that is putting our country behind. It makes no sense to be singing about sex, butts, breast when our people are suffering. Your afro-beats are contagious. It is time to  use your talent to cause a change reaction in our country.

Music Challenge 3: Make a song in a village setting different from your ethnic group. Nigeria has many different cultures that is not yet represented in our music. Learn the culture and showcase their culture in your next music video.

Music Challenge 4: Collaborate with other artists to make a song that unites us. A song for peace and not war, we are currently fighting the war against Boko Haram. Show some support for the children who were kidnapped.

Music Challenge 5: Make a song that is completely different from what your fans are used to. You need to reinvent yourself to stay relevant. Afro-artists can’t be placed in a box. Fans want to hear song different from the norm.

Music Challenge 6: Showcase some young people in your videos who are doing great things in their academics or community. Let your songs send a positive message to society.

Music Challenge 7: After you have made all the money. Please think about the people. Think about your country.

For the Love of Nigeria.. NO MORE BOOTY SONGS. Say No to Nyash Music in 2015…

Nigerian Men are buying Nigerian Women like Suya..

Woman Holding BanknotesNigerian Women, our sole purpose on earth is not to get married to a politician or a rich man. It is also not our duty to give any man a male child that’s God’s duty. A lot of us have the mentality of marrying rich because the present economic situation in Nigeria. A man who buys your heart with his money will use the same money to manipulate and control you in marriage except he loves you. Even when he loves you, he can still use his money to manipulate you. It is our duty to claim our rights in our society by fighting for it. I hope you are paying attention to what is happening in our society. A lot of rich Nigerian men can get away with anything when it comes to women by using their money. Nigerian women, they are using their money to manipulate you.

How can a politician have a mistress that his wife knows about? Why can’t his wife put her foot down against it? Why are we allowing our men to mistreat us and misuse us? I am aware that not all Nigerian men are this way. A woman should not go crying to her in-laws before her husband understand that he is hurting his wife. Most of these men who do these things do them because they know they can get away with it. Do men really value us as women or do they see us as the properties they can buy? (Please, answer this question). Nigerian women, we are responsible for our place in our society. If you don’t want a place in society continue allowing men to buy you like suya.

Enough is enough!! Nigerian Ladies, the way to solve your economic problem is not to marry a rich husband who can use his money to manipulate you. The way to solve this economic problem is not to sleep with men for job offers or salary. The only solution to this problem is for us to think independently outside the men in our lives. Stop thinking you need a man to maintain you. You can start your business (honestly, genuinely without sleeping with any man for funds). It is time for independent Nigerian women to emerge.

We can be financially stable without depending on any man. I don’t think it’s wrong to depend on your husband to provide for the family, but we need to stand up as Nigerian women and stop allowing these men to use their money to manipulate us.

Money doesn’t equal happiness.

THANK YOU for Helping Nigeria DEFEAT Ebola..

The World Health Organization declared Africa’s largest country by population “Ebola-free” on Monday, a sign of how easily the virus could have been contained had other West African countries acted as swiftly as Nigeria did.-The Wall Street Journal

This is one of the most excited news I have heard in a long time from Nigeria. I am so proud of my country for taking active steps to defeat Ebola.  THANK YOU to all the W.H.O doctors who traveled from their home country to help us contain this deadly virus, State and federal Ministries of Health, volunteers, helpers and anybody who played a part in helping us defeat Ebola. THANK YOU so much!!!! God bless you each and every one of you and your families. We appreciate all your help!!!!

I encourage every Nigerian to use the social media to say thank you to people who worked hard to help us eradicate Ebola.

A Preview of 1:54 Contemporary African Art Fair

I was highly honored by the invitation to be one of the launch partners of 1:54 Contemporary African Art Fair in London. Thank you so much for the invitation. The Art fair opens in five days to the public worldwide.

A preview of the African fair

My Favorite artist: Sammy Baloji
My Favorite piece: Usine de Shituru by Sammy Baloji (I really like this piece)
My Favorite exhibitions: Magnin A and Apalazzo Gallery

canvas 154You are not ready for this Fair..
It is going to be Epic!!

Click here for more information. 

Eagles Highlight: 2,014 Signatures for Peace in Nigeria

International Eagles of Nigeria

10356266_374234652733933_170481252027304606_n Congrats to Imo-owo Mbede who is currently running a peace campaign in Nigeria. Corruption, violence is slowly becoming the norm for Nigerians. It takes Eagles like him to stand up to fight for change. We have had enough blood shed in Nigeria. It’s time for Peace and Unity to reign in our motherland.

What are you doing to help make your country a better place?

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Nigerian Report Card: Nigerian Wedding Dance 2014

Nigerians, its time to report to class for your Nigerian Report Card. 

We start this series off by grading Nigerians Wedding Dance 2014 on Youtube. The categories on how the dances will be graded are: 

1. Creativity (1-10)
2. Music (1-10)
3. Synchronism-everybody dances on one accord (1-10)
4. Video quality (1-10)
5. Originality (1-10)

The highest score for each category is a 10. The highest score a dance can earn is 50 and the lowest score is 1.

Let the Grading Begin.

Yemi and Mayowa Dance 1:

Creativity: 10.. (The dance was very creative) 
Music: 10 (loved it)
Synchronism: 10 (Nobody was off) 
Video Quality: 10.. It wasn’t blurry. 
Originality: 10 (Song and dance was very different. It was very original) 

Grade: A 

Dance 2: Ayoluvmi and Ope 

Creativity: 6 (I have seen some of those moves before) 
Music: 10 (I loved the combination of American and Nigerian music) 
Synchronism: 9 
Video Quality: 10
Originality: 7 (Some moves were not that original. The Nigerian moves with Nigerian songs were very Nice) 

Grade: B 

Gari and Karen’s Dance 3

Creativity: 10 (Dance moves were entertaining to watch)
Music: 10 (Who doesn’t love Kukere?!)
Synchronism: 2 (Some of the bridesmaids were dancing something else. I hope you noticed the short groomsmen in the front killing it). 
Video Quality: 1 (It should be a zero but I am feeling generous because today is my birthday). 
Originality: 10 (Love the creative moves)

Grade: C 

If you disagree with the grades, comment below and give your own grades.