From a young age, I have always known I would marry for love and nothing else.
I have grown to discover that is not enough. I also have to use my head.
The reality is the heart will always want what it wants at all cost logical or illogical.
Nowadays, love is not enough.
See your potential mate through the eyes of your future children, what would they say?
The person you choose could become the mother or father of your children.
Is this person the kind of mother or father you want for your children?
A wise man once said, “the spouse you choose is a reflection of your intelligence.”
Forget about their looks, money for once. Will your love stand the test of time?
Is your relationship built on a good foundation?
Will the strength of your love survive the test in marriage?
Whether you choose to stay or leave your marriage will affect your children.
Let’s make this practical.
You convinced a woman to marry you because you have money. Why are you surprise she left now that the money is gone? Whose fault is it?
Don’t blindly marry anybody. The reality of divorce is too real.
Know what you naturally like. Don’t settle for less and think you can change anybody when you enter marriage.
Don’t ignore anything that bothers you in the pre-marital stage thinking that marriage will solve it.
Marriage magnifies your problems.
Seek counsel from people in successful marriages.
Marry someone who genuinely loves you and you also love.
Life will test your marriage.
Equip your relationships with all the necessary tools you need to succeed in your marriage, you owe your children that much.
Take your time to build a solid foundation, so your love can stand the test of time.
Our invitation read “the parents …… and ….. request your presence at the joining of their children, Dr. Femi and Dr. Bola in holy matrimony.” Our wedding was the talk of town. Our wedding announcements were all over the news, blogs, and Nigerian websites. The single ladies envied me and gossiped about me in their domestic corners. Our guests were invited from all over the world. Our traditional wedding (cultural West-African) took place in a sophisticated island for the elites in Lagos, Nigeria. All six of my wedding planners were on stand-by making sure I was pleased on my dream day. Assorted wines were imported from France; even the goats killed for the occasion got a respectful death.
My husband is a US-trained brain surgeon. He is brilliantly sought after by the best of the best. He is naturally quiet in nature, but the grandeur of this day blew him away. Our guests were all given a uniform attire to grace our day in style. It was very amusing seeing our white friends in our traditional African attire. Our photographers, bloggers, and videographers were all imported from aboard. Presidents, Princes, and Princesses from different African countries honored our invitation. The best chefs and cooks served our eloquent dishes and Nigerian delicacies.
This is the wedding of my dream and I am not happy. The man I wanted was in his house drowning in his tears. I can’t stand the mere sight of him crying. I pleaded with him to understand. He cried, “What should I understand? Bola, I have dated you for six years and you are about to marry somebody else!! Why is this happening to me? I did not touch you from the very beginning because I wanted to marry..” (sobbing). We both cried and held each other. In my tears, I saw myself holding the man of my dreams while wearing another man’s engagement ring. My life became complicated.
Suku is a self-made millionaire with no college degree. My parents told me that they don’t want to associate themselves with an illiterate. I told them, he is not an illiterate, he is a millionaire. My father told me, “I am not interested in illiterate money.” For three years I pleaded with my parents to allow me to marry the man I loved, they refused. One precious day my mother blatantly scorned me about Suku saying she didn’t marry an illiterate and that only over her dead body would she allow me marry my love.
All Suku and I know to do these days is to hold each other and cry. He finally told me that he loved me so much that he will allow me to honor my parent’s wishes. I begged him not to give up on our love, he said, he wasn’t but he couldn’t watch me wait forever for an answer that will never come. We both cried for weeks when I told him that my parents agreed to Dr. Femi’s proposal to me. Dr. Femi is a great man with wonderful attributes; I already gave my heart to someone else. That guy my parents call an “illiterate” is the man of my dreams. He doesn’t have a college degree; he worked hard for every cent of his money. He built a multi-million naira business from scratch as an orphan.
This part is for my Nigerian ladies, who like me, are manipulated by their Nigerian parents to marry people they don’t want to marry. Don’t allow your Nigerian parents make the most important life decision for you. After the guests leave, the music stops, you take off your wedding dress, and marriage begins!! Life is too short to live with regrets. Make your own decisions, and take responsibility for the negative outcomes of your decisions. Your parents will one day die and leave you with your husband and you will have to figure it out. Don’t marry for status or to please anyone. I am not saying don’t listen to your parents, I am saying make your own decision and don’t let your parents make it for you. Marriage is a lifelong commitment.
Take your time and choose accordingly!!!
My marriage with Dr. Femi didn’t last. The size of the love matters more than the size of the wedding. Money CAN’T buy happiness. Status CAN’T buy happiness.
I am back in the arms of the man of my dreams. I choose love. I choose Suku!
Edited by: Kelli Busbee
Please share this post to all your single Nigerian lady friends and like us on facebook!
Who is Mr. B? Mr. B is a childhood friend who attended the same after church service I attended when we were younger in Nigeria. He is now grown, smart and very fine in the United Kingdom. He doesn’t remember me from his childhood, so we had to get to know each other all over again.
Mr. B and I talked for a few months until something interesting happened. When Mr. B talked to me, I honestly thought he was talking to me as a friend with no strings attached until Mr. C came into the picture. Mr. C is his friend in the States. Mr. C started throwing games my way and Mr. B became jealous, I could tell. Mr. B didn’t know I was already interested in him, I wish he had said things in time. It was after Mr. C came into the picture was when I knew how Mr. B really felt. At the time I was very angry about the situation because I was put in this very weird situation.
Regardless, I have a lot of respect for Mr. B. If Mr. C didn’t come into the picture, I would still be talking to Mr. B as if nothing serious would happen. He later told me that his goal was to pursue friendship first. I absolutely respect that. Most guys who come into my life, don’t value friendship anymore. There are somethings about Mr. B I don’t like hey, nobody is perfect. This guy rocks!!! He could be playing me though, who knows?!
“As for life every turn of it has it reasons, and once we are in God’s calendar what was meant to be would always be”-Mr. B
Note to Mr. B:
None of this is relevant.
Who knew my Mr. A would grow up to be so attractive with the cutest British accent?! He is so great looking now. That accent doesn’t help either.
Since when we were little, Mr. A had crush on me. I could tell but he didn’t say a thing. Fast forward 19 yrs later, he still remembers my birthday and he finally told me, he had a crush on me when we were little. He was very close with my immediate brother, who is only one year older than me. I remember him as this short guy with a big head lol!!
He did his undergrad in Kenya and his master’s in the UK. He is very well rounded with a great sense of humor. I wish the childhood crush never left. He is a great catch.
Note to Mr. A:
It’s sad we are world’s apart, you have a very special place in my heart.
You remembered my birthday for 19years without even seeing me. My siblings don’t remember my birthday.
You have a great memory or you were indirectly still holding on to me. Who knows?!!
We might be in different continents, I will never forget you forever.
I start my relationship series this week. There’s so much. I have been blessed to talk to amazing guys during the course of my life. I will share my experiences with these guys. I hope someone will learn from my mistakes and you will be encouraged in your journey to find love.
My Relationship Series Starts with Mr. J.
Since when I was young, I knew him. I got serious with him seven years ago. He’s a sweet person, everything I want in a guy. He’s thoughtful, down-to-earth, awesome, all that good stuff.
I can’t imagine my life w/o him. I talk and sing to him every day, as I read his love letters. He’s the only reason why I love life, I mean he makes it more interesting. I know when am down and call him up, he’s always there to comfort.
The cool thing about him is that my parents brought us together. Sometimes am selfish and think about myself instead of him. He never reminds me of my past failures in our relationship; forgives all the time and moves on.
I can’t wait to spend seven years in our marriage feast. All my brothers’ and sisters know him. Men, am too lucky to be in a relationship with a man that owns the whole world.
I didn’t struggle to make him love me; he already did even before I got into this relationship. Although I don’t see him I can always feel his presence around me.
Shout out to Mr. J!!!!
Ladies, I have answered a lot of your questions about Nigerian men.
It’s time to hear from the horse’s mouth
Check out this video as these guys answer this question.
I like this group of guys because they are a good representation of the types of Nigerian guys you will meet in the States.
They are smart, funny, educated, witty and very Nigerian.
Each guy brings a different perspective to the discussion which I love.
Check out the video.
Let me know what you think?
Email, comment or facebook me!!
Early this year, Rowden and Leizl decided to get married on July 8, 2014, Rowden’s 30th birthday. Together with their adorable 2-year-old daughter, they already had a perfect family.
Then a twist of fate, Rowden got diagnosed with stage IV liver cancer in late May. His last request was to marry his one true love. After 12hours of preparations, his dream was fulfilled. Unable to take him outside the hospital, we brought the church to him. It was like a heartbreaking fairytale. (Youtube Story Written by Hasset Go)
Our culture has trained us to marry for status, money, class and everything but love.
You are missing out if you don’t marry for love.
Love is not the absence of pain, struggle and problem.
Love is a commitment to stay no matter what.
Marrying an underage child is prohibited in Nigeria, yet child marriages are prevalent in Nigeria. Some people call it marriage, I call it slavery. A female child under the age of 18 is given off to marriage without her exercising her god-given right as a human being, that’s slavery. No parent should be allowed to give their underage child to marriage. These children are stripped of their rights to be children from a young age. Their innocence is stripped off as they are forced to experience things their underdeveloped brains can’t comprehend.
Life is in age stages.
Children are given off as young as 12 years old.
Do you know how immature I was at 12 years old?
At 27, I am still not ready to tie the knot.
That’s beside the point. Of all the things I hate about my country, child marriages is on my top list.
Any Christian or Muslim Man (more prevalent amongst Muslim men) who marries a girl under the age of 18 should get the death penalty.
The death penalty might seem too extreme; these men with their perverted heads deserve it.
Child marriages are inhumane and barbaric.
I hate when society flirt with the future of our children.
Some women even 18 years are not ready for marriage, how much more our little children?
These girls are children.
What sick demon in the form of a man would want to sleep with a child?
These men need a help because they are not normal.
Normal men marry women who are of age.
Why would you want a child who doesn’t know anything about anything?
Are beautiful, matured women scarce in Nigeria?
A man who marries a child needs to check in a psych hospital because he needs some serious help.
NO CHILD SHOULD BE FORCED INTO MARRIAGE.
EVERY MAN WHO MARRIES A CHILD UNDER THE AGE OF 18 SHOULD GET THE DEATH PENALTY.
A friend did something today that proved to me he loved me.
To some people it may seem minute but it meant the WORLD to me.
I thought about what he did and I almost tried.
This guy has been through the highs and the lows with me.
Instead of building you up, I broke you down because I was broken.
You are the friend I have been praying for years.
I don’t deserve friends like you in my life.
I’ve crippled our friendship with my insecurities yet you still stand by me.
You are my biggest fan.
You are the first person I call when someone breaks my heart.
You answer my calls at any time.
I don’t deserve you as friend.
You choose to stand by me with my flaws and all.
I pray I am as good a friend as you have been to me.
We are friend forever and nothing will ever come between us and our friendship.
I love you!!
I promise to love you with your flaws and all..
You are indeed my best friend.
We all need REAL friends! I am blessed to have one!