Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy

Last year, I decided to leave home. It was a bold step for me seeing that my culture encourages unmarried ladies to stay grounded at home until Mr. Right comes around. After a tumultuous undergrad journey, I decided to pursue my graduate studies. As an immigrate (unfortunately…) I had to anticipate out-of-state fees even though I have been in the United for States for more than 10 years (do not ever overstay a visa in America). Grad school meant staying at home to go to school which to me really sucked (my biggest regret in life!).

My Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy journey began in May 2019 when I finally graduated from grad school (Thank God!) For those who do not know me, I am noticeably big on family. Last year was the most pivotal year in my Nigerian journey in the United States. I did not realize going to school and staying at home was a big mistake. It was last year that I finally realized that I should have left home sooner than I did. I hope you learn from my mistake.

One can argue, there is no healthy family because there is no perfect family. That is true! I think what I am trying to say is you need to be in a healthy environment. It is important for your growth and your peace of mind. Sometimes, I wonder the person I would have been if I had left home earlier. Would have I been happier? Smarter? Who knows… I am all for the Nigerian culture but I think your peace of mind is more important.

In my opinion, I was the perfect daughter. I had faced something tumultuous in my undergrad but I persevered. I didn’t really have a real boyfriend until I was 30 years (I am 31 now). I followed all the rules, heck! I was a choir director at my church for 4 years. I was the praise and worship leader at some point. I was humble, thoughtful, and respectful. I was meticulous to make sure I did not bring shame to my family.

I thought home was supposed to be an incubator of positive minds and energy. My home environment from 2012-2019 turned out to be a nightmare. It has always been a nightmare, but last year took the blindfold from my eyes. Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy is my journey to heal from all the negativity 2012-2019 brought my way.

I love Jesus. I have always had a soft spot for God from an incredibly young age. I took my relationship with God more seriously in my High School years. I would spend days fasting and praying for days. I would post bible verses all over my side of the wall when I shared a room with my immediate older sister. I didn’t do these things so I would be viewed differently by my parents or family members. I honestly took my relationship with God to another level.

I remember when I started my period (menstrual cycle) and my mother told me “don’t play with boys” that was her failed attempt in teaching me about the birds and the bees. From that point onward, my mother has had an interesting relationship with my stomach. Huh? Exactly. You heard me, my stomach or abdominal area. I remember one faithful Sunday wearing an outfit and going to ask my mother what she thought about the outfit. She had nothing to say yet, proceeded to lift my shirt to look at my stomach. She could not find what she was looking for there. She proceeded to look at my breast. I did not understand what this meant until I got older.

For my non-Nigerian Readers, most Nigerian mother’s biggest fear is their daughter getting pregnant out of wedlock. I cannot remember what year I started my period. From the time I started my period till 2019, my mother had suspected me of per-marital pregnancy.

Mind you, I did not get my first boyfriend still I was 30 years old. Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy is a journey I should have embarked on years ago. The worse part my mothers’ suspicion was that she brought it to church. With my eyes closed, hands raised high, I would open my eyes to my very observant mother eyes’ wide open and looking at my abdomen. I was not a flat belly kind of chick which made matters worse.

I did everything right. I graduated undergrad. I worked. I paid my bills religiously. I contributed to the household to the best of my ability. If there were other expectations of me, there were not clearly stated and thus, absolutely none of my business. I put myself in grad school and paid my way through with less than 11,000 in debt even after paying out of states fees. I worked hard to not disgrace my family, yet my good deeds were completely ignored. I was obviously too good to be true which is why someone would open their eyes in the presence of God to scrutinize the size of my belly in Church. In 2019, I completely lost it!

This post is not to make my mother look bad. She was not the only person who was suspicious of my per-marital woes. There were other women in my church who did the same thing. Morale of this post is, it does not matter how good you are, people will put you in whatever bracket they choose to put you in. You must break free and stay true to yourself.

I give you permission to leave any environment that does not foster growth. You must leave any environment that sows negativity when you are trying to stay positive for yourself and your future. I did that. I left for my sanity. I left because I did not want to become a product of a toxic environment. You are a product of your environment if you continue to stay. Your life and future matters. Leave as soon as possible and get yourself a good therapist.  This is where the therapy part comes in.

The truth is hurt people hurt others. You must make time to forgive and heal from the negative influences of your environment. Your life is worth it. Please never stop healing..

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever”

Psalms 73:26

Nigerian Men 101: How to capture a Nigerian Man’s Heart?

Ladies, I have answered a lot of your questions about Nigerian men.
It’s time to hear from the horse’s mouth
Check out this video as these guys answer this question.
I like this group of guys because they are a good representation of the types of Nigerian guys you will meet in the States.
They are smart, funny, educated, witty and very Nigerian.
Each guy brings a different perspective to the discussion which I love.
Check out the video.

Let me know what you think?
Email, comment or facebook me!!

The Death Penalty for Men who marry Underage women in Nigeria..

Child-Not-BrideMarrying an underage child is prohibited in Nigeria, yet child marriages are prevalent in Nigeria.  Some people call it marriage, I call it slavery. A female child under the age of 18 is given off to marriage without her exercising her god-given right as a human being, that’s slavery. No parent should be allowed to give their underage child to marriage. These children are stripped of their rights to be children from a young age. Their innocence is stripped off as they are forced to experience things their underdeveloped brains can’t comprehend.

Life is in age stages.

Children are given off as young as 12 years old.
Do you know how immature I was at 12 years old?
At 27, I am still not ready to tie the knot.
That’s beside the point. Of all the things I hate about my country, child marriages is on my top list.
Any Christian or Muslim Man (more prevalent amongst Muslim men) who marries a girl under the age of 18 should get the death penalty.
The death penalty might seem too extreme; these men with their perverted heads deserve it.

Child marriages are inhumane and barbaric.
I hate when society flirt with the future of our children.
Some women even 18 years are not ready for marriage, how much more our little children?
These girls are children.
What sick demon in the form of a man would want to sleep with a child?
These men need a help because they are not normal.
Normal men marry women who are of age.

Why would you want a child who doesn’t know anything about anything?
Are beautiful, matured women scarce in Nigeria?
A man who marries a child needs to check in a psych hospital because he needs some serious help.

NO CHILD SHOULD BE FORCED INTO MARRIAGE.
EVERY MAN WHO MARRIES A CHILD UNDER THE AGE OF 18 SHOULD GET THE DEATH PENALTY.

We are not Animals. Even animals have more sense.

Enough is enough!!

50 Influential People You Wouldn’t Believe Are Nigerians Part 1

Obsessed

When a non-Nigerian or foreigner hears of the country ‘Nigeria’ – I guess the 1st thing that comes to mind are all the negative things that has been said about the country in the media (especially foreign media – Duh its a no brainer that it would be them) or what they have read so far Online.
A friend told me his classmates at Harvard kept asking if it’s true that their are lions and zebras walking on the streets and major highways in Nigeria, So i asked him what was his reply to them, he said and I quote “The movie ‘The gods must be crazy’ is kinda mis-educating you all, seriously Africa is way more develop than what you see on all the Project save Africa mini-documentary on TV” well i wasn’t impressed with his answer though! but i’m sure he made his point clear cause I would…

View original post 4,756 more words

What Africans want? Google answers..

Google is the most popular search engine in the world. Recently, google analyzed the most popular searches in every country in the world. Take a brief moment to try to guess what countries in Africa are searching for? The results are very interesting…..

Africa 3mapAfrica’s Google Search Map: Photo Credit from dailymail.uk
Africa searches..Africans care about realistic things like food, cows, houses, and building houses; however countries like Nigeria, Mauritania and Zambia are exceptions. Nigeria and Zambia care more about weddings and Mauritania care more about slaves(it doesn’t surprise me).

Click here to read the full article of other continents

How to know if your Nigerian Man is Married to someone in Nigeria by Olaniyi Abodedele

Re-blogged from the Nigerian Voice Magazine

Today I want to stand up and speak on behalf of many innocent ladies across the globe who have been deceived by a few Nigerian men for one reason or the other while they are married to a Nigerian lady; in return I want to hear your views and experience as well.

Nigeria is a country made up of the lawful and the unlawful, pretty much like other countries we all know. One difference is, Nigerians see the developed world as countries which present them with great opportunities they can take advantage of. The honest truth is that, they are a hard working bunch, no matter which field they find themselves.

For too long, Nigeria and Nigerians have been readily associated with the online scams, financial crime, identity theft, deceit and impersonation – termed 419’. However, beyond the unfortunate stereotyping, there are several positive characteristics and cogent intriguing traits of the country, and its people.

Mostly when you hear about Nigerian men, it’s either about one controversy or the other, the sad reality is that bad news spread like wild fire over good news.  A country so blessed, yet, refuses to grow due to corruption and ignorance of its leaders, a country so blessed; yet, honesty is a scares commodity amongst majority of its citizen.  A country so blessed; yet, the mindset of the average person are questionable. Despite all these Nigerian men are still one of the most loving men, if you are lucky to meet the good ones.

The topic about Nigerian men is never ending from Africa to Europe to Asia to the middle East, down to America and Australia; they are cherished by lucky women who..Click here to read the full article and for more interesting articles on Nigerian men

Black Americans through the eyes of a foreigner:

10 Things that make me angry about Black Americans…

1. Black Americans who blame white people for their problem- I can’t stand people who blame others for their problems.  Take responsibility for your life. White people are not responsible for your problems. You are your biggest problem. You will continue to be a victim of slavery if you believe that whites are responsible for your plights.

2. Black Americans who burn stores, businesses in the name of protesting- Using violence to protest violence is a contradiction. Martin Luther King Jr would be disappointed, if he was here. Martin Luther King jr. didn’t use violence to fight for your freedom. Peaceful protest is the way to go.

3. If you are afraid of white people, you need to check yourself: mental slaver y is the worst type of slavery. Whites can’t do anything to you. The best way to win this racism war is to be successful. If success is not your aim your fore-fathers fought for nothing. Fear will subject you to live a mediocre life.

4. Black American men who refuse to take care of their children. The one that hurts the most are the Black American men who know what it feels like to grow up without a father and they choose to put their children through the same. You are a disgrace to the whole black race.

  1. Black American women who have children for irresponsible black men. You clearly know that he is not taking care of his other five children and you are having a child for him. Why? God forgive all you Black American women who don’t care how your choices will affect the future of your children.
  2. 6. Men who choose women over their children. If she doesn’t love your children, she is not worth it. Your children matter.
  3. 7. Black on black crimes: of course, I don’t condone killing people period. You fulfill the wishes of the slave masters by killing each other. Continue kiling each other in the name of mental slavery. Let’s call it what it is.8. Successful black American men and women who are not mentors for other black males and females. We need more black men to mentor young adult men especially those without fathers in their lives.

    9. Successful black men and women who allow their success to enter their heads to the point that they forget their race. You are disgrace to your generation.

10. Black Americans who choose to be Statistic. Raise above the statistics because you must.

I see Greatness in you Black Americans. Do you?

God bless the Broken Road..

God bless the Broken Road..

Recently, I find myself asking God “why?”
We serve an amazing God that even when negative things happen in our lives; he uses it for a greater good.

So when negative things happen in my life, I tell God “thank you for the broken road,” it’s through the broken road that I really understand God’s sovereignty.
The broken road tells me about myself and pulls me closer to God.
The broken road allows me to trust God’s plan and purpose for my life.
The broken road gives me a testimony to encourage others.

As Christians we are not immune to struggles, pain, tears and problems.
However, he promised he will never leave us nor forsake us.
I don’t complain about the broken road because it is part of the journey.
The broken road allows me to use my pain to help others.

Thank God for the broken Road!!!!

What does the broken road mean to you?

Coming to America 101 for Nigerians..

Coming to AmericaAfter 14 years in America, here’s my advice to my fellow Nigerians migrating to the United States of America. My advice is solely from my experience. This is not to negate the fact that your experiences might be different from mine.

1. Smile: Smiling is huge in the American culture. I remember a lot of Americans telling me that they thought I was “mean”(rude person) because I didn’t smile. Even if you don’t feel like smiling, smile because it shows that you are friendly.

2. If your name is hard to pronounce, be prepared for people to ask you if you have a nickname. I thought my name was simple until I came to the States. I had to teach a lot of Americans on the right way to pronounce my name. They asked me for a nickname, I say “no.” I hate people asking me for a nickname because it seemed like I was changing my name to fit their inability to pronounce my name. You can give them a nickname, that’s your call.

3. Be prepared to educate people on Africa: it depends on the types of people you meet. A lot of people are curious about Africans and Africa, so expect a lot of questions. Brush up on your African geography, history and be prepared to answer any questions. You will get intelligent questions as well, nothing tedious. Get ready. Don’t be surprised if somebody asks you if you have Ebola.

4. If you want attention, wear your African attire: you wear African attire like nothing back at home. Over here, people will look at you except you wear it in a place where they are familiar with African attires. You will get a lot of compliments for your African attires. Some Americans are intrigued by our African attires.

5. You have an accent-After 14 years in the States; Americans can still hear my accent. Americans will ask you a lot of questions about your accent.

6. If your friends invite you to the movies or somewhere that requires money. Don’t assume that because they invited you that there are responsible for paying. You are responsible for paying except they specifically tell you they will pay for you. If you don’t have money, let them know.

7.You can call everyone by their first names here, except for your teachers and boss. The whole Aunty and Uncle still apply for Nigerian adults here(at least for me).

Welcome to America!!! Buckle up, work hard, study hard and don’t forget to make Nigeria proud. Wink!!

Any questions? Please comment below or email me: 9jagirl4real@gmail.com