Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy

Last year, I decided to leave home. It was a bold step for me seeing that my culture encourages unmarried ladies to stay grounded at home until Mr. Right comes around. After a tumultuous undergrad journey, I decided to pursue my graduate studies. As an immigrate (unfortunately…) I had to anticipate out-of-state fees even though I have been in the United for States for more than 10 years (do not ever overstay a visa in America). Grad school meant staying at home to go to school which to me really sucked (my biggest regret in life!).

My Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy journey began in May 2019 when I finally graduated from grad school (Thank God!) For those who do not know me, I am noticeably big on family. Last year was the most pivotal year in my Nigerian journey in the United States. I did not realize going to school and staying at home was a big mistake. It was last year that I finally realized that I should have left home sooner than I did. I hope you learn from my mistake.

One can argue, there is no healthy family because there is no perfect family. That is true! I think what I am trying to say is you need to be in a healthy environment. It is important for your growth and your peace of mind. Sometimes, I wonder the person I would have been if I had left home earlier. Would have I been happier? Smarter? Who knows… I am all for the Nigerian culture but I think your peace of mind is more important.

In my opinion, I was the perfect daughter. I had faced something tumultuous in my undergrad but I persevered. I didn’t really have a real boyfriend until I was 30 years (I am 31 now). I followed all the rules, heck! I was a choir director at my church for 4 years. I was the praise and worship leader at some point. I was humble, thoughtful, and respectful. I was meticulous to make sure I did not bring shame to my family.

I thought home was supposed to be an incubator of positive minds and energy. My home environment from 2012-2019 turned out to be a nightmare. It has always been a nightmare, but last year took the blindfold from my eyes. Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy is my journey to heal from all the negativity 2012-2019 brought my way.

I love Jesus. I have always had a soft spot for God from an incredibly young age. I took my relationship with God more seriously in my High School years. I would spend days fasting and praying for days. I would post bible verses all over my side of the wall when I shared a room with my immediate older sister. I didn’t do these things so I would be viewed differently by my parents or family members. I honestly took my relationship with God to another level.

I remember when I started my period (menstrual cycle) and my mother told me “don’t play with boys” that was her failed attempt in teaching me about the birds and the bees. From that point onward, my mother has had an interesting relationship with my stomach. Huh? Exactly. You heard me, my stomach or abdominal area. I remember one faithful Sunday wearing an outfit and going to ask my mother what she thought about the outfit. She had nothing to say yet, proceeded to lift my shirt to look at my stomach. She could not find what she was looking for there. She proceeded to look at my breast. I did not understand what this meant until I got older.

For my non-Nigerian Readers, most Nigerian mother’s biggest fear is their daughter getting pregnant out of wedlock. I cannot remember what year I started my period. From the time I started my period till 2019, my mother had suspected me of per-marital pregnancy.

Mind you, I did not get my first boyfriend still I was 30 years old. Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy is a journey I should have embarked on years ago. The worse part my mothers’ suspicion was that she brought it to church. With my eyes closed, hands raised high, I would open my eyes to my very observant mother eyes’ wide open and looking at my abdomen. I was not a flat belly kind of chick which made matters worse.

I did everything right. I graduated undergrad. I worked. I paid my bills religiously. I contributed to the household to the best of my ability. If there were other expectations of me, there were not clearly stated and thus, absolutely none of my business. I put myself in grad school and paid my way through with less than 11,000 in debt even after paying out of states fees. I worked hard to not disgrace my family, yet my good deeds were completely ignored. I was obviously too good to be true which is why someone would open their eyes in the presence of God to scrutinize the size of my belly in Church. In 2019, I completely lost it!

This post is not to make my mother look bad. She was not the only person who was suspicious of my per-marital woes. There were other women in my church who did the same thing. Morale of this post is, it does not matter how good you are, people will put you in whatever bracket they choose to put you in. You must break free and stay true to yourself.

I give you permission to leave any environment that does not foster growth. You must leave any environment that sows negativity when you are trying to stay positive for yourself and your future. I did that. I left for my sanity. I left because I did not want to become a product of a toxic environment. You are a product of your environment if you continue to stay. Your life and future matters. Leave as soon as possible and get yourself a good therapist.  This is where the therapy part comes in.

The truth is hurt people hurt others. You must make time to forgive and heal from the negative influences of your environment. Your life is worth it. Please never stop healing..

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever”

Psalms 73:26

Forever the Best Father’s Day Gift

Father's Day 2017Father’s day is coming up!! My amazing  father will be here for father’s day.
The best gift a woman can give her children is to pick a good man for her future children. I think it is not wise to be having unprotected sex with any man you wouldn’t be proud to give your children as a father.

Please avoid these types of guys when you want children:

1. A guy who is currently not taking care of his children from previous relationships
2. A guy who has no financial capital to provide for your child
3. A guy has a crazy baby’s mama he cannot control.
4. A male who is obviously sleeping around with every female he comes in contact with.
5. A guy who doesn’t want kids.
6. A guy who is not prepared to have a baby.
7. A guy who has a reckless lifestyle with no clear plans of where he is going with his life.
8. A guy who is not responsible for himself. He has no control over his finances. His mother or father pays for this upkeep.
9. He doesn’t have any long-term goals that include you. If you want to get married before kids. He has no goals of marrying you.
10. The guy who you know obviously doesn’t like you. If you like him and think you can convert him to like you after a child, think again!! If you like him and he doesn’t like you, you are only hurting yourself having a baby with him.

Think about the type of father you want to give your children. Give your children a man they can be proud of. Give them a father who will do them right all the days of their life. Give them a man who will fight for them.

The best gift you can give your future children is to pick a good man to be their father!!

To all great fathers out there.. God bless You for all you do!

With love,

9jagirl4real

Photo Credit: Google

Nigerian Brain: Meet the Nigerian Teen who got accepted to all 8 Ivy league Universities..

I am always so happy about this stories like this one.. Harold Ekeh
Education is huge for Nigerians, so we take pride in our success stories.

Meet our Nigerian Brain(Harold Ekeh)…

I am so proud of this teen. You have no idea. I love it when Nigerians in America make us proud.
To all Nigerians out there making Nigeria proud and a better place. I celebrate you!!!

To God be the GLORY!!

This is what an African look like..

Some Americans say to me: “You don’t look African”

My reply: What does an African look like?

Their reply: I don’t know not like you.

My reply: Well, this is what an African look like..

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Things you do as a teenager that you will regret when you get older:

  1. Smoking-it might look “cool” to smoke among your peers, but it is setting you up for a lifetime of smoking addiction. Everything you do as a teenager is not always “kool.” One day you will grow up to regret it. Google the consequences of smoking and see what you are exposing yourself to. Smoking increases your chances of various health problems. If you don’t want to listen to me just make sure you have a good health insurance.

    2. Smoking illegal circumstances: again might seem “kool” now that you are young but you can’t find a legit job when you get older. You can be a genius and become a business owner, but when you are hooked on this stuff you will be doing business to support your drug addiction. Smoking illegal substances opens the door to extreme poverty and bad judgment. Your teenage friends don’t know how smoking these illegal substances will affect you for the rest of our life. Don’t believe me: Get ready to fail some drug tests. If you can’t pass your drug test, you wouldn’t be able to get a legit job. Hello, poverty!!

    3. Bullying the nerdy kids-guess what? Nerds are smart. What do we know about smart people? Smart, nerdy people make money. When the nerd you bullied in high school ends up being your boss (you will regret ever bully nerdy kids).   Bully shouldn’t take place in our schools; however, it is happening. We should all take a stand against bullying. You don’t know people’s future. The nerd you bullied could be the next president. If you like it or not, you will always regret bullying that nerd because the nerd will always win!

    4. Joining a gang: only gets you up for time in prison. Are you in a gang? Enjoy your life now as a free kid because you will soon sleep in a room right next to your toilet. Don’t allow your peers to fool you; being in a gang makes you weak. Nothing positive comes from being in a gang. Smell the roses now because you will soon be sitting in a juvenile prison regretting your actions. Nobody is greater than the law.

    5.Dropping out of High school– Yes, you can always go back and get your GED. People still regret the actions that lead them to drop out.

6. Having a baby: you are not financially, psychologically ready for the stress that comes with having a baby. You are a baby having a baby. The responsibility that comes with having a baby is one that you are absolutely not ready for. Your whole life changes when you have a baby. Your baby becomes the center of your world. A lot of teenagers regret having a baby this young.

7. Getting married-As a teenager, you are still growing and learning about the world and love. You will soon find out that the person you are in high school is not the person will you become after college. You are still growing. Give yourself time to grow. Your body is going through changes. Your hormones are raging. Getting married now is only something you will regret later.

Nigerian Men are buying Nigerian Women like Suya..

Woman Holding BanknotesNigerian Women, our sole purpose on earth is not to get married to a politician or a rich man. It is also not our duty to give any man a male child that’s God’s duty. A lot of us have the mentality of marrying rich because the present economic situation in Nigeria. A man who buys your heart with his money will use the same money to manipulate and control you in marriage except he loves you. Even when he loves you, he can still use his money to manipulate you. It is our duty to claim our rights in our society by fighting for it. I hope you are paying attention to what is happening in our society. A lot of rich Nigerian men can get away with anything when it comes to women by using their money. Nigerian women, they are using their money to manipulate you.

How can a politician have a mistress that his wife knows about? Why can’t his wife put her foot down against it? Why are we allowing our men to mistreat us and misuse us? I am aware that not all Nigerian men are this way. A woman should not go crying to her in-laws before her husband understand that he is hurting his wife. Most of these men who do these things do them because they know they can get away with it. Do men really value us as women or do they see us as the properties they can buy? (Please, answer this question). Nigerian women, we are responsible for our place in our society. If you don’t want a place in society continue allowing men to buy you like suya.

Enough is enough!! Nigerian Ladies, the way to solve your economic problem is not to marry a rich husband who can use his money to manipulate you. The way to solve this economic problem is not to sleep with men for job offers or salary. The only solution to this problem is for us to think independently outside the men in our lives. Stop thinking you need a man to maintain you. You can start your business (honestly, genuinely without sleeping with any man for funds). It is time for independent Nigerian women to emerge.

We can be financially stable without depending on any man. I don’t think it’s wrong to depend on your husband to provide for the family, but we need to stand up as Nigerian women and stop allowing these men to use their money to manipulate us.

Money doesn’t equal happiness.

THANK YOU for Helping Nigeria DEFEAT Ebola..

The World Health Organization declared Africa’s largest country by population “Ebola-free” on Monday, a sign of how easily the virus could have been contained had other West African countries acted as swiftly as Nigeria did.-The Wall Street Journal

This is one of the most excited news I have heard in a long time from Nigeria. I am so proud of my country for taking active steps to defeat Ebola.  THANK YOU to all the W.H.O doctors who traveled from their home country to help us contain this deadly virus, State and federal Ministries of Health, volunteers, helpers and anybody who played a part in helping us defeat Ebola. THANK YOU so much!!!! God bless you each and every one of you and your families. We appreciate all your help!!!!

I encourage every Nigerian to use the social media to say thank you to people who worked hard to help us eradicate Ebola.

A Preview of 1:54 Contemporary African Art Fair

I was highly honored by the invitation to be one of the launch partners of 1:54 Contemporary African Art Fair in London. Thank you so much for the invitation. The Art fair opens in five days to the public worldwide.

A preview of the African fair

My Favorite artist: Sammy Baloji
My Favorite piece: Usine de Shituru by Sammy Baloji (I really like this piece)
My Favorite exhibitions: Magnin A and Apalazzo Gallery

canvas 154You are not ready for this Fair..
It is going to be Epic!!

Click here for more information. 

Eagles Highlight: 2,014 Signatures for Peace in Nigeria

International Eagles of Nigeria

10356266_374234652733933_170481252027304606_n Congrats to Imo-owo Mbede who is currently running a peace campaign in Nigeria. Corruption, violence is slowly becoming the norm for Nigerians. It takes Eagles like him to stand up to fight for change. We have had enough blood shed in Nigeria. It’s time for Peace and Unity to reign in our motherland.

What are you doing to help make your country a better place?

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Happy Independence Day, NIGERIA!!!

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I pray for a country free of violence, corruption, hatred, hostility,and selfish politicians. Dreams without actions are a fantasy. What are you doing daily to help make Nigeria a better place?