1. Rebel against the mindset that you need a man to take care of you.
If no one is hiring, start your own business. What can your hands do to bring you money?
Find it and do it!!
2. Rebel against the mindset that you MUST marry from your culture. I am a firm believer that love doesn’t discriminate. If he loves you and you love him, please do not give up fighting to be with the person you love.
3. Rebel against the mindset that you are supposed to manage in an abusive marriage.
4. Rebel against the mindset that you are second class citizen.
5. Rebel against the mindset that your self-worth is found in a relationship with a man. Find your self-worth outside your husband and marriage. Find your self-worth within.
Hey Semi. Remember me? I am that grad student you dumped because I couldn’t afford the Brazilian hair you wanted. I told you, “Babe, please be patient with me until I am done with graduate school.” You told me you couldn’t wait. You dumped our five year relationship for a guy who borrowed money to marry you. You broke my heart then I realized it was a blessing in disguise. Now, I have a woman who loves me for me, not my money. We are co-partners in our multimillion dollar business we started two years ago. When you left, I discovered women like my wife still exist. My wife and I are expecting our first child. We will be celebrating in Dubai; you are invited with your family. I hope you are happy in the hut with your husband.
I pray this will never be your portion in Jesus name! A lot of women like Semi are short-sighted to see beyond the present. I have heard stories like this time and time again where a lady mistakes a hero for zero and a zero for a hero. It is hard pill to swallow when you realize you have made a lifelong mistake you can’t eradicate. Thus, it is very important to recognize when the guy in your life is hero.
The concept of a hero or a zero is subjective. My hero may be your zero and vice versa. It is important for you to recognize who is a hero. Personally, the differences between a hero and a zero has more to do with character. But that’s just my opinion. No matter where that guy is today, see that guy five years from now. If he is still a zero then you need to let him go. No condition is permanent. If you miss out on a great guy, you have only yourself to blame. A man who is focused, disciplined, and working towards his goals is a hero regardless of what his bank account says. A man who has children he is not taking care of is a zero. A man who blames everybody but himself for his current state in life is a zero. A man who flashes with expensive cars with no savings towards his future is a zero. But a man who lives within his means and makes wise decisions with his money is a hero.
To be honest, if you miss out on a great guy, check yourself because you might be a zero.
Our invitation read “the parents …… and ….. request your presence at the joining of their children, Dr. Femi and Dr. Bola in holy matrimony.” Our wedding was the talk of town. Our wedding announcements were all over the news, blogs, and Nigerian websites. The single ladies envied me and gossiped about me in their domestic corners. Our guests were invited from all over the world. Our traditional wedding (cultural West-African) took place in a sophisticated island for the elites in Lagos, Nigeria. All six of my wedding planners were on stand-by making sure I was pleased on my dream day. Assorted wines were imported from France; even the goats killed for the occasion got a respectful death.
My husband is a US-trained brain surgeon. He is brilliantly sought after by the best of the best. He is naturally quiet in nature, but the grandeur of this day blew him away. Our guests were all given a uniform attire to grace our day in style. It was very amusing seeing our white friends in our traditional African attire. Our photographers, bloggers, and videographers were all imported from aboard. Presidents, Princes, and Princesses from different African countries honored our invitation. The best chefs and cooks served our eloquent dishes and Nigerian delicacies.
This is the wedding of my dream and I am not happy. The man I wanted was in his house drowning in his tears. I can’t stand the mere sight of him crying. I pleaded with him to understand. He cried, “What should I understand? Bola, I have dated you for six years and you are about to marry somebody else!! Why is this happening to me? I did not touch you from the very beginning because I wanted to marry..” (sobbing). We both cried and held each other. In my tears, I saw myself holding the man of my dreams while wearing another man’s engagement ring. My life became complicated.
Suku is a self-made millionaire with no college degree. My parents told me that they don’t want to associate themselves with an illiterate. I told them, he is not an illiterate, he is a millionaire. My father told me, “I am not interested in illiterate money.” For three years I pleaded with my parents to allow me to marry the man I loved, they refused. One precious day my mother blatantly scorned me about Suku saying she didn’t marry an illiterate and that only over her dead body would she allow me marry my love.
All Suku and I know to do these days is to hold each other and cry. He finally told me that he loved me so much that he will allow me to honor my parent’s wishes. I begged him not to give up on our love, he said, he wasn’t but he couldn’t watch me wait forever for an answer that will never come. We both cried for weeks when I told him that my parents agreed to Dr. Femi’s proposal to me. Dr. Femi is a great man with wonderful attributes; I already gave my heart to someone else. That guy my parents call an “illiterate” is the man of my dreams. He doesn’t have a college degree; he worked hard for every cent of his money. He built a multi-million naira business from scratch as an orphan.
This part is for my Nigerian ladies, who like me, are manipulated by their Nigerian parents to marry people they don’t want to marry. Don’t allow your Nigerian parents make the most important life decision for you. After the guests leave, the music stops, you take off your wedding dress, and marriage begins!! Life is too short to live with regrets. Make your own decisions, and take responsibility for the negative outcomes of your decisions. Your parents will one day die and leave you with your husband and you will have to figure it out. Don’t marry for status or to please anyone. I am not saying don’t listen to your parents, I am saying make your own decision and don’t let your parents make it for you. Marriage is a lifelong commitment.
Take your time and choose accordingly!!!
My marriage with Dr. Femi didn’t last. The size of the love matters more than the size of the wedding. Money CAN’T buy happiness. Status CAN’T buy happiness.
I am back in the arms of the man of my dreams. I choose love. I choose Suku!
Edited by: Kelli Busbee
Please share this post to all your single Nigerian lady friends and like us on facebook!
Heard a story of a brother and sister who attended the same church, got attracted to each other, started courting and eventually got married in the same church. Few weeks after their wedding, they had a misunderstanding and in the course of argument, the husband told the wife that if you say anymore word I will slap you and that she shouldn’t think he’s that kind of spiritual brother she met in church and that he only wanted to have a good wife in church and the wife also replied that if he dare slap her she will break bottle on his head and that she’s not the kind of spiritual sister he met in church and that she also wanted to get the right man in church. So that’s how two wrong partners in form of pretence got married.
The above story is just the truth about relationship, we were taught in physics that like charges repel while opposite charges attract but one of the things I’ve learnt in relationship is that like people attract and opposite people repel. You will attract the kind of person you are. A right person will attract the right partner while a wrong person will attract the wrong partner. So instead of hoping to find the right man/lady
for you, you can take time to ‘become the right person’ because the right partners are also looking for right persons that will complement them.
So let’s look at how to become the right person.
SELF-DISCOVERY: The fundamental thing required in becoming the right person is self-discovery. The problem we have among many young people is that they don’t know who they are and that is why they tends to dress anyhow, talk anyhow and do all manner of things just because they lack that sense of identity. The question is; who are you?Discovering yourself is not what you can do on your own, you don’t know yourself and once you don’t know the purpose of a thing abuse is inevitable. So self-discovery means knowing who you are and why you are created (your purpose). Until you know yourself, you can’t be the best that God wants you to be. It is in your discovery that you will get to know why you are created. It is your discovery that gives you an identity; it distinguishes you from everyone else and helps you to live life maximally. Discover your purpose today.
Like I said earlier that discovering yourself is not what you can do on your own, you don’t know yourself and it takes someone that knows you to reveal who you are to you. The only person who knows you is God (Jeremiah 1:5) and you need to have a relationship with God before He can reveal yourself to you, you need to be born again by accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and saviour. Jesus Christ is the one who connect us to God; He is the way to the Father (John 14:6).
For you to discover yourself, you must cultivate a daily relationship with God. You can only discover your purpose out of an intimacy with God. The more of God you know or the more you know God, the more you know yourself. Before you think of choosing the right partner you must first become the right person. God wants you to know Him before you know the right partner.
Adam had a personal relationship with God before God brought him a wife, let God form you and put you in the right place. You are to carry your relationship with God into your relationship with the opposite sex. Your relationship with God should be guideline for your relationship with the opposite sex. Spend time to study the word of God and let it become a part of you; discover the truth about you from the word of God. When you inquire of God, He answers you (Jeremiah 33:3)
Marriage is a continuation of God’s plan for your life; it is not something you can just rush into because the bulk of your life will be spent in marriage. So take time to discover yourself in God, discover your purpose and ensure you cultivate a daily relationship with God.
DESIRE AND DECIDE IT: It is not enough to wish to be the right person; you must desire it and decide you will be the right person no matter what. God honours our desires especially when we tell it to him in prayers (mark 11:24), so you must desire to be the right person and also pray that God make you the right person. Also, you are where you are today because of the decisions you have taking over time. The firm decision you take will help you to pay the sacrifices needed to become the right person. Daniel decided not to defile himself (Daniel 1:8), so you too can decide today to become the right person.
ADD VALUE TO YOUR SELF: One of the things that give us an edge in life is knowledge. Knowledge is life and power. You are who you are today because of what you know and what you don’t know. You are also responsible for what you know or don’t know.
So in order for you to become the right person, you must keep adding value to yourself (2 Peter 1:5-8), study books and materials that will make you become a better person. You also need wisdom, ask God for wisdom (James 1:5). Wisdom will make all the difference in your life. So get wisdom (Proverb 4:5-7).
Discover your talent, skill-up in the area of your talent, then decide and begin to deliver solutions to human problems using your talent. Improve on yourself, dress decent and moderately; you will be addressed by the way you dress(your appearance matters a lot). Read books on leadership, relationship, business, attend seminars and apply what you’ve learnt to your life.
POSITIVE ASSOCIATION: The people you associate with matters a lot in determining who you will become. Like the popular saying that says show me your friends and I will tell you who you are, you must be mindful of the people you associate with. Associate with godly people and make friends with people you know you want to be like. If you must become the right person, you must make conscious effort to select who you associate with. He that walks with the wise shall be wise (prov 13:20).
MIND YOUR MIND
You need to mind what you allow into your mind. It also goes a long way in determining who you will turn out to be. Carefully scrutinize the materials you feed on. You are a product of what you allow into your life. So you must constantly guard your heart (prov 4:23). The songs you listen to, the movies you watch and the magazine you read all contribute to who you become in life. You need to constantly renew your mind with the word of God and disabuse your mind from various lies and deceit of the devil. Let the word of God transform you into the right person you want to become (Rom 12:2).
Ladies, I have answered a lot of your questions about Nigerian men.
It’s time to hear from the horse’s mouth
Check out this video as these guys answer this question.
I like this group of guys because they are a good representation of the types of Nigerian guys you will meet in the States.
They are smart, funny, educated, witty and very Nigerian.
Each guy brings a different perspective to the discussion which I love.
Check out the video.
Let me know what you think?
Email, comment or facebook me!!
Ladies, when was the last time you appreciated your black man?
In a society where black men are perceived in a negative light, it is your responsibility to appreciate your good black man.
Our good black men need more accolades.
Our men are not all bad.
It is rough for our men out there; they have to deal with all types of prejudices, social injustices, racism and much more..
Honor your good black man!!
You don’t have to wait till his birthday to appreciate him.
Your man has a choice to stop providing for his family, but he wakes up every day to make sure his family is ok.
He needs to be appreciated.
Tell him what his presence means to you and your family.
Have the kids do something special to honor him.
Being a black man in America is not easy.
A black man has to work extra hard in environment that was designed to work against him.
The outside world has wolves ready to tear him down.
You have a good black man who takes care of you, his kids and household?
Please, give him the honor and respect, he deserves.
To good black men out there, who treat their women well, raise their kids and do the right thing: I SALUTE you!!
Ruth is Naomi’s daughter- in- law and now Mrs. Boaz. She is famous for her love story with her husband, Boaz. It’s a very unique story.
9jagirl4real: Thank you Ruth for choosing to do this web interview with me. I am honored to have you talk to me outside your busy schedule.
Ruth: Thank you so much for having me. I always feel honored to share my story with the world.
9jagirl4real: Let’s get right in then…
9jagirl4real: You know your story is very unique story because you married a rich man. A lot of women in my country, Nigeria want to marry politicians because they are rich. What is the secret in getting a rich man?
Ruth: Work! Face God’s business and God will bring the man. After my ex-husband died, I moved from New York to Florida with my mother-in-law. I was also going through grief missing my ex-husband, but I had to get myself together and went back to work. I prayed with my mother-in-law and I left with God’s favor. So ladies, face God’s work. Whatever God gives you to do at the time.
9jagirl4real: You are saying you got your husband by working. What type of work? A lot of women nowadays are working very hard by wearing flashlights (mini skirts, shorts, fake breasts, boobs) So explain what you mean by work.
Ruth: Work as in I got a job. Do something. Have something going for yourself. Do you think Boaz would have noticed me if I wasn’t working? I concentrated on the job I was doing and I did it wholeheartedly for God. Boaz noticing me was nothing of my doing either. It was God’s favor on my life. When you are about God’s business, he will favor you.
9jagirl4real: Wow.. Ruth is preaching on my blog!! It was an honor having you here. Thank you so much. Greet your husband, and mother-in-law for me.
9jagirl4real: What can you learn from the love story of Ruth and Boaz? Ruth wasn’t lazy. She was about God’s business and God gave her husband. Instead of spending your time looking for a rich husband, spend your time and face God’s business or whatever God puts in your hands to do. Do something!! Let’s be real, no man of God wants a lazy woman. Use this time to add value to yourself inside and outside. Your blessing doesn’t necessarily have to be a rich man. If you desperately want a rich man, no problem, you also need to be a rich woman. Let’s be fair.
I have conditioned my heart to only love you. I conditioned my thoughts to only think about you. I pray, I grow into the woman who will never disappoint you. I pray, I do you good all the days of my life. My heart beats for only God and you. You are the father of my future children. I can’t wait to meet you. I pray you love God more than me. I pray, we love God more than each other. I will close my eyes until God opens my eyes to you. I am ready for good and bad days with you. God first… Till we meet, I will wait for you!!!