Nigerian Humor

Oga means: Master

Akpos who was a houseboy
usually
sneaks into his Oga’s room,
drinks his
wine and adds water to top it up.
One day
his Oga bought a new wine called
pasties,
it was a french wine that changes
colour
if water is added onto it. Akpos
unaware
of this, sneaks into his Oga’s
room,
drank the new wine and added
water on
it. Immediately it started changing
colour.
Akp
os: I am in trouble, big trouble. He
ran to
the kitchen. Meanwhile, Oga and
madam
were sitted in the parlour, while
Akpos
was in the kitchen.

OGA: Akpos
Akpos: Oga
OGA: who drank my pasties?
No answer!
OGA: Akpos, who drank my
pasties?.
No answer. Oga walked to the
kitchen
and saw Akpos there.
OGA: Are you insane or what?.
Why when i
call, you say “Oga” but when i ask
you a
question you don’t answer me.
Akpos: Oga when you are in the
kitchen
you don’t understand anything,
except
your name.
OGA: Is that so?. Okay go to
theparlour,
stand beside madam and ask me
a
question while i stand here.
Akpos went and did what oga
said.
Akpos: Ogaaaaaa
OGA: Yes Akpos
Akpos: Who goes into the maid’s
bedroom when madam is not
athome?.
No answer.
Akpos: Ogaaaaaa!!! You dey hear
me, I say
who dey sneak enter the house
girl room
when madam no dey house.
No answer. Oga runs out of the
kitchen.
OGA: Wonders shall never end.
Akpos, it
is true o, when one is in the
kitchen, one
does not hear anything, except
one’s
name.
MADAM: That’s not true. It’s a lie.
Akpos: Madam, do you want to be
tested?
MADAM: Yes
Akpos: Oya enter the kitchen
She enters.
Akpos: Madam
MADAM: Yes Akpos
Akpos: Who is Junior’s
biologicalFather?
Me or Oga
Madam rushed out of the kitchen
MADAM: This kitchen needs to be
fumigated o, I can’t understand
anything
at all.

Author: Unknown

Again, if I get more likes..I will be posting more Nigerian humors

Africa 101-Where do Africans Live?

I am Nigerian.
I will be honest and tell you what I know and saw.
During the series, we will learn more about other African countries together.

Nigeria is in West Africa.
I lived in Nigeria for 12 years, I know what I am talking about..

Just like the states you have the city and rural areas.
In Rural areas.. people of low socioeconomic class lived in huts or mud houses.
In the city, people lived in brisk houses.
In some developing places, you would see Brisk houses and mud houses spread around.

Example of a hut:
Image

Example of a Brisk house:

Image

People in Nigeria live in huts or brisk houses.
Depends mostly on their socioeconomic status.
We don’t live in trees..

Africa 101- Clicking Language

Lesson #3

All Africans don’t speak the language that makes clicking sounds.
The name of the language is Xhosa language and it is South African (Info from Google Scholar)
It is very appropriate to ask someone from South Africa about this language.

Asking other Africans about this language is not appropriate.

Again, this language is South African.

Tomorrow… I will answer this question: Where do Africans live in huts? trees? forest?

Africa 101-Speak “African”

Lesson #2

Here are the countries in Africa.
Image
Each country has their own set of languages and cultures.
We don’t have a universal language.
Pls don’t ask an African person to speak “African” to you.
The best way to ask this question is to first ask:
“What language do you speak?”
Then, you can ask them to say something in that language.
Some countries in Africa have more than one language.

Why are American Kids so mean?

This was the question I asked my 12yrs old self when I started attending middle school in the United States.
I was different..(very different. In fact, different is an understatement).
I was flesh out of boarding school in Nigeria that means my hair was short (very short, In fact I could pass for a guy).  The Boarding school I attended in Nigeria, every student is  required to cut off their hair because they didn’t want us to occupy our time with hair.

My hair was very short, I had this thick African accent (some of my peers thought I was Jamaican). Some thought my accent was kool but some didn’t really know how to accept me maybe cos I was completely different from them.

Ironically, the black kids were the worse.. Most of my bullies were black kids.                        ?????
Why are people who look like me mean to me?
I expected the white kids to be the bullies cos I was completely different from them.
No..
My very own ppl bullied me.

The only difference between me and the black kids in my school was my thick accent, short hair and weird clothes. I was similar to them but why didn’t they accept me?
Coming to an unknown country, I was already culturally shocked.
But having people who looked like me bully and reject me was a hard thing for my 12 yrs old self to handle.

The white kids accepted me but don’t catch me between two white kids together that means I’d be ignored as if I wasn’t even there.
I wasn’t only bullied by one race, I was bullied by two races.
The white kids only accepted me when none of their other white friends were around
or when they fully accepted me, they told me, I couldn’t be invited to their sleep over parties because their parents were racist.

Mind you, I grew up in a country where everybody is literally BLACK.
Race was never a problem for me.
I never saw my race as a problem until I came to the States.
Certainly, I thought something was wrong with me..
why didn’t I just fit in?
In middle sch and high school.. I can’t really remember having a true black friend.

When I started wearing my hair in braids to school. The black girls were like “she thinks she is all that.” I have now figured out, they thought I was all that (jealous). Middle school was just a preparation for a full year of bullying in 9th grade. I don’t know what I did to these two black guys in my English class, they always had something to say. I couldn’t quite place why I was still a target after my hair grew, I didn’t wear weird clothes anymore. I guess, it didn’t matter that I  looked like them.. cos I was still different.

To the white kids: I was black.
To the black kids: I was obviously different

I do admit I was different; however, after my weird clothes changed, my hair grew and my accent was not as thick. Why was I still different to black kids?

I should blame these kids for being so inconsiderate of my situation as this poor little African girl who just wanted to be accepted. No. The kids are not at fault. I am now grown ( I think, I am lol!). I think Parents contribute a lot to how kids think about their peers.

bulliesParents if you constantly tell your kids to only talk to a certain race, class. etc.. you are opening your kids to an environment where they think something is wrong with people who don’t look like them or you don’t want them to associate. Why do you think bullying is still a problem in American schools? I am aware some bullies have issues at home but what about bullies whose parents tell them to only be friends with kids that look like them?

Kids are so innocent and pure. God didn’t create kids to see race. Allow a child and they will play with everybody. Sadly, parents start as early as elementary school to poison their kids minds to segregate. Racism/discrimination/bulling  is still alive cos you are allowing it. How can you honestly teach your kids to hate or not associate with that race or class? I understand educating your child not to associate with kids who are trouble makers.

When you fill your kid’s head with hate at home don’t act surprised when he or she acts on it in school. The best place to teach tolerance is at home.

Black parents, your child doesn’t only have to deal with bullies from another race but also from your own race. I call it, double threat of Racism from kids of their own race. Bullying doesn’t discriminate but I do think black kids are easy targets.

Bullying is rampant in this society cos parents and society are telling little kids to stay away from people different from them for no particular reason.

Yes, there’s no right answer to this problem.
You want to stop bullying?!
Start by educating your children and lead by example.
Little kids are dying cos of bullying,
you need to start talking.
I know most of you wouldn’t do anything until your own child becomes a victim.

Dear Nigerians…

Yesterday, our Super Eagles made us so Proud.Nigeria won
Obviously, hard work, perseverance and dedication pays off.
I pray.. our leaders will get a wake up call and stop cheating us.
Nigeria is rich but only the leaders are rich and the civil servants are suffering.
Corruption is tearing our country apart.
The part that hurts the most is that poor are constantly exploited.
Boko haram is not our problem, our Selfish leaders are the problem.

I celebrated yesterday cos I know the God who fights for the poor is still alive
and he will vindicate us.

God please give us good leaders who will lead this great country without exploiting us.