Is our dating culture setting us up for divorce?

Think about this question before you read my answer.

picture-of-me-3.pngWhen things don’t go our way in our relationships, we break up. A lot of people enter into relationships to see what they can get not what they can give. How is your dating relationship, preparing you for marriage? Are you learning to forgive each other? Are you learning the importance of communication? Marriage stands against everything this dating culture stands for. Marriage is about love and commitment. How many of us are truly committed to “forever”? Most people on their wedding days quote “till death do us part” but how many of them run out when issues come up. We are so used to breaking up that the idea of divorce doesn’t seem that bad to us. Is our breaking up habit setting us up for divorce later?

Here is a theory from a schoolmate..

“Ok, I have a theory. I am going to call it, Anderson’s 21st Century of Relationship and Marriage Dysfunction. Young adults in the 21st century under the age of forty, have a problem with the word “sacrifice.” In order to have and maintain a strong marriage and relationship sacrifice is a required necessary element! However, because of the power and innovation of technology, young adults have become selfish, self-centered, egotistical, and have developed the Burger King mentality of thinking “they can have it their way.”

Therefore, if they cannot have what they want, when, where, and how they want it, the relationship or marriage is rendered not worth it and a break up is effective immediately! Not to mention those who remain single past forty never been married or in a longstanding relationship because they say they couldn’t find anybody they were interested in; they did not once even question if whether or not there expectations were even slightly “unrealistic,” which…they usually were! To conclude my theory: selfishness and lack of sacrifice are destroying relationships and marriages in young adults in the 21st century! This is just part one of my theory!”- Justin  Anderson

8 Things to Consider When Choosing a Husband

Vincent Egoro

Photo Credit: flickr.com Photo Credit: flickr.com

The spate of divorces, tales of heartbreaks; domestic violence; maltreatments; and so many other complains from women in the hands of their spouses, got me really wondering as to what women consider when they choose to date or marry men. I do know that women are always choosy and careful about things that matter to them. A woman would not hire a housemaid whom they have very little information about; a woman wouldn’t hire a security person whose character hasn’t been proven; women are always careful about their drivers, hairstylist, tailors, and other customers…they go all the lengths just to make sure they can trust these people. Yet when it comes to marriage, many women are always in haste. And in their haste to be married many women are too easily satisfied with the characters of men who may offer themselves as husbands.

In a rush to…

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Change the negative into a positive..

Some moments in life can really bite.
Guess what? It’s not the end of world.
The negative things in my life motivate me to work harder towards my goals.
So when negative things happen to you don’t allow it beat you down. Cry, if you have to cry.
After crying, clean your tears and work harder.
Allow it to motivate you to do better.
Self-pity will get you no way but God, hard work and determination will get you somewhere.

After crying, please get up and try!!

TEDx Talk Review: How to find your passion and inner Awesomeness by Eugene Hennie

I have not been blogging a lot because I am at a stage in my life where I am questioning.. What’s next?
What is my next step?

This Tedx Talk encouraged me on so many levels, I had to share my notes.
**********
My Notes:
Find your Passion and inner Awesomeness by:

1. Knowing yourself-likes, dislikes..etc.
2. Embracing yourself
3. Surrounding yourself with encouraging people-the company you keep will dictate where you are going in life
4. Knowing what you want
5. Working your butt off- Be willing to lose sleep.
6. Making impossible the new possible
7. Failing hard and failing often
8. Beating on your craft-keep working on your craft until you perfect it.
9. Learning to embrace confrontation
10. Doing what is right

*Your inner awesomeness is already in the inside of you*

-Eugene Hennie

Click here to watch this Tedx Talk 

For African students: School in an American University Tuition FREE.

DEADLINE TO APPLY: February 27, 2014

In preparation to launch International Eagles of Nigeria in March 2014.
I will posting some important information on here for starters.

An online American school will be starting soon to educate students in African countries.
You only need a secondary education and at least 18 years of age.
At the end of the program, you get an Associate degree.
If you are an African student, please take advantage of this opportunity and educate yourself.
If you need help or have a question: 9jagirl4real@gmail.com (I will do my best to help you get answers).

DEADLINE TO APPLY: February 27, 2014

Click on the websites below for more information: http://www.scholars4dev.com/9799/microsoft4afrika-scholarship-at-uopeople/
http://www.uopeople.org/

Please share the word to others!!

Ted Talk Review: The Skill of Self Confidence by Dr. Ivan Joseph

Here’s my notes from this this Ted Talk.

“I am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate” –Ernest Henley

Without the skill of self-confidence we are useless.

Self-confidence: the ability or belief to believe in yourself to accomplish any task, no matter the odds, the difficulty or adversity.

Self-confidence can be trained by:
1. Repetition, repetition, repetition. Practice!
The problem with repetition is that we bail out after a few tries.
Don’t accept failure; repetition and persistence are key.

2. Self-talk- we all have this negative self-talk in our heads. Guess what?  We have enough people saying “we can’t do it, we are not good enough.” Thoughts influence actions. The more we focus on the negative, we will start believing it. We need our own self affirmations.  Get away from people who tear you down. We need our own self affirmations where we tell ourselves “I am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate.”
-Write a letter to yourself of the things you are proud of and read it to yourself daily to reaffirm yourself.

STOP THE NEGATIVE SELF TALK.

Build confidence in others by-Praising the positive behaviors we want to reinforce.

Self-confident people interpret negative feedback the way they want to.

Lastly, NO-ONE WILL BELIEVE IN YOU UNLESS YOU DO.

Click here to watch the whole speech. 

Tips to help you successfully deal with Academic Difficulty Part 2

1. Stay positive-This is so important.. Speak positively about the situation. Think positively about the situation and stay positive. You have to make a conscious effort to do this because it is not easy. Life is all about perspective, so give a positive spin to the situation.

2.  Counseling-I remember one of my classmates suggesting this to me. I went for two sessions and that was it. I have nothing against counseling; try it if it works for you use it. Personally, I didn’t stick to it because I made God my counselor. What does that mean? I would literally schedule time to spend time with God to get through this.

3. Speak life to the situation- I changed my vocabulary about the situation. Every time, I remember that I just failed. I would open my mouth and say “I am a success story.” Yes, you just failed. It doesn’t make any sense to use your words to beat yourself up. Use your words to speak life. You can say, “The lord will perfect that which concerns me” but make sure you speak life.

4. Exercise-Do whatever you do to help you with stress. If you like going out with friends to relax, do it. It has to be something you enjoy. For me, exercise helps me a lot with stress. I suggest, it should be something that will help you relieve stress.

5. Read– One of the books, I read which really helped me out was “the traveler’s Gift” by Andy Andrews. This book talks about a guy who is going through failure all around and he goes around meeting prominent people in history who give him some amazing advice about life. You don’t have to read this book but read a self-improvement book.

6. Take responsibility for what happened. Don’t say this teacher didn’t like me. You can’t move forward unto you take responsibility for what happened to you. Complete this sentence: I am here because I didn’t…  Complete this sentence honestly without beating yourself up.

7. You have to move forward. Moving forward could mean trying again and again. Whatever moving forward means to you do. For me, it meant trying again which I did but it didn’t work; however, I persevered. You might have to change your major etc but do not put your education on pause. Go forward.

8. This is not the time to talk to negative people. When you are at your lowest this is when your friends need to be your cheerleader. Cut out talking to negative people. If the negative person is your family member decrease the amount of time you talk to them. When you are very vulnerable at this time, you can’t afford to talk to people who will pull you down.

9. Look over your school journey what will you do differently next time? Implement the necessary changes you need now.

10. Never believe you are a failure.  Believe that the best is yet to come. People who are afraid to try already accepted failure. You didn’t, you gave it your all and that’s what will put you on the road to success. Successful people are not discouraged by failure, they are encouraged by it.

11. Create a journal and write down your thoughts. If you don’t like writing; at least, do videos on your laptop and store them on your computer. You don’t have to upload them on youtube (except you want do).

12. Write down new goals and go after them.

13. See yourself already where you want to be. This academic difficulty situation caused me to post pone my graduation. It was very important for me to see myself walking across that stage before it happened.

Day dream about where you want to be and see yourself there.  I had pictures of people with graduation gowns all over my dorm room. Your mind is the canvas you use to paint your future. Paint wisely! Remember as a man thinks in his heart so is he (Proverbs 23:7)

14. Watch this video:

No matter how many times you get knocked down, you have to get back up. Please, get back up and move forward!

You have No Excuse.. Go to School!!

ImageI came into this amazing land of opportunity not knowing the amount of obstacles I’d  overcome.
As an international student with no assistance except from God and my family, school was rough.
Every semester, I’d stare at the amount of money I had to pay each semester and I’d just cry.
I didn’t know where the money would come from.
I come from a well to do family but I had other siblings in school as well.
Life was rough.
Somehow, God would provide a way that I was able to pay the first installment for my payment plan for the semester.
After I overcame that hurdle then I stare at the amount I had to spend to buy books.
My parents only worried about the school fees, somehow I was always responsible for my own books.

I’d search my school library first to see if they had the books I needed before I bought them in my college’s bookstore.
I remember finding some books but they were always several editions behind the books required for my classes.
You get the point; I didn’t buy books except I really needed them.

Sometimes, I would befriend people in class just so I could share their book. .
Sometimes, I would wait till I got to the class to listen to the professor before getting the txt book. If a professor was one of those who emphasized on reading the book, then most likely I would buy the book.
I remember going through my microbiology class without a textbook. Most of my science classes, I made sure I had a book because it’s science.

What am I trying to say?

When I graduated high school, I qualified for lots of scholarships and grants but just because I was international, I couldn’t take advantage of any of those grants and scholarships.
Financially, it would have been easier on me if I was an American student.

Most of my American friends don’t know how much I struggled in college to get my degree.
It’s puzzling to see  some American students choose partying over studying.
I couldn’t understand how someone could come to college with lots of scholarship and lose it in the first semester.
I am here struggling to find money to go to school and someone else is there wasting the money given to them for free.

If I was to get student loans, the interest rate alone would have killed me.

Americans schools are built to provide for their own, as it should. It does things to me when American students don’t understand what they have.

I couldn’t file for fafsa, plus I paid out of state. You guys have no excuse.

When I hear an American student complain of not having any money for school, I give them deaf ears because they have lots of assistance left, right and center..

Meet my 4 Friends..

1. God-fearing
2. Intelligent
3. Funny
4. Adventurous

If you have any of these qualities most likely you are my friend. Yes, You!!! Yea, maybe not yet. The truth is most of my friends have one or more of these qualities. Rarely, will I have a friend who doesn’t have these qualities.

#1 Friend is God-fearing because God is very important to me. Together with this friend we can pursue God. Christians friends are a must for every believer. I can discuss with this friend about my relationship with God and my struggles. This friend will encourage me and I will also encourage him or her.

#2 Friend is very intelligent. I love intelligent people because they’re intelligent. In Nigeria, I was very young when I started JS1(Junior School similar to middle school) and the first term I didn’t do so well because I didn’t study like I should. By JS2, we were divided into class A, B and C meaning the A students were in JS1 A, and so on.

I don’t know if things changed prior or after I met one of my best friends in Immaculate Conception.  I really wanted to be friends with her because she had a lot of food in her locker. Immaculate Conception is a girl’s boarding school for junior high and senior high. In our boarding school, we have lockers where we can store our personal food items. Her parents were obviously very rich and I was determined to be her friend. Yes, we became friends. I was very hungry student, so I chose my friends wisely.

My best friend came with double blessings. When we became close, we did everything together. The part, I think made a difference is we studied together. She was in the A class. Now, you know I wasn’t in the A class. I don’t know if studying with her made a difference or not; however, my grades were different. In from JS2-JS3, I made 1st, 2nd or 3rd. I can’t remember a time between JS2-JS3 that I wasn’t at the top of my class. When I was in junior high, students were ranked based on their grades. At JS3 was when I left for the states. The better your grades, the higher your ranking in the class.

Again, I can’t remember precisely if I made the grades before meeting my best friend. I think she made a difference in my studying habits After, I met my best friend, I started hanging out with people in the A class and it made a huge difference.

Yes, this friend is important because he or she challenges me academically.

#3 Friend is funny. I love people with a great sense of humor because I love to laugh.

#4 Friend is adventurous. This friend loves to travel. They work hard and play hard.

Who is your friend? Are they influencing you positively or negatively?

(x+y=z) God’s Mathematics..

A message from a minister in my church a few Sundays ago.

Our math:
My abilities + experience + training + personality/appearance + my past + expectations of others=status quo

God’s Math:
My willingness + weakness + God’s will and supernatural power = CHANGE OF STORY

God’s mathematics is so easy.. Why do we complicate everything?