Divorce is NOT an option!!

I am at the stage in my life where I am accepting applications for 9jaboy4real, if you are interested email me at [email protected] (only serious applications will be accepted, LOL!!). In a few years, I will be married and have children (by God’s grace). Even though, I am not yet married I am always thinking about what’s best for my children. What’s best for my children guides a lot of my decisions because if I like it or not; the decisions I make now will affect my children positively or negatively. I don’t want my children to suffer for the poor decisions I make in life.

I went to college with a guy who said that his dad lived down the street from his house but he refused to walk a few blocks to come see him. I saw the pain in that boy’s eyes from that day, I decided I’d never make a careless decision that will jeopardize my children’s happiness. I grew up with both my parents so I don’t fully understand what it means to only have one parent and rejection by another parent. I have heard of enough stories of children who felt abandoned by their father and I can’t imagine the emotional pain they go through every day. In life you can’t control what happens to you most of the time but what I can control I will.

Statistics are against children from broken homes. I have seen how broken families mess up children and I don’t want to put my children through that. Divorce affects the children more than it affects the parents. For the sake of my children, divorce can’t be an option.

Don’t get me wrong in the presence of verbal or physical abuse; divorce has to be an option because I need to stay alive to take care of my children. African women will do anything for their children and I am no different.
I don’t want to bring my children into an emotional mess. Each child deals with divorce in their own way. It is not God’s will for my children to be born into a broken home. My children deserve the right to have parents walking side by side to give them a better future.

To 9jaboy4real (whoever you are): Divorce is NOT an option!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We all need Music Therapy..

Music therapy is the use of music interventions to accomplish individual goals with a credential professional(American Music Therapy Association). Professionals use music interventions because it really works. When life gets rough, I use music therapy. No, I don’t go to a professional. I gather my own motivational songs and I do my own music therapy. We can all benefit from music therapy. We have different reasons why we listen to music. Sometimes in life we need that moment where we shut everybody out and listen to good relaxing music.

How to pick the songs for your Music therapy?

What are you struggling with? It could be pain. You might must to listen to songs about healing. Songs like “I am the Lord that healeth thee” by Don Moen

Are you struggling with disappointment? Songs like “God will make a way” by Don Moen could come in handy.

If you are not a Christian; pick songs that encourage you in order to get through. It is not the time to listen to depressing music or songs that make you feel worse. You definitely need a group of positive songs where you can always listen to feel uplifted.

Here is my go to songs for music therapy: It has the mixture of relaxing and uplifting songs.

1. Jonathan McReynolds – God Is Able

2. Yiruma-River runs through you.
3. Imagine Me-Kirk Franklin
4. Get Up-Mary Mary

5. I worship you by Mary Mary
6. Lifted by Frank Edwards

7. Soweto Gospel Choir ft Joe Praize-Mighty God
8. Heal the World-Michael Jackson
9. I then shall Live by Gaither Vocal Band
10. Never Give Up-Yolanda Adams

Make a playlist for your motivational songs and play them over and over again. When you are going through things, it is important you listen to encouraging and relaxing songs. We all use music in different ways; it’s time we use music for our benefit.


Nigerian vs. American Culture

Definition of culture: the behaviors and beliefs characteristic of a particular social, ethnic, or age group:

I lived in Nigeria for 12years and in the states for 12years. Some differences I have noticed in Nigerian and American culture. I left Nigeria 12years ago, some things about Nigeria might be different but you will get the gist.

General Culture:
-Nigerian culture: grouped by language. Each language has its own culture. People who speak the same language share the same culture. For example: People who speak Yoruba language share the same culture.

-American culture: It’s really hard to sum up the American culture because it’s so diverse. The way people think in the North is not the way people think in the South. I think the social norms are similar across the states.

Social Norms

Nigerian: Can’t call your elders by their first name. Instead you say “Aunty” or “Uncle” even though they are not related to you. Professionally: Say “Madame” or “Sir”
American: Can call elders by their first name. Professionally: Say “Ma’am” or “Sir”

Nigerian Parents: Very strict and not affectionate. They are not open to meeting girlfriends or boyfriends except you are getting engaged to them.
American Parents: Lenient and more affectionate. They are open to meeting the people their kids are dating.

Nigerian: Kids can live with their parents till they get married with full support from their parents.
American: legal adult age is 18 which mean their parents can kick them out of the house at this age. That’s why a lot of Americans are independent by this age. Their culture encourages independence by 18.

Nigerian: Value Education.. Education is HUGE in our Culture!!!! Uneducated people are undermined and look down upon.
American: Education is huge in American Culture as well but it varies among ethnic groups.

Nigerian: Nursery, Primary and Secondary school students are required to wear uniforms. University students can wear what they like. Teachers and senior students can punish junior students in Primary and secondary schools.
American: Private school students have to wear uniforms. Public students can wear what they like. University students can wear what they like.

Nigerian: When I was in Nigeria, it wasn’t socially acceptable for girls to wear pants but I think time is changing (it’s becoming more socially acceptable).
American: Women can wear pants. It’s socially acceptable for women to wear pants. It is very possible for a woman to wear pants all year without wearing skirts and dresses (very possible).

Nigerian: You can bargain prices and buy things at a lower price. Supermarkets you can’t bargain.
American: No bargaining. The price you see is what you pay except they are on sale or you have a coupon. People can bargain at auctions and stuff.

Nigerian: Social economic class competitions.
American: Race Issues

Nigeria: Shake hands elders with both hands instead of one. Never greet an elder with a left hand. Showing respect to elders is very important in our culture.
American: Doesn’t really matter.

Please feel free to comment or email me [email protected]