Ladies, he is a proud father of two. He is very hardworking, good father, and avid lover of politics. He is an engineer by training. He wants a God-fearing woman in the US or Canada. You must be ready to settle down in the next 6 months to 1 year. He is ready to make a lucky lady his wife. He loves to sing. He enjoys spending time outdoors with his children. He is a hopeless romantic. He is a very honest person.
If you are interested in Mr. Canada please send an email to [email protected] with Subject Line “Interested in Mr. Canada.” Include any specific questions you have for Mr. Canada in that email.
Please share this post with all your single lady friends in the US and Canada!!
What is ACE? Good question!! ACE stands for Adverse Childhood Experience(s).
What I wish someone told my mother before she had children: “If you do not love life, do not create life.” (Youtube Comments Section)
“Bad parenting is a health crisis. If you have stable, well adjusted, loving parents. You don’t know how lucky you are…” (Youtube Comments Section)
“The worst thing about abusive parenting, is the parents many times don’t realize they’re abusive. This is why I believe every new parent should take a parenting class to understand child psychology.” (Youtube Comments Section).
I would encourage you to stop here to watch Dr. Nadine Burke Harris’ Ted Talk on youtube: How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime.
Welcome Back!!
According to Dr. Harris: ACE is:
1. Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse
2. Physical or emotional neglect
3. Parental mental illness, substance dependence, and incarceration
4. Parental Separation or divorce
5. Domestic violence
For every yes for any of the above you get a point on your ACE score.
My ACE score is a 7. I encourage to stop here to calculate your own ACE score.
My childhood background:
I am the fifth child of two US-trained professionals. My father is a retired college professor and my mother is a retired nurse. I hate that I am revealing my family like this, but I must because I want parents or future parents like yourselves to learn from my parents’ mistakes.
First, my parents both grew up in a Nigerian society that treats children as sub-humans who can be maltreated or man-handled anyhow by adults. Some of my sibling are childhood victims of extreme physical abuse. The Nigerian mentality is children must be beaten to shape or they will become insubordinate members of society, at least this is how I saw childhood in Nigeria. My father was extremely maltreated in his childhood. Unfortunately, he perpetrated the same pattern of abuse unto his children.
My paternal grandfather was a married man to three wives. My father’s mother died at a young age which left my father and his two siblings at the mercy of two stepmothers. One of my father’s stepmother attempted to poison him at a young age. A few years after my father lost his mother, he eventually lost his father. My father grew up into adulthood as an orphan. Thankfully, my father’s eldest brother stepped up, and provided for my father from a young age. My father’s childhood was turbulent. Which leads me to lesson number 1: Believe it or not, your childhood has an impact on your life. If you had a turbulent childhood, you must make a conscious decision that your children will not through the same experience, as you did. You MUST HEAL FROM YOUR Childhood. There is a saying that abuse people abuse other people. Hurt people hurt others. If you do not deal with the pain from your past or childhood, you may subject your children to the same pattern of abuse.
Interesting Plug: my father wrote a book about his life if you are interested in reading more. Hit me up! The book is not free! You must buy the book. Let me know at [email protected]
My mother’s childhood experiences are still unknown or not clear to me. My maternal grandmother was given up for marriage at an incredibly young age like 16 or 17. My grandmother became a mother at a young age. My mother does not talk about her past even to her own children. We rarely know what happened in her childhood. The lack of disclosure to her own children could be an indication that it was not all good. Or maybe it was, I do not know.
Turbulence plus turbulence = ACEs for the children (solely my opinion).
Future parents, you can change the trajectory of your children’s lives through self-awareness. You must be aware that your past informs your future. You must be proactive to change history. Because your mother or father abused you does not mean you have to follow the same trend for your own children. ACE is real.
Back to Dr. Burke Harris, there is a correlation between ACE score and health outcomes. The higher the ACE score, the worse the health outcome. “67% of the population have at least one ACE. 12.6% of the population have at least 4 or more ACEs” (Dr. Harris). The person with an ACE score of 4 or more has a relative risk of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease two and a half times that of someone with an ACE score of zero. For Depression, also 4 and half times, that of someone with an ACE score of zero. For suicidality, it was 12 times that of someone with an ACE score of zero. A person with an ACE of 7 or more has triple the lifetime risk of lung cancer and three and a half times the risk of ischemic heart disease. The number one killer in the United States (Dr. Harris).
Remember, I said my ACE score was a 7. According to Dr. Harris, I have triple the lifetime risk of lung cancer and three-and-a-half-times risk of ischemic heart disease. ACEs is not a joke, people.
How has ACEs influenced in my life? Well, you must wait for Part II to find out.
I just received your invite to your wedding scheduled for June 12, 2020.
Before I select “Yes” I want to highlight my terms and conditions:
My dress to your wedding will cost me: $220
My Hair: $200
My Makeup: $70
My Nails(pedi and mani): $75
My Shoes: $100
My Hotel(since your wedding is out of town for me): $300
Accessories: $100
Transportation:$100
My Money to Spray the bride: $300
My Time at your wedding: Priceless
My Total investment to celebrate your day is: $1,395 + priceless for my time.
Your wedding is not only a financial investment for you but also for me, as your guest.
No, you are not required to give me $1,395 to attend your wedding but you are to respectfully acknowledge my financial contribution to celebrate your union.
If you choose to divorce in the next 0 month to 5 years, I will send you an invoice to return 90% of my contribution to your day which is $1,255.50.
If you choose to divorce in the next 10-20 years, I will send you an invoice to return 80% of my contribution to your day which is $1,116.00.
If you choose to divorce in the next 20-30 years, I will send you an invoice to return 70% of my contribution to your day which is $976.50.
If you both comply with to the terms of this agreement, please can you both sign in the designated spaces below and return this letter back to me. I will rsvp “yes” as soon as you return this signed letter back to me.
May the candle of your love burn forever!!!
Sincerely,
9jagirl4real
We are adults here if you know your marriage will not last for common 5 years. Please don’t invite me to your wedding. Nobody has time and money to waste.
1. Rebel against the mindset that you need a man to take care of you.
If no one is hiring, start your own business. What can your hands do to bring you money?
Find it and do it!!
2. Rebel against the mindset that you MUST marry from your culture. I am a firm believer that love doesn’t discriminate. If he loves you and you love him, please do not give up fighting to be with the person you love.
3. Rebel against the mindset that you are supposed to manage in an abusive marriage.
4. Rebel against the mindset that you are second class citizen.
5. Rebel against the mindset that your self-worth is found in a relationship with a man. Find your self-worth outside your husband and marriage. Find your self-worth within.
From a young age, I have always known I would marry for love and nothing else.
I have grown to discover that is not enough. I also have to use my head.
The reality is the heart will always want what it wants at all cost logical or illogical.
Be WISE!
Nowadays, love is not enough.
See your potential mate through the eyes of your future children, what would they say?
The person you choose could become the mother or father of your children.
Is this person the kind of mother or father you want for your children?
A wise man once said, “the spouse you choose is a reflection of your intelligence.”
Forget about their looks, money for once. Will your love stand the test of time?
Is your relationship built on a good foundation?
Will the strength of your love survive the test in marriage?
Whether you choose to stay or leave your marriage will affect your children.
Let’s make this practical.
You convinced a woman to marry you because you have money. Why are you surprise she left now that the money is gone? Whose fault is it?
Don’t blindly marry anybody. The reality of divorce is too real.
Know what you naturally like. Don’t settle for less and think you can change anybody when you enter marriage.
Don’t ignore anything that bothers you in the pre-marital stage thinking that marriage will solve it.
Marriage magnifies your problems.
Seek counsel from people in successful marriages.
Marry someone who genuinely loves you and you also love.
Life will test your marriage.
Equip your relationships with all the necessary tools you need to succeed in your marriage, you owe your children that much.
Take your time to build a solid foundation, so your love can stand the test of time.
Our invitation read “the parents …… and ….. request your presence at the joining of their children, Dr. Femi and Dr. Bola in holy matrimony.” Our wedding was the talk of town. Our wedding announcements were all over the news, blogs, and Nigerian websites. The single ladies envied me and gossiped about me in their domestic corners. Our guests were invited from all over the world. Our traditional wedding (cultural West-African) took place in a sophisticated island for the elites in Lagos, Nigeria. All six of my wedding planners were on stand-by making sure I was pleased on my dream day. Assorted wines were imported from France; even the goats killed for the occasion got a respectful death.
My husband is a US-trained brain surgeon. He is brilliantly sought after by the best of the best. He is naturally quiet in nature, but the grandeur of this day blew him away. Our guests were all given a uniform attire to grace our day in style. It was very amusing seeing our white friends in our traditional African attire. Our photographers, bloggers, and videographers were all imported from aboard. Presidents, Princes, and Princesses from different African countries honored our invitation. The best chefs and cooks served our eloquent dishes and Nigerian delicacies.
This is the wedding of my dream and I am not happy. The man I wanted was in his house drowning in his tears. I can’t stand the mere sight of him crying. I pleaded with him to understand. He cried, “What should I understand? Bola, I have dated you for six years and you are about to marry somebody else!! Why is this happening to me? I did not touch you from the very beginning because I wanted to marry..” (sobbing). We both cried and held each other. In my tears, I saw myself holding the man of my dreams while wearing another man’s engagement ring. My life became complicated.
Suku is a self-made millionaire with no college degree. My parents told me that they don’t want to associate themselves with an illiterate. I told them, he is not an illiterate, he is a millionaire. My father told me, “I am not interested in illiterate money.” For three years I pleaded with my parents to allow me to marry the man I loved, they refused. One precious day my mother blatantly scorned me about Suku saying she didn’t marry an illiterate and that only over her dead body would she allow me marry my love.
All Suku and I know to do these days is to hold each other and cry. He finally told me that he loved me so much that he will allow me to honor my parent’s wishes. I begged him not to give up on our love, he said, he wasn’t but he couldn’t watch me wait forever for an answer that will never come. We both cried for weeks when I told him that my parents agreed to Dr. Femi’s proposal to me. Dr. Femi is a great man with wonderful attributes; I already gave my heart to someone else. That guy my parents call an “illiterate” is the man of my dreams. He doesn’t have a college degree; he worked hard for every cent of his money. He built a multi-million naira business from scratch as an orphan.
This part is for my Nigerian ladies, who like me, are manipulated by their Nigerian parents to marry people they don’t want to marry. Don’t allow your Nigerian parents make the most important life decision for you. After the guests leave, the music stops, you take off your wedding dress, and marriage begins!! Life is too short to live with regrets. Make your own decisions, and take responsibility for the negative outcomes of your decisions. Your parents will one day die and leave you with your husband and you will have to figure it out. Don’t marry for status or to please anyone. I am not saying don’t listen to your parents, I am saying make your own decision and don’t let your parents make it for you. Marriage is a lifelong commitment.
Take your time and choose accordingly!!!
My marriage with Dr. Femi didn’t last. The size of the love matters more than the size of the wedding. Money CAN’T buy happiness. Status CAN’T buy happiness.
I am back in the arms of the man of my dreams. I choose love. I choose Suku!
Respectfully yours,
Bola.
Edited by: Kelli Busbee
Please share this post to all your single Nigerian lady friends and like us on facebook!
Heard a story of a brother and sister who attended the same church, got attracted to each other, started courting and eventually got married in the same church. Few weeks after their wedding, they had a misunderstanding and in the course of argument, the husband told the wife that if you say anymore word I will slap you and that she shouldn’t think he’s that kind of spiritual brother she met in church and that he only wanted to have a good wife in church and the wife also replied that if he dare slap her she will break bottle on his head and that she’s not the kind of spiritual sister he met in church and that she also wanted to get the right man in church. So that’s how two wrong partners in form of pretence got married.
The above story is just the truth about relationship, we were taught in physics that like charges repel while opposite charges attract but one of the things I’ve learnt in relationship is that like people attract and opposite people repel. You will attract the kind of person you are. A right person will attract the right partner while a wrong person will attract the wrong partner. So instead of hoping to find the right man/lady
for you, you can take time to ‘become the right person’ because the right partners are also looking for right persons that will complement them.
So let’s look at how to become the right person.
SELF-DISCOVERY: The fundamental thing required in becoming the right person is self-discovery. The problem we have among many young people is that they don’t know who they are and that is why they tends to dress anyhow, talk anyhow and do all manner of things just because they lack that sense of identity. The question is; who are you?Discovering yourself is not what you can do on your own, you don’t know yourself and once you don’t know the purpose of a thing abuse is inevitable. So self-discovery means knowing who you are and why you are created (your purpose). Until you know yourself, you can’t be the best that God wants you to be. It is in your discovery that you will get to know why you are created. It is your discovery that gives you an identity; it distinguishes you from everyone else and helps you to live life maximally. Discover your purpose today.
Like I said earlier that discovering yourself is not what you can do on your own, you don’t know yourself and it takes someone that knows you to reveal who you are to you. The only person who knows you is God (Jeremiah 1:5) and you need to have a relationship with God before He can reveal yourself to you, you need to be born again by accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and saviour. Jesus Christ is the one who connect us to God; He is the way to the Father (John 14:6).
For you to discover yourself, you must cultivate a daily relationship with God. You can only discover your purpose out of an intimacy with God. The more of God you know or the more you know God, the more you know yourself. Before you think of choosing the right partner you must first become the right person. God wants you to know Him before you know the right partner.
Adam had a personal relationship with God before God brought him a wife, let God form you and put you in the right place. You are to carry your relationship with God into your relationship with the opposite sex. Your relationship with God should be guideline for your relationship with the opposite sex. Spend time to study the word of God and let it become a part of you; discover the truth about you from the word of God. When you inquire of God, He answers you (Jeremiah 33:3)
Marriage is a continuation of God’s plan for your life; it is not something you can just rush into because the bulk of your life will be spent in marriage. So take time to discover yourself in God, discover your purpose and ensure you cultivate a daily relationship with God.
DESIRE AND DECIDE IT: It is not enough to wish to be the right person; you must desire it and decide you will be the right person no matter what. God honours our desires especially when we tell it to him in prayers (mark 11:24), so you must desire to be the right person and also pray that God make you the right person. Also, you are where you are today because of the decisions you have taking over time. The firm decision you take will help you to pay the sacrifices needed to become the right person. Daniel decided not to defile himself (Daniel 1:8), so you too can decide today to become the right person.
ADD VALUE TO YOUR SELF: One of the things that give us an edge in life is knowledge. Knowledge is life and power. You are who you are today because of what you know and what you don’t know. You are also responsible for what you know or don’t know.
So in order for you to become the right person, you must keep adding value to yourself (2 Peter 1:5-8), study books and materials that will make you become a better person. You also need wisdom, ask God for wisdom (James 1:5). Wisdom will make all the difference in your life. So get wisdom (Proverb 4:5-7).
Discover your talent, skill-up in the area of your talent, then decide and begin to deliver solutions to human problems using your talent. Improve on yourself, dress decent and moderately; you will be addressed by the way you dress(your appearance matters a lot). Read books on leadership, relationship, business, attend seminars and apply what you’ve learnt to your life.
POSITIVE ASSOCIATION: The people you associate with matters a lot in determining who you will become. Like the popular saying that says show me your friends and I will tell you who you are, you must be mindful of the people you associate with. Associate with godly people and make friends with people you know you want to be like. If you must become the right person, you must make conscious effort to select who you associate with. He that walks with the wise shall be wise (prov 13:20).
MIND YOUR MIND
You need to mind what you allow into your mind. It also goes a long way in determining who you will turn out to be. Carefully scrutinize the materials you feed on. You are a product of what you allow into your life. So you must constantly guard your heart (prov 4:23). The songs you listen to, the movies you watch and the magazine you read all contribute to who you become in life. You need to constantly renew your mind with the word of God and disabuse your mind from various lies and deceit of the devil. Let the word of God transform you into the right person you want to become (Rom 12:2).
I start my relationship series this week. There’s so much. I have been blessed to talk to amazing guys during the course of my life. I will share my experiences with these guys. I hope someone will learn from my mistakes and you will be encouraged in your journey to find love.
My Relationship Series Starts with Mr. J.
Since when I was young, I knew him. I got serious with him seven years ago. He’s a sweet person, everything I want in a guy. He’s thoughtful, down-to-earth, awesome, all that good stuff.
I can’t imagine my life w/o him. I talk and sing to him every day, as I read his love letters. He’s the only reason why I love life, I mean he makes it more interesting. I know when am down and call him up, he’s always there to comfort.
The cool thing about him is that my parents brought us together. Sometimes am selfish and think about myself instead of him. He never reminds me of my past failures in our relationship; forgives all the time and moves on.
I can’t wait to spend seven years in our marriage feast. All my brothers’ and sisters know him. Men, am too lucky to be in a relationship with a man that owns the whole world.
I didn’t struggle to make him love me; he already did even before I got into this relationship. Although I don’t see him I can always feel his presence around me.
Shout out to Mr. J!!!!
Our invitation read “the parents …… and ….. request your presence at the joining of their children, Dr. Femi and Dr. Bola in holy matrimony.” Our wedding was the talk of town. Our wedding announcements were all over the news, blogs, and Nigerian websites. The single ladies envied me and gossiped about me in their domestic corners. Our guests were invited from all over the world. Our traditional wedding (cultural West-African) took place in a sophisticated island for the elites in Lagos, Nigeria. All six of my wedding planners were on stand-by making sure I was pleased on my dream day. Assorted wines were imported from France; even the goats killed for the occasion got a respectful death.
Heard a story of a brother and sister who attended the same church, got attracted to each other, started courting and eventually got married in the same church. Few weeks after their wedding, they had a misunderstanding and in the course of argument, the husband told the wife that if you say anymore word I will slap you and that she shouldn’t think he’s that kind of spiritual brother she met in church and that he only wanted to have a good wife in church and the wife also replied that if he dare slap her she will break bottle on his head and that she’s not the kind of spiritual sister he met in church and that she also wanted to get the right man in church. So that’s how two wrong partners in form of pretence got married.
