Tag Archives: Culture

African Parents eh..

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Recently my dad asked me if I have someone to marry?
I couldn’t believe my ears..
In my head, I couldn’t believe my dad asked me that question.
Before I left for school, I was given the advice focus on your books and no boys.
Having a boyfriend in my family as a girl is a taboo.

African Parents surprise me sometimes..
How am I supposed to have someone to marry when you clearly said I shouldn’t have any boys in my life while in school?
Was I wrong for taking your advice?
Did I commit any crime by obeying you as my parents?
I went to school focused on my books and I ignored a lot of guys out of respect for you and now, miraculously I need to be married because I am done with school.
Sometimes our African Parents are not fair..
They tell you to do something and when you do as you are told; they want to turn around to stab you in the back like you shouldn’t have taken their advice in the first place.

I am prepared to suffer any consequence of being obedient.
I refuse to become that lady who now wears miniskirts, dresses and heavy makeup in efforts to find her husband to appease her family.
Since when did my relationship with a man become more important than my relationship with God?
The whole time I was in school, you spoke to me about “God, God, God” after I graduated is about “husband, husband, husband.”

First of all it is not a girl’s place to find her husband.
If love doesn’t happen naturally then I guess, I will be single for a while.
Nobody is pressuring me to do anything.
I will not force myself on any guy to stop my family from bugging me about this husband thing.
I hate when African Parents pressure their daughters about marriage.
It is not a girl’s place to find her husband.
No African guy wants a desperate girl in the first place.

Stop pressuring your daughters because they are of age or done with school to get married.
Let love happen naturally.
If love doesn’t happen naturally for me, I will be single, content and full of life.
Guys chase girls to marry not the other way around.
Nobody should be pressuring any girl to find her husband.
Her husband should find her.
Till I meet my husband, I will be content in CHRIST.
Sorry dad, I am not going to force myself on any guy or marriage to appease you.

Our Choices.. Our kids!!

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ImageI was talking to a girl who is pregnant and working in a fast food.
I thank God America takes good care of their children.
If I was having this conversation in Nigeria, God knows I would be crying.
How can a young girl raise up a child with a fast food paycheck? It’s impossible!
Completely Impossible!
I asked her about the child’s father, if he will do anything to support her when the baby is here.
She said, she wasn’t sure that she told him to get it together before the baby comes.

Ladies,
Babies don’t mature men; responsible men are responsible before they bring a child into this world.
Don’t expect anything to change if you decide for whatever reason to have a child with a man who is immature.
Ladies the decision you make affect will affect your child for the rest of their lives.
If we knew the power we have over our children’s’ life, we would be more careful with our decisions.
Even though, I have no kids now, I still have to think how my decisions will affect my kids.

If I choose to have kids out of wedlock will affect my kids.
If I choose to have kids with someone who doesn’t love me will affect my kids.
If I choose to have kids with someone who doesn’t want kids will affect my kids.
If I choose to have kids with someone I married will affect my kids.
If I choose to have kids with someone who is immature will affect my kids.

I want my kids to have a father and mother who love them living in the same house taking care of them.
I want my kids to have their father in their lives.
I want my kids to have everything they need to make them successful.
I want my girls to grow up to be intelligent, God-fearing, virtuous, strong and great contributors to our society.
I want my boys to grow to be like their father.

It may not happen how I want it to happen but I am not going to set myself for failure by having a child with someone whom I am not married to or not responsible.
To be honest, I don’t want baby-daddy drama. I don’t want to beg any guy to take care of their responsibility.
I want the best for my kids for this reason, I have to choose wisely.

Women your choices will affect your children. Choose wisely!!!

My favorite Songs by Michael Jackson

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Unlike other artists today, some of Michael Jackson’songs  made sense like:
1. Man in the Mirror

The song is catchy but it makes plenty of sense. If you want to make the world a better place start by changing yourself. We can’t change the world until we change ourselves.

2. White or Black

In this song, Michael Jackson addressed the importance of judging people based on the content of their character and not the color of their skin. In this video, MJ included other cultures such as African, Chinese, Indian and others. MJ is one of a few artists who has included international cultures into his music video. We get lost in creativity of his songs that we undermine the real message behind it. Stop being Racist.

3. Heal the World

Can you imagine the world we would have if our focus was on making this world, a better place for future generations? It takes all of us working together as team to make sure our kids have a pollution free planet with less concern about global warming. We have a lot to do.

4. We are the world

Songs like these make me admire MJ because unlike other artists he cared about people, our world, helping others as shown in his music. These songs still touch people today cos we are not all evil there’s some good in us (I like to believe). Yes, people do some crazy things; however, there’s a part in us capable of good.

4. They don’t really care about us


Black people have been brutalized by white people in the name of ignorance. Yes, some whites in US and South Africa are still buying into that white supremacy inferiority complex mentality. I have nothing against white people, I just hate people exploiting others because they can.

To today’s artists: stop singing about drugs, sex, relationship and other nonsense you sing about. Learn  from MJ and sing about stuff that will make an impact in people’s lives.

When Music made Sense..

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This is an old Nigerian song that says “Wait for me”
I wrote out the lyrics without the pidgin English

Song:
My young girl love is in your body.
This thing they call love is a serious affair.
Think well before you agree..
Please, if you will love her, you will plan it well.
Oh yes,
If you love me,
you will wait for me.

When you have girlfriend,
take your time that you don’t spoil her,
if you make children are you ready to care?
If you love life, you will plan it well.
Yes. If you love me,
you will wait for me.

Having babies is not a joke,
you will feed them,
give them cloth and give them love too.
If you are not ready to carry the load,
why would you put the load on someone else head?

Many children is an insurance for old age,
they never say we should marry,
they never say we should have kids.
There are lots of children but with no food to eat,
my friend..
This kind of life is so wahala (issue)..
That’s true,
if you love me,
you will wait for me.

Happy parents make happy children.
Happy children make happy country,
make sure you plan well and enjoy your life.
If you love me,
you will plan with me.
If you love me,
you will wait for me.

Wait for me,
baby plan with me (repeat).
Don’t forget to plan that’s what make life sweet. (Best Song EVER!)

Forget all the garbage from MTV and BET..
Young people need song to listen to songs like this,
where they are encourage to plan their lives.

Sex is not everything.
If you are not ready for the consequences that comes along premarital sex..maybe you need to  reconsider.
We live in this hyper-sexual world where everybody is encouraged to have sex but nobody talks about planning.

Not Good Enough..

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He said..
You’re not pretty enough,
You’re not smart enough,
You’re not tall enough,
You’re not pink enough,
You’re not this or that enough..

Your reply should be “then you are not good enough for me”

Guys,
She said..
You’re not handsome enough,
You’re not smart enough,
You’re not tall enough,
You’re not muscular enough,
You’re not blue enough,
You’re not this or that enough,

Your reply should be “then you are not good enough for me”

We complicated things..
if someone says.. “you are not this or that enough”..
It means, they are not for you.

True love is unconditional.
The best expression of love was on the cross.
We were no way close good enough for Christ to sacrifice his son yet, he did.

If I have to change myself to earn your love.
It is not that complicated,
it means you are not for me. 
People choose to settle with people who tell them they are not good enough cos they think they are not good enough for anybody else.
Until you believe that you are good enough for yourself, you will continue ending up in this kind of relationship.

Loving yourself is so important.
Never enter a relationship when you have low self-esteem.
Love is God.
If he or she doesn’t know God, they don’t know love.
If you don’t know God and how to love yourself, you don’t know love.

Lust is earned with a pretty face, big behind, large bank account or any other superficial thing that fades.
Love is a gift.
Love is priceless.

First, know God loves you..
Second, love yourself.

The man or woman for you will never say “you’re not good enough,” he or she will say “you’re perfect just the way you are..flaws and all”

He Got Me..

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If you glance over my blog posts, you will notice I don’t share personal information or experiences.
I like to think, I am a private person but every now and then (like now..) I open up a bit.
Nothing cheesy.. Here we go.

I took a trip to another state with another person to relax.
We went to this Nigerian restaurant to eat.
While we were there waiting on our food.
This young man came in to order his food.
When I first saw him, he looked like he just got off from a hard day at work.
In other words, the way he was dressed was unattractive.

Before I knew it, he was glancing a lot over my direction..
In my head, I was like “Oga, leave that thing, you no be my type abeg.”
He started talking to the owner of the shop and I heard the intelligence that was coming out of his month.. Yea, my head turned.
Hands down, intelligence is so attractive.
His looks didn’t catch my attention but his brains did.

Morale of the story: Go to School, intelligence is attractive!!

Excuse my honesty,
I am personally not attracted to thugs.
I don’t understand why a woman would shun an educated, God-fearing man and pick a thug, who walks around sagging his pants..
I digress.

An educated, God-fearing man will always get my attention any time, any day!

The Real Stars in our Life

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Fans of singer Justin Bieber scream as he performs on NBC's Today Show in New YorkMost of us have stars we idolize.
Most guys are huge sports players fans..
*Lebron James, Tim Tebow..etc.
Most females are huge singers fans.
Hint*Justin Bieber, Usher..etc.

I am not saying you’re wrong for being a fan to anyone..

However, I think some people are extreme about these stars.
They are original people just like us who are extremely popular and good at their craft.
These people don’t know you.

We adore our stars so much that we watch them everyday..
Psychologically, our brain wants us to think that we know these people personally.

Reality Check: We don’t know these people personally and they don’t know us personally.
People get so obsessed with these people that they get so detached from reality.

The real stars in your life should be people who sacrificed to help make you who are today..
For me personally..
My parents are my real stars,

I went to school here in the states as an international student paying out-of-state school fees..
My mom worked as a nurse overtime for years without taking any vacation days to make sure I wasn’t kicked out of school.
She is in debt because she busted her butt to make sure my siblings and me got our education.
My dad would send money from Nigeria..
if you live in Nigeria and you will understand that the exchange rate from naira to dollars is not a joke..
My dad busted his butt to send me thousands of dollars from Nigeria most semesters for my school fees..
My parents are my real stars.

Every time, I see my parents.. I need to cry, screaming their name for their autograph
cos the sacrifices they made has changed my life forever.
I am a college graduate today cos my stars worked hard.
Currently, I am working in a fast food restaurant but I have hope for a better future.

However, the Ultimate Star in my life is God..
who blessed me with such hardworking, and sacrificial Stars in my life.

To God be the Glory!!

Hollywood and sports stars we adore.. don’t even know our names..
The real stars in our life are the ones who made sacrifices to make sure we are successful!
Don’t forget to Praise the Real Stars in your Life.

Marriage Prep for Christian Singles (ladies Version)..

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  1.  Condition your mind to see every man as a brother.
    Why? Infidelity is toxic to marriage. You need to prepare your mind early that every guy is your brother. This will help keep your relationship with males in check before and after you are married. Even if you are engaged, you have to remember that this guy is your brother in Christ first, I know this is hard to do if you’re attracted to the person but you have to train your mind until after the wedding.
  2. Be complete in Christ.
    Why? Marriage and your husband can’t complete you. In fact, no one can complete us but God. If you are not happy now, trust me from what I have heard from couples, marriage wouldn’t make you any happier. To believe that someone will complete you is an absolute myth. Only God can fulfill us.
  3. Pray for God’s choice of a mate..
    Why? God knows us more than anyone, he is the best matchmaker cos he knows the person that will fix you best. Don’t pick someone and ask God for his blessing. Ask God, this person is interested in me is this the person you want me to marry. This is why it is very important we have a relationship with God where we can hear his voice clearly.

    God's love 2

    Be complete in Christ

  4. Learn to Cook…
    In American culture, it’s not a big deal if you don’t cook but in Nigerian culture, a woman who can’t cook is a disgrace to her family.
  5. Start now to pray for your marriage
  6. Abstain from sex till marriage- if you can have sex outside of marriage, you will have sex outside of your marriage. Studies show premarital sex increases risk for divorce–Read here– (http://www.focusonthefamily.com/about_us/focus-findings/marriage/premarital-sex-and-divorce.aspx)
  7. Learn to manage your money.. Please don’t bring children into this world with no plan how you will take care of them. It is your responsibility to take care of your kids not the government.
  8. Set your mind and keep it set that when you marry that divorce is not an option. If you are engaged, tell your fiancé how does he feel about this concept? In cases of abuse where your life and your children’s life are threatened that is serious emergency situation and you need to take the necessary steps to get out of that situation.
  9. Be honest about everything with the person you are about to marry. I mean it’s better they know all about your skeletons before you marry them. Especially for women, if any of your body part is fake please your fiancé deserves the right to know before he marries you. People put people in weird situations when they are not honest before marriage. Morale of the story: it will hurt you more later if you aren’t honest.
  10. If you want kids, babysit other ppl’s kids to get a feel what it would be like to have your own kids. Do you even like kids?.. You need to know these things. If you don’t want kids pls don’t marry someone who wants kids cos you will definitely have conflict.
  11. Know your character traits and develop the character traits that will help you in marriage.  For example: if you are quick tempered, you need to work on that because if you don’t that might be a problem in your marriage.
  12. Gain from wisdom from couples that have been married more than 30 years and still married
  13. Don’t compare your life to others. You will never be content in your life. This is a very important concept: so when you do get married, you wouldn’t compare your husband and kids with another person.

    Don't compare your life with someone else

    Don’t compare your life with someone else

  14. Use your words to build the people you love even when they hurt you.
  15. Marry someone you sincerely love. Marrying someone who worships the ground you walk on will make you feel trapped in marriage if you don’t love that person equally.
  16. Love yourself. You can’t love anyone until you love yourself.
  17. Learn to forgive easily and quickly.
  18. Enjoy yourself as a single so that after you get married you don’t feel like you are missing out on life. Your priority should change after you are married.
  19. Learn to say “I am sorry”

20. Most important, ask God to prepare you to be that Proverbs 31 woman for your future husband and family!