Tag Archives: Nigerian

4 Present/Future Nigerian Parents

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Nigerians,
I laugh as I watch this video of our Nigerian Parents but deep down I am scared that some of us will use this parenting style to raise our kids.
A lot of Nigerians children including myself were raised with an authoritarian parenting style.

I learned in college that there are four types of parenting styles:

1. Authoritative: Here the parent set rules and boundaries. The parent is responsive and nurturing and the parent is less likely to control their kids by induction of shame, guilt or withdrawal of love (Source)
2. Authoritarian: Parents are very strict with their kids (Most Nigerians can relate)
3. Permissive: Parents act as a friend towards their kids.
4. Uninvolved: Parents don’t care about the child.

Source: http://blog.lib.umn.edu/meyer769/myblog/2011/11/the-four-types-of-parenting-styles.html

I grew up with parents who used authoritarian parenting style and I have seen its damaging effects. It scares me that more Nigerians couples and future parents will use this parenting style without questioning it.

I am pleading with you present/future Nigerian parents to use a different parenting style because an authoritarian parenting style doesn’t help kids develop emotionally. Based on my observation of myself and siblings, I can say this parenting style has different effects on children. For me, I noticed that I became emotionally distant from the people I love. Agreed, this parenting style produces obedient children but at the cost of their emotional development.

This parenting style produces negative results because God created parents to be nurtures not dictators. You can discipline your kids without withdrawing love from them. A lot of Nigerians think that discipline is a form of love and I completely agree, but discipline is not the only form of love.

Providing for your kids financially caters to their physical needs not their emotional needs. Nigerians parents, your kids need to know and feel loved by you. I knew my parents loved me by their actions but they didn’t do much to make me feel loved. This is why I hate this parenting style because it focuses more on discipline and neglects the emotional needs of children.

You need to balance the discipline with love. You need to make sure that your children feel loved. Cater to their emotional needs because it is important. You need to hug, kiss your child, talk and play with your children regularly this will help them with their emotional needs. Once in a while sit down and have a communication with them without scolding.

Again, your children knowing you love them is not enough; you need to physically hug, kiss, talk and play with your children to help them develop emotionally. Be affectionate towards your children. Children are a gift from God, enjoy the journey.

Rule of thumb: As the discipline goes up, the love needs to go up as well.

In summary: Discipline your kids and still be affectionate because it is important for their emotional development. 

Nigerian vs. American Culture

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Definition of culture: the behaviors and beliefs characteristic of a particular social, ethnic, or age group:
(www.Dictionary.com)

I lived in Nigeria for 12years and in the states for 12years. Some differences I have noticed in Nigerian and American culture. I left Nigeria 12years ago, some things about Nigeria might be different but you will get the gist.

General Culture:
-Nigerian culture: grouped by language. Each language has its own culture. People who speak the same language share the same culture. For example: People who speak Yoruba language share the same culture.

-American culture: It’s really hard to sum up the American culture because it’s so diverse. The way people think in the North is not the way people think in the South. I think the social norms are similar across the states.

Social Norms

Nigerian: Can’t call your elders by their first name. Instead you say “Aunty” or “Uncle” even though they are not related to you. Professionally: Say “Madame” or “Sir”
American: Can call elders by their first name. Professionally: Say “Ma’am” or “Sir”

Family:
Nigerian Parents: Very strict and not affectionate. They are not open to meeting girlfriends or boyfriends except you are getting engaged to them.
American Parents: Lenient and more affectionate. They are open to meeting the people their kids are dating.

Kids:
Nigerian: Kids can live with their parents till they get married with full support from their parents.
American: legal adult age is 18 which mean their parents can kick them out of the house at this age. That’s why a lot of Americans are independent by this age. Their culture encourages independence by 18.

Education:
Nigerian: Value Education.. Education is HUGE in our Culture!!!! Uneducated people are undermined and look down upon.
American: Education is huge in American Culture as well but it varies among ethnic groups.

School
Nigerian: Nursery, Primary and Secondary school students are required to wear uniforms. University students can wear what they like. Teachers and senior students can punish junior students in Primary and secondary schools.
American: Private school students have to wear uniforms. Public students can wear what they like. University students can wear what they like.

Clothing:
Nigerian: When I was in Nigeria, it wasn’t socially acceptable for girls to wear pants but I think time is changing (it’s becoming more socially acceptable).
American: Women can wear pants. It’s socially acceptable for women to wear pants. It is very possible for a woman to wear pants all year without wearing skirts and dresses (very possible).

Shopping:
Nigerian: You can bargain prices and buy things at a lower price. Supermarkets you can’t bargain.
American: No bargaining. The price you see is what you pay except they are on sale or you have a coupon. People can bargain at auctions and stuff.

Misc-
Nigerian: Social economic class competitions.
American: Race Issues

Greetings:
Nigeria: Shake hands elders with both hands instead of one. Never greet an elder with a left hand. Showing respect to elders is very important in our culture.
American: Doesn’t really matter.

Please feel free to comment or email me [email protected]

4 Independent NIGERIAN WOMEN

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This one is for my Nigerian sisters.
Don’t allow anyone force you into marriage especially when you know this person doesn’t love you and you don’t love the person.
Our culture defines women by their marital status.
That’s why a lot of women in our society are miserable in their marriages.
I rather be single and happy than married and miserable.

Culture is important but our happiness is also important.

As we all know marriage is a long term commitment.
Since marriage is a long term journey, you have to take your time with your decision.
Forget about your age and the pressure from your family.
Don’t let people plan your life and future for you.
Fight for the life you want by learning to make your own decisions.

*Please don’t make a lifelong decision hastily*

1. Don’t succumb to pressure
2. Take your time and make your own decision
3. Be honest with yourself. Does this man really love you like he claims? Does he show you he loves you? Do you love him? If he was disabled would you still love him?
4. Pray about your decision.
5. Educate yourself about love. Read books. Talk to people you know will always tell you the truth..
6. See both sides.
7. Make your decision.

We are not properties. We can make our OWN decisions without assistance!

“To All The Ladies Searching For That Tall guy, with a Bangin’ body, Fine face, Pink lips; Remember, All that glitters is not smart!”

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“To All The Ladies Searching For That Tall guy, with a Bangin’ body, Fine face, Pink lips; Remember, All that glitters is not smart!”.

via “To All The Ladies Searching For That Tall guy, with a Bangin’ body, Fine face, Pink lips; Remember, All that glitters is not smart!”.

How many boyfriends can a Nigerian girl have?

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In this video, you see Nigerian girls describe how they have multiple boyfriends.
In summary these girls have two boyfriends, one to help them financially and the other one they love.

First of all, any girl can be a player.
Our economy is so bad that people have to do some crazy things to survive.
It is a poverty mentality, girls shouldn’t have multiple boyfriends.
There’s no way I can justify these girls’ actions; however, I will say if our economy was better and jobs were available for undergraduate students to support themselves. I doubt these girls would have chosen this way.
Life is Nigeria is amazing if you have rich parents or rough if your parents are poor.

It is safe to say Nigerian girls in Nigeria do what they have to do to survive.
Yes, this video insults me but who am I to judge?
Most guys watch this video and they automatically assume that all Nigerian girls are players.
That’s far from the truth.
Personally, I don’t think it is right to have more than one boyfriend.

Sister Girl, nobody will stop you from having your boyfriend(s)..
When you get pregnant or get an STD from this boyfriend(s).. na your wahala..
Abeg.. Be smart.. Close your legs. I hope you understand.