Jason Njoku is the CEO of Irokotv and founder of Nollywoodlove on YouTube.
Here are my notes from his Tedx Speech..
“People fear failure but what they really fear is the shame associated with failure.
Embracing failure allows you to be completely free from the fear of taking risk.
There’s a point that if you keep on failing nothing matters anymore.
Emotional Capital is similar to money. You make a deposit every time you fail and get back up again. With emotional capital you are unshackled by what people expect from you.
The more we have an open discussion about failure, the more we accept failure as culture and the more people can spend time trying and taking risk.
What’s the worst that can happen? You fail but there’s tomorrow.
Everyone has a challenge to overcome. Failure is ok.”
Most ladies who watch this proposal wish they were that girl.
You know what? We are that girl.
Ladies, we deserve guys who really love us.
No one can understand love.
Love is not a feeling.
When I see people in their old age holding hands..That’s love!
We deserve the best.
God wants to give us the best but first, we have to know our worth to get the best.
True love starts with God because God is love.
Society tells us to buy love with our looks but LOVE IS PRICELESS.
LOVE is a GIFT.
A Gift that only comes from God.
Ladies, our worth is in Christ not in a man, looks, degrees or anything else.
Please don’t settle for anything less than the best because you deserve to be that Girl!
Nigerians,
I laugh as I watch this video of our Nigerian Parents but deep down I am scared that some of us will use this parenting style to raise our kids.
A lot of Nigerians children including myself were raised with an authoritarian parenting style.
I learned in college that there are four types of parenting styles:
1. Authoritative: Here the parent set rules and boundaries. The parent is responsive and nurturing and the parent is less likely to control their kids by induction of shame, guilt or withdrawal of love (Source)
2. Authoritarian: Parents are very strict with their kids (Most Nigerians can relate)
3. Permissive: Parents act as a friend towards their kids.
4. Uninvolved: Parents don’t care about the child.
I grew up with parents who used authoritarian parenting style and I have seen its damaging effects. It scares me that more Nigerians couples and future parents will use this parenting style without questioning it.
I am pleading with you present/future Nigerian parents to use a different parenting style because an authoritarian parenting style doesn’t help kids develop emotionally. Based on my observation of myself and siblings, I can say this parenting style has different effects on children. For me, I noticed that I became emotionally distant from the people I love. Agreed, this parenting style produces obedient children but at the cost of their emotional development.
This parenting style produces negative results because God created parents to be nurtures not dictators. You can discipline your kids without withdrawing love from them. A lot of Nigerians think that discipline is a form of love and I completely agree, but discipline is not the only form of love.
Providing for your kids financially caters to their physical needs not their emotional needs. Nigerians parents, your kids need to know and feel loved by you. I knew my parents loved me by their actions but they didn’t do much to make me feel loved. This is why I hate this parenting style because it focuses more on discipline and neglects the emotional needs of children.
You need to balance the discipline with love. You need to make sure that your children feel loved. Cater to their emotional needs because it is important. You need to hug, kiss your child, talk and play with your children regularly this will help them with their emotional needs. Once in a while sit down and have a communication with them without scolding.
Again, your children knowing you love them is not enough; you need to physically hug, kiss, talk and play with your children to help them develop emotionally. Be affectionate towards your children. Children are a gift from God, enjoy the journey.
Rule of thumb: As the discipline goes up, the love needs to go up as well.
In summary: Discipline your kids and still be affectionate because it is important for their emotional development.
We are 53..
We are not kids anymore.
It’s time to empower Nigeria by empowering Nigerians.
Our government has failed us.
We have to take charge of our lives and destiny.
A better Nigeria starts with you and me..
We can’t give up.
Our government use their power to exploit the poor, our youth and future.
They don’t know they hurt themselves by hurting us.
It’s time we stop making excuses for our sorry lives.
Our government promises are empty with no intention of executing anything.
I plead with you Nigerians aboard..
Remember 9ja..
It’s time to give back.
We can all do something to give back.
This one is for my Nigerian sisters.
Don’t allow anyone force you into marriage especially when you know this person doesn’t love you and you don’t love the person.
Our culture defines women by their marital status.
That’s why a lot of women in our society are miserable in their marriages.
I rather be single and happy than married and miserable.
Culture is important but our happiness is also important.
As we all know marriage is a long term commitment.
Since marriage is a long term journey, you have to take your time with your decision.
Forget about your age and the pressure from your family.
Don’t let people plan your life and future for you.
Fight for the life you want by learning to make your own decisions.
*Please don’t make a lifelong decision hastily*
1. Don’t succumb to pressure
2. Take your time and make your own decision
3. Be honest with yourself. Does this man really love you like he claims? Does he show you he loves you? Do you love him? If he was disabled would you still love him?
4. Pray about your decision.
5. Educate yourself about love. Read books. Talk to people you know will always tell you the truth..
6. See both sides.
7. Make your decision.
We are not properties. We can make our OWN decisions without assistance!
A lot of women and men have this long list of what they want in their future spouse, but they don’t have the same qualities as the person they want.
If you are looking for these qualities:
1.Love God
2. Muscular
3. Educated
4. Confident
5. Goal-oriented
6. Family-oriented
7. Love kids
8. Dress well
9. Loyal
10. Strong
11. Great relationship with his family
Just to name a few..
Make sure you also:
1. Love God
2. Fit
3. Educated
4. Confident
5. Goal-oriented
6. Family-oriented
7. Love kids
8. Dress well
9.Loyal
10. Strong
11. Great relationship with your family.
The person you want also wants someone with the same qualities. If you want a guy who loves the lord, trust me most likely he wants a woman who loves the lord too. Be the person you want.
1. Stay positive-This is so important.. Speak positively about the situation. Think positively about the situation and stay positive. You have to make a conscious effort to do this because it is not easy. Life is all about perspective, so give a positive spin to the situation.
2. Counseling-I remember one of my classmates suggesting this to me. I went for two sessions and that was it. I have nothing against counseling; try it if it works for you use it. Personally, I didn’t stick to it because I made God my counselor. What does that mean? I would literally schedule time to spend time with God to get through this.
3. Speak life to the situation- I changed my vocabulary about the situation. Every time, I remember that I just failed. I would open my mouth and say “I am a success story.” Yes, you just failed. It doesn’t make any sense to use your words to beat yourself up. Use your words to speak life. You can say, “The lord will perfect that which concerns me” but make sure you speak life.
4. Exercise-Do whatever you do to help you with stress. If you like going out with friends to relax, do it. It has to be something you enjoy. For me, exercise helps me a lot with stress. I suggest, it should be something that will help you relieve stress.
5. Read– One of the books, I read which really helped me out was “the traveler’s Gift” by Andy Andrews. This book talks about a guy who is going through failure all around and he goes around meeting prominent people in history who give him some amazing advice about life. You don’t have to read this book but read a self-improvement book.
6. Take responsibility for what happened. Don’t say this teacher didn’t like me. You can’t move forward unto you take responsibility for what happened to you. Complete this sentence: I am here because I didn’t… Complete this sentence honestly without beating yourself up.
7. You have to move forward. Moving forward could mean trying again and again. Whatever moving forward means to you do. For me, it meant trying again which I did but it didn’t work; however, I persevered. You might have to change your major etc but do not put your education on pause. Go forward.
8. This is not the time to talk to negative people. When you are at your lowest this is when your friends need to be your cheerleader. Cut out talking to negative people. If the negative person is your family member decrease the amount of time you talk to them. When you are very vulnerable at this time, you can’t afford to talk to people who will pull you down.
9. Look over your school journey what will you do differently next time? Implement the necessary changes you need now.
10. Never believe you are a failure. Believe that the best is yet to come. People who are afraid to try already accepted failure. You didn’t, you gave it your all and that’s what will put you on the road to success. Successful people are not discouraged by failure, they are encouraged by it.
11. Create a journal and write down your thoughts. If you don’t like writing; at least, do videos on your laptop and store them on your computer. You don’t have to upload them on youtube (except you want do).
12. Write down new goals and go after them.
13. See yourself already where you want to be. This academic difficulty situation caused me to post pone my graduation. It was very important for me to see myself walking across that stage before it happened.
Day dream about where you want to be and see yourself there. I had pictures of people with graduation gowns all over my dorm room. Your mind is the canvas you use to paint your future. Paint wisely! Remember as a man thinks in his heart so is he (Proverbs 23:7)
14. Watch this video:
No matter how many times you get knocked down, you have to get back up. Please, get back up and move forward!
I am still on a break from blogging lol.. Seriously, I am.. hahah..
Single Ladies,
I have been watching this “Where is he Already?” series on Youtube. Have you seen it?
You should definitely check it out. Here is the first episode.
God will never give you:
1. A married man-if you are dating one, please…move on, he is off the market. (Mark 10:9-what God has joined together, let no man put asunder).. I feel the need to say this again. GOD will NEVER GIVE YOU a MARRIED MAN. Again? GOD WILL NEVER GIVE YOU A MARRIED MAN.
2. A non-believer-2 Cor 6:14-Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship does righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion does light have with darkness?
3. A man who verbally or physically abuses you
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.-1 Cor 13:4-7
4. An irresponsible man-
if he can’t take care of himself..he can’t take care of you.
Is he living with his mom?
Is he in debt?
Does he pay his own bills?
Does he know how to manage money?
What are his plans for the future?
Is he taking care of his kids if he has any?
How many baby mamas does he have?
You will know a responsible man when you see one.. I trust you.
“For this reason a man will leave his mother and father and cling to his wife”-Matthew 19:5
James 1:17-Every good and perfect gift comes from the lord and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.
Unlike other artists today, some of Michael Jackson’songs made sense like:
1. Man in the Mirror
The song is catchy but it makes plenty of sense. If you want to make the world a better place start by changing yourself. We can’t change the world until we change ourselves.
2. White or Black
In this song, Michael Jackson addressed the importance of judging people based on the content of their character and not the color of their skin. In this video, MJ included other cultures such as African, Chinese, Indian and others. MJ is one of a few artists who has included international cultures into his music video. We get lost in creativity of his songs that we undermine the real message behind it. Stop being Racist.
3. Heal the World
Can you imagine the world we would have if our focus was on making this world, a better place for future generations? It takes all of us working together as team to make sure our kids have a pollution free planet with less concern about global warming. We have a lot to do.
4. We are the world
Songs like these make me admire MJ because unlike other artists he cared about people, our world, helping others as shown in his music. These songs still touch people today cos we are not all evil there’s some good in us (I like to believe). Yes, people do some crazy things; however, there’s a part in us capable of good.
4. They don’t really care about us
Black people have been brutalized by white people in the name of ignorance. Yes, some whites in US and South Africa are still buying into that white supremacy inferiority complex mentality. I have nothing against white people, I just hate people exploiting others because they can.
To today’s artists: stop singing about drugs, sex, relationship and other nonsense you sing about. Learn from MJ and sing about stuff that will make an impact in people’s lives.
