Category Archives: People

The White Girl in Me.

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Picture credits: http://thedreamwithinpictures.com

Picture credits: http://thedreamwithinpictures.com

I went to an all girls’ boarding school prior to my big move to the United States. Growing my hair in this school was forbidden, so I had to cut off my hair. Yes, you guess right. I came to America with little hair.

When I started middle school in America, she was born. Who? The white girl in me. We will call her, Ashley.

My first day at middle school, I was called “weird” because I didn’t look anything like Ashley. Ashley is the standard of beauty. She has straight hair. She is skinny and so white.

I was nothing like Ashley. The black girls at my middle school looked at me funny and laughed when I walked by because I was not Ashley. They were not Ashley either, but they were closer to Ashley than me. They had their hair relaxed. They were Ashley on the inside but black girls on the outside.

I saw Ashley everywhere, she literally followed me everywhere. I saw her on billboards. I saw her in the clothing store where I buy clothes. She was everywhere. She looked nothing like me. Even the clothes I buy were sewn with Ashley in mind. Most of the stores sell clothes to fit Ashley. I had to go to several stores to find clothes to fit my body type.

Even when I am watching tv. Ashley is in all the commercials. Ashley is winning. The white boys want her. The black boys want her. Everybody wants Ashley.

In American society, beauty is a monolith. The closer you are to Ashley the prettier you are. The farther away you are from Ashley, then you are less attractive. To appease this naive society, I had to look like Ashley.

One day, I came back to school and everything changed.

My hair changed and I was at least 10% closer to Ashley and for the first time, the black girls at my school wanted to talk to me. They wanted to be my friend. Don’t get me wrong? It’s not Ashley’s fault, she is beautiful. There’s nothing wrong with Ashley’s beauty.

Before the natural hair movement, no one would look at me if I had kinky hair but as soon I relax my hair, heads turn. We are told the lighter shade of us looks better (closer to Ashley). A straighter hair looks better (closer to Ashley).

The truth is white America doesn’t want to recognize the diversity in beauty. It’s one thing for white America to tell us we are not beautiful, it is more self-debilitating for us to believe this lie. If white America doesn’t promote us, we must promote ourselves. We must learn to compliment each other. Tell a natural sister, she looks beautiful every day.

Some black women are walking around with white images of themselves. When some of them look in the mirror, they compare themselves to Ashley. White America wants us to walk in the shadow of Ashley.

Some black men have bought into the lie which states black women are not beautiful. They have drunk the “kool-aid” as one of my professors call it.

Our black is beautiful. You don’t have to be white to be beautiful. Stop bleaching. Stop searching for validation from people who have been conditioned by white America to only see white beauty.

“There’s no standard in beauty, there’s diversity in beauty”-Amber Starks

 

“Prettiness is not the rent you pay for occupying a space marked “female.” – Erin Mckean

Forever the Best Father’s Day Gift

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Father's Day 2017Father’s day is coming up!! My amazing  father will be here for father’s day.
The best gift a woman can give her children is to pick a good man for her future children. I think it is not wise to be having unprotected sex with any man you wouldn’t be proud to give your children as a father.

Please avoid these types of guys when you want children:

1. A guy who is currently not taking care of his children from previous relationships
2. A guy who has no financial capital to provide for your child
3. A guy has a crazy baby’s mama he cannot control.
4. A male who is obviously sleeping around with every female he comes in contact with.
5. A guy who doesn’t want kids.
6. A guy who is not prepared to have a baby.
7. A guy who has a reckless lifestyle with no clear plans of where he is going with his life.
8. A guy who is not responsible for himself. He has no control over his finances. His mother or father pays for this upkeep.
9. He doesn’t have any long-term goals that include you. If you want to get married before kids. He has no goals of marrying you.
10. The guy who you know obviously doesn’t like you. If you like him and think you can convert him to like you after a child, think again!! If you like him and he doesn’t like you, you are only hurting yourself having a baby with him.

Think about the type of father you want to give your children. Give your children a man they can be proud of. Give them a father who will do them right all the days of their life. Give them a man who will fight for them.

The best gift you can give your future children is to pick a good man to be their father!!

To all great fathers out there.. God bless You for all you do!

With love,

9jagirl4real

Photo Credit: Google

This Movie Changed my Life..

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Favorite color.

PLAY

The room was dead silent as we were exchanging our vows and then she looked straight into my soul and said, “I will say ‘I do’ on one condition—you answer this question correctly.” My head started spinning. What was she doing? My whole family flew from Nigeria to come to this wedding. Even my professors, co-workers, classmates, and childhood friends were all here. My uncle, who hates to travel, was also present with his wife. In a blink of an eye, I saw myself acting in a Nigerian movie, but it felt real. Why am I an actor in this scary movie? This Nigerian movie was really happening in my life.

She asked, “what is my favorite color?” The million dollar question… I asked her whispering, “Baby, why are you asking me now? This is our wedding day..”  Of course, I didn’t know the answer so I started panicking on the inside. I looked at the bridesmaid’s dresses for a clue. The bridesmaids wore blue, so I answered, “Baby, it’s blue. Can we go on?” She stood for about a minute looking at me with tears rolling down her face and she turned to the maid of honor and gave her the flowers. She picked up her dress and ran. As she was running, I heard a lady say, “Gurl, he African… You better run, girl!!”

If this was a real Nigerian movie, the producers would add a dramatic Nigerian music here to compliment the shocking turn of events. I had no idea my fiancé was a track star. She ran so fast out of that church. My eyes in tears, I became Usain Bolt and ran after her. The church was in an uproar. Guests looked at each other confused.

I finally met up with my bride. I asked her what was going on. She said, “Baby.. you don’t know my favorite color.” I told her, “Baby, why did you wait till our wedding day to ask me?” She said, “Because I knew you would walk away if I said ‘no’ to your proposal.” Baby, I know you are under a lot of pressure to get married. Two months is not enough time to fully know a person. I really like you but I need time to get to know you fully and you know me as well.” My heart was burning in anger, disappointment, and anxiety. How did she expect me to march into a room filled with well-wishers only to tell them that there will be no wedding today? I spent a lot of money to help make this day happen. I look my baby in the eyes and it all made sense.

PAUSE

REWIND

Suli and I met in school. It was love at first sight, I liked her from the minute she said hello. It took her a while to catch the cupid arrow from me, though. I didn’t mind, I waited patiently as a “friend.” When we started dating, we were inseparable, we were like those romantic couples in American movies. We did everything together. Suli didn’t mind the idea of marriage. I spoke to her about marriage from day one that I neglected what she really wanted. I was so overwhelmed with my desires that I ignored her desires.

PLAY

We hugged each other and I told the MC to tell the audience that there will be no wedding today and they are free to eat and dance all night as their heart desires. Suli and I left hand-in-hand out of the wedding venue still in our wedding attires, we received several congratulations from strangers on our way to the car. We drove away still hand-in-hand.

FAST FORWARD

Two years later on a private stage with a few friends, a minister with some family members and she asked me, “What is my favorite color?” I answered, “You don’t have a favorite color, you silly girl.” She said, “I do,” and kissed me.

THE END

TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!

Morale of the Story: Nigerian guys stop proposing after the first date. What does she want? The world doesn’t evolve around you. Invest the time to know the person you are marrying.

Edited by: Kelli Busbee

 

My Royal Nigerian Wedding..

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RM 4Our invitation read “the parents …… and ….. request your presence at the joining of their children, Dr. Femi and Dr. Bola in holy matrimony.” Our wedding was the talk of town. Our wedding announcements were all over the news, blogs, and Nigerian websites. The single ladies envied me and gossiped about me in their domestic corners. Our guests were invited from all over the world. Our traditional wedding (cultural West-African) took place in a sophisticated island for the elites in Lagos, Nigeria. All six of my wedding planners were on stand-by making sure I was pleased on my dream day. Assorted wines were imported from France; even the goats killed for the occasion got a respectful death.

My husband is a US-trained brain surgeon. He is brilliantly sought after by the best of the best. He is naturally quiet in nature, but the grandeur of this day blew him away. Our guests were all given a uniform attire to grace our day in style. It was very amusing seeing our white friends in our traditional African attire. Our photographers, bloggers, and videographers were all imported from aboard. Presidents, Princes, and Princesses from different African countries honored our invitation. The best chefs and cooks served our eloquent dishes and Nigerian delicacies.

This is the wedding of my dream and I am not happy. The man I wanted was in his house drowning in his tears. I can’t stand the mere sight of him crying. I pleaded with him to understand. He cried, “What should I understand? Bola, I have dated you for six years and you are about to marry somebody else!! Why is this happening to me? I did not touch you from the very beginning because I wanted to marry..” (sobbing). We both cried and held each other. In my tears, I saw myself holding the man of my dreams while wearing another man’s engagement ring. My life became complicated.

Suku is a self-made millionaire with no college degree. My parents told me that they don’t want to associate themselves with an illiterate. I told them, he is not an illiterate, he is a millionaire. My father told me, “I am not interested in illiterate money.” For three years I pleaded with my parents to allow me to marry the man I loved, they refused. One precious day my mother blatantly scorned me about Suku saying she didn’t marry an illiterate and that only over her dead body would she allow me marry my love.

All Suku and I know to do these days is to hold each other and cry. He finally told me that he loved me so much that he will allow me to honor my parent’s wishes. I begged him not to give up on our love, he said, he wasn’t but he couldn’t watch me wait forever for an answer that will never come. We both cried for weeks when I told him that my parents agreed to Dr. Femi’s proposal to me. Dr. Femi is a great man with wonderful attributes; I already gave my heart to someone else. That guy my parents call an “illiterate” is the man of my dreams. He doesn’t have a college degree; he worked hard for every cent of his money. He built a multi-million naira business from scratch as an orphan.

This part is for my Nigerian ladies, who like me, are manipulated by their Nigerian parents to marry people they don’t want to marry. Don’t allow your Nigerian parents make the most important life decision for you. After the guests leave, the music stops, you take off your wedding dress, and marriage begins!! Life is too short to live with regrets. Make your own decisions, and take responsibility for the negative outcomes of your decisions. Your parents will one day die and leave you with your husband and you will have to figure it out. Don’t marry for status or to please anyone. I am not saying don’t listen to your parents, I am saying make your own decision and don’t let your parents make it for you. Marriage is a lifelong commitment.

Take your time and choose accordingly!!!

My marriage with Dr. Femi didn’t last.  The size of the love matters more than the size of the wedding. Money CAN’T buy happiness. Status CAN’T buy happiness.

I am back in the arms of the man of my dreams. I choose love. I choose Suku!

Respectfully yours,

Bola.

Edited by: Kelli Busbee

Please share this post to all your single Nigerian lady friends and like us on facebook!

Your Proverbs 31 someone..

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2348177588607 (1)

Photo Credits: Google

Ladies, the same for you.

Happy Independence Nigeria

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It is easy to get lost in a society that has a system that works. I don’t have to deal with NEPA; I drive on roads that have traffic lights that work. America has a system that works for its society and citizens. With the comforts this country provides, I still want to return to Nigeria and its broken system.  Nigeria, you have my heart and first allegiance.

Nigeria is yet to find a system that works for its country. Like other countries, we must go through our fight to find our system. Greed has taken over politicians, our children are becoming orphans, wives and husbands are turning into widows. The pains of Boko Haram have turned our country upside down. All we want is a savior to deliver us from our ailments, but none can be found.  Regardless of all the problems that plague us as a country, I am hopeful that things will get better.

BETTER NIGERIANS MAKE A BETTER NIGERIA!!  It’s time to heal Nigeria.

Happy Independence Day!!!

We Will NEVER Forget..

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9/11/2001
This day had me speechless.
To all the victims, heroes, firefighters and people who lost their lives in the world trade center.
We will NEVER FORGET YOU.

God Bless America GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!!!!

Military question: Are you a Virgin?

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Military womanApparently in Indonesia, women have to pass a virginity test to join the military. According to this article, it is done because they want women who are physically and mentally stable. Some articles say these women have to be virgins for national security reasons. So countries who have non-virgins women in their military are posing a threat to their national security? Wow..

What about your men? Are your men virgins? Your women can be virgins all day, but what about your men? What are the men doing? Don’t they need the same mental stability? In fact, virgin military women are a threat to your national security. Let’s be real, most men desire virgins thus, a military full of virgins is a national security problem. Do you really think your military men can concentrate with a military full of virgin women? Come on now..

It takes a man to deflower a virgin.. Drops mic..

Click to read the full article.

How to know if your Nigerian Man is Married to someone in Nigeria by Olaniyi Abodedele

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Re-blogged from the Nigerian Voice Magazine

Today I want to stand up and speak on behalf of many innocent ladies across the globe who have been deceived by a few Nigerian men for one reason or the other while they are married to a Nigerian lady; in return I want to hear your views and experience as well.

Nigeria is a country made up of the lawful and the unlawful, pretty much like other countries we all know. One difference is, Nigerians see the developed world as countries which present them with great opportunities they can take advantage of. The honest truth is that, they are a hard working bunch, no matter which field they find themselves.

For too long, Nigeria and Nigerians have been readily associated with the online scams, financial crime, identity theft, deceit and impersonation – termed ‘419’. However, beyond the unfortunate stereotyping, there are several positive characteristics and cogent intriguing traits of the country, and its people.

Mostly when you hear about Nigerian men, it’s either about one controversy or the other, the sad reality is that bad news spread like wild fire over good news.  A country so blessed, yet, refuses to grow due to corruption and ignorance of its leaders, a country so blessed; yet, honesty is a scares commodity amongst majority of its citizen.  A country so blessed; yet, the mindset of the average person are questionable. Despite all these Nigerian men are still one of the most loving men, if you are lucky to meet the good ones.

The topic about Nigerian men is never ending from Africa to Europe to Asia to the middle East, down to America and Australia; they are cherished by lucky women who..Click here to read the full article and for more interesting articles on Nigerian men

Good looking People are OVERRATED!!!

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Good looks are OVerratedDefinition of good looking (for women: big breasts, big butts and a pretty face. For men: tall, muscular, six packs and a handsome face) for the purpose of this post. From my observation, people with these features in the American society are venerated.

Good-looking people have it pretty easy in a society that value first impressions. People automatically attribute positive emotions to people with pretty faces and features. It is very easy for a good-looking person to depend on their looks for better opportunities and privileges in this society. Most of the time, people who are genetically blessed with a pretty face live a less ignominious life.

As a good girl you will enjoy these perks:
1. Having more ‘friends’ since most people want to associate themselves with someone good-looking.
2. Having rich friends-even if your parents are poor, don’t worry your pretty face gets a pass into the rich club.
3.Being showed love and ask out on a date by guys oftener .
4. Having boys fight over you.
5. Always been part of the popular group because you have “the hottie” pass.
6. You get an extra tip as a waitress, customer service rep or a sales person.
7. And many more.

As a boy you will enjoy these perks:
1. Getting her to stare
2. Being the popular (football) player everyone wants to hang around.
3. Getting the girl you want (95% of the time)
4. Having a lot of friends.
5. Getting the job you want
To name a few..

Having a pretty face with attractive features helps in this society, we can all agree. We capitalize on looks too much in this society to the point that children begin having low self- esteem issues in elementary schools and below average looking people commit suicide because they feel they are ugly.

Let’s be real, good-looking people with pretty faces and attractive features are genetically blessed. They are blessed with attractive features genetically passed down, none of which they earned. They did nothing to earn their fine looks. Thus, it is an oblivious action to bless people with favors they don’t deserve. Gifts in the name of being “good-looking” are absolutely unnecessary. None of these “good-looking” people worked for their pretty face and attractive features yet; they get a pass in this society. The one that annoys me the most is when we give passes to “good-looking” people with bad behaviors. Somehow their good-looks is an excuse for their bad behavior or character. By the way, not all “good-looking” people have bad behaviors.

NEWS FLASH: PHYSICAL BEAUTY FADES, CHARACTER IS FOREVER.

People who are not attractive to you shouldn’t be treated poorly because they are attractive to someone else. There’s no uniform scale of attractiveness; yes the people with pretty faces and attractive features will get the most attention, it doesn’t mean that those without these features are unattractive. We are all attractive!!! Stop putting down people who are not attractive to you.

Indeed, we are sexual beings; we naturally favor people who are attractive to us.There’s nothing wrong in admiring God’s creation; however, we are wrong for placing more emphasis on people’s  attractiveness than their character. It’s doesn’t matter how fine you are on the outside, if your character stinks; you are ugly in my eyes.

In my opinion..
Good Looks+ bad Character=Ugly
Good Looks + good Character=GORGEOUS
Bad looks+ good character=Gorgeous
Bad Looks + bad character=UGLY

Looks will fade, Character is FOREVER.

Photo Credit: Google Images