Category Archives: Black American Culture

The White Girl in Me.

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Picture credits: http://thedreamwithinpictures.com

Picture credits: http://thedreamwithinpictures.com

I went to an all girls’ boarding school prior to my big move to the United States. Growing my hair in this school was forbidden, so I had to cut off my hair. Yes, you guess right. I came to America with little hair.

When I started middle school in America, she was born. Who? The white girl in me. We will call her, Ashley.

My first day at middle school, I was called “weird” because I didn’t look anything like Ashley. Ashley is the standard of beauty. She has straight hair. She is skinny and so white.

I was nothing like Ashley. The black girls at my middle school looked at me funny and laughed when I walked by because I was not Ashley. They were not Ashley either, but they were closer to Ashley than me. They had their hair relaxed. They were Ashley on the inside but black girls on the outside.

I saw Ashley everywhere, she literally followed me everywhere. I saw her on billboards. I saw her in the clothing store where I buy clothes. She was everywhere. She looked nothing like me. Even the clothes I buy were sewn with Ashley in mind. Most of the stores sell clothes to fit Ashley. I had to go to several stores to find clothes to fit my body type.

Even when I am watching tv. Ashley is in all the commercials. Ashley is winning. The white boys want her. The black boys want her. Everybody wants Ashley.

In American society, beauty is a monolith. The closer you are to Ashley the prettier you are. The farther away you are from Ashley, then you are less attractive. To appease this naive society, I had to look like Ashley.

One day, I came back to school and everything changed.

My hair changed and I was at least 10% closer to Ashley and for the first time, the black girls at my school wanted to talk to me. They wanted to be my friend. Don’t get me wrong? It’s not Ashley’s fault, she is beautiful. There’s nothing wrong with Ashley’s beauty.

Before the natural hair movement, no one would look at me if I had kinky hair but as soon I relax my hair, heads turn. We are told the lighter shade of us looks better (closer to Ashley). A straighter hair looks better (closer to Ashley).

The truth is white America doesn’t want to recognize the diversity in beauty. It’s one thing for white America to tell us we are not beautiful, it is more self-debilitating for us to believe this lie. If white America doesn’t promote us, we must promote ourselves. We must learn to compliment each other. Tell a natural sister, she looks beautiful every day.

Some black women are walking around with white images of themselves. When some of them look in the mirror, they compare themselves to Ashley. White America wants us to walk in the shadow of Ashley.

Some black men have bought into the lie which states black women are not beautiful. They have drunk the “kool-aid” as one of my professors call it.

Our black is beautiful. You don’t have to be white to be beautiful. Stop bleaching. Stop searching for validation from people who have been conditioned by white America to only see white beauty.

“There’s no standard in beauty, there’s diversity in beauty”-Amber Starks

 

“Prettiness is not the rent you pay for occupying a space marked “female.” – Erin Mckean

Forever the Best Father’s Day Gift

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Father's Day 2017Father’s day is coming up!! My amazing  father will be here for father’s day.
The best gift a woman can give her children is to pick a good man for her future children. I think it is not wise to be having unprotected sex with any man you wouldn’t be proud to give your children as a father.

Please avoid these types of guys when you want children:

1. A guy who is currently not taking care of his children from previous relationships
2. A guy who has no financial capital to provide for your child
3. A guy has a crazy baby’s mama he cannot control.
4. A male who is obviously sleeping around with every female he comes in contact with.
5. A guy who doesn’t want kids.
6. A guy who is not prepared to have a baby.
7. A guy who has a reckless lifestyle with no clear plans of where he is going with his life.
8. A guy who is not responsible for himself. He has no control over his finances. His mother or father pays for this upkeep.
9. He doesn’t have any long-term goals that include you. If you want to get married before kids. He has no goals of marrying you.
10. The guy who you know obviously doesn’t like you. If you like him and think you can convert him to like you after a child, think again!! If you like him and he doesn’t like you, you are only hurting yourself having a baby with him.

Think about the type of father you want to give your children. Give your children a man they can be proud of. Give them a father who will do them right all the days of their life. Give them a man who will fight for them.

The best gift you can give your future children is to pick a good man to be their father!!

To all great fathers out there.. God bless You for all you do!

With love,

9jagirl4real

Photo Credit: Google

African Proverbs about Love..

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Afrolove

1. Falling in love is easy, staying in love is the hustle. (- Africa)

2. It is better to be loved than feared. (- Sierra Leone)

3. One doesn’t love another if one doesn’t accept anything from her. (- Chad, Niger, Nigeria- Kanuri/Bornu)

4. Love doesn’t listen to rumors.

5. Love is like a baby: it needs to be treated tenderly. (- Congo)

6. If a woman doesn’t love you, she calls you brother. (- Ivory Coast– Baule)

7. People who love one another do not dwell on each other’s mistakes. (- Kenya- Gikuyu)

8. The house of a person we love is never far. (- Kenya- Gikuyu)

9. A letter from the heart can be read on the face. (- Kiswahili)

10. Love has to be shown by deeds, not words. (- Kiswahili)

11. Love doesn’t rely on physical features. (- Lesotho)

12. He who loves you; loves you with your dirt. (- Uganda- Ganda)

13. The way you got married isn’t the way you’ll get divorced. (- Haiti)

14. He who doesn’t like chattering women must stay a bachelor. (- Congo)

15. It is the habit that a child form at home, that follows them to their marriage. (- Nigeria)

16. If you marry a monkey for his wealth, the money goes and the monkey remains as is. (- Egypt)

17. Having beauty doesn’t mean understanding the perseverance of marriage. (- Africa)

18. If you do not travel, you will marry your own sister. (- Mozambique)

19. Marriage is like a groundnut: you have to crack them to see what is inside. (- Ghana- Akan)

20. The buttocks are like a married couple though there is constant friction between them; they will still love and live together. (- Africa)

21. He who marries a beauty marries trouble. (- Nigeria)

22. It is better to be married to an old lady than to remain unmarried. (- Uganda)

23. A woman who is not successful in her own marriage has no advice to give to her younger generations. (- Nigeria)

24. The man may be the head of the home but the wife is the heart. (- Kenya- Gikuyu)

25. He was entrapped by the evening, it has cost him his marriage. (- Bantu)

26. One who loves you, warns you. (- Uganda- Baganda)

27. Talking with one another is loving one another. (- Kenya)

For more African proverbs, please check out the below website.

Source

Image Source: Google

Financial Intelligence for Nigerian Men Dating Nigerian Women

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Hey Everyone,
This is my first vlog on 9jagirl4real.
This is something new I am starting on this blog!!

The blog is about helping people, I apologize for the mistake in the video.
Thanks for watching.
Please post or email me your comments.
God bless!!!

The Fantasy of love and the reality of Marriage..

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Tiwa Savage

From a young age, I have always known I would marry for love and nothing else.
I have grown to discover that is not enough.  I also have to use my head.
The reality is the heart will always want what it wants at all cost logical or illogical.

Be WISE!
Nowadays, love is not enough.
See your potential mate through the eyes of your future children, what would they say?
The person you choose could become the mother or father of your children.
Is this person the kind of mother or father you want for your children?
A wise man once said, “the spouse you choose is a reflection of your intelligence.”

Forget about their looks, money for once. Will your love stand the test of time?
Is your relationship built on a good foundation?
Will the strength of your love survive the test in marriage?
Whether you choose to stay or leave your marriage will affect your children.

Let’s make this practical.
You convinced a woman to marry you because you have money. Why are you surprise she left now that the money is gone? Whose fault is it?
Don’t blindly marry anybody. The reality of divorce is too real.

Know what you naturally like. Don’t settle for less and think you can change anybody when you enter marriage.
Don’t ignore anything that bothers you in the pre-marital stage thinking that marriage will solve it.
Marriage magnifies your problems.
Seek counsel from people in successful marriages.
Marry someone who genuinely loves you and you also love.

Life will test your marriage.
Equip your relationships with all the necessary tools you need to succeed in your marriage, you owe your children that much.

Take your time to build a solid foundation, so your love can stand the test of time.

Photo Credit: Google

 

Is your man a Hero or a Zero?

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Hero

Hey Semi. Remember me? I am that grad student you dumped because I couldn’t afford the Brazilian hair you wanted. I told you, “Babe, please be patient with me until I am done with graduate school.” You told me you couldn’t wait. You dumped our five year relationship for a guy who borrowed money to marry you. You broke my heart then I realized it was a blessing in disguise. Now, I have a woman who loves me for me, not my money. We are co-partners in our multimillion dollar business we started two years ago. When you left, I discovered women like my wife still exist. My wife and I are expecting our first child. We will be celebrating in Dubai; you are invited with your family. I hope you are happy in the hut with your husband.

I pray this will never be your portion in Jesus name! A lot of women like Semi are short-sighted to see beyond the present. I have heard stories like this time and time again where a lady mistakes a hero for zero and a zero for a hero. It is hard pill to swallow when you realize you have made a lifelong mistake you can’t eradicate. Thus, it is very important to recognize when the guy in your life is hero.

The concept of a hero or a zero is subjective. My hero may be your zero and vice versa. It is important for you to recognize who is a hero. Personally, the differences between a hero and a zero has more to do with character. But that’s just my opinion. No matter where that guy is today, see that guy five years from now. If he is still a zero then you need to let him go. No condition is permanent. If you miss out on a great guy, you have only yourself to blame. A man who is focused, disciplined, and working towards his goals is a hero regardless of what his bank account says. A man who has children he is not taking care of is a zero. A man who blames everybody but himself for his current state in life is a zero. A man who flashes with expensive cars with no savings towards his future is a zero. But a man who lives within his means and makes wise decisions with his money is a hero.

To be honest, if you miss out on a great guy, check yourself because you might be a zero.

Edited by: Kelli Busbee

This Movie Changed my Life..

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Favorite color.

PLAY

The room was dead silent as we were exchanging our vows and then she looked straight into my soul and said, “I will say ‘I do’ on one condition—you answer this question correctly.” My head started spinning. What was she doing? My whole family flew from Nigeria to come to this wedding. Even my professors, co-workers, classmates, and childhood friends were all here. My uncle, who hates to travel, was also present with his wife. In a blink of an eye, I saw myself acting in a Nigerian movie, but it felt real. Why am I an actor in this scary movie? This Nigerian movie was really happening in my life.

She asked, “what is my favorite color?” The million dollar question… I asked her whispering, “Baby, why are you asking me now? This is our wedding day..”  Of course, I didn’t know the answer so I started panicking on the inside. I looked at the bridesmaid’s dresses for a clue. The bridesmaids wore blue, so I answered, “Baby, it’s blue. Can we go on?” She stood for about a minute looking at me with tears rolling down her face and she turned to the maid of honor and gave her the flowers. She picked up her dress and ran. As she was running, I heard a lady say, “Gurl, he African… You better run, girl!!”

If this was a real Nigerian movie, the producers would add a dramatic Nigerian music here to compliment the shocking turn of events. I had no idea my fiancé was a track star. She ran so fast out of that church. My eyes in tears, I became Usain Bolt and ran after her. The church was in an uproar. Guests looked at each other confused.

I finally met up with my bride. I asked her what was going on. She said, “Baby.. you don’t know my favorite color.” I told her, “Baby, why did you wait till our wedding day to ask me?” She said, “Because I knew you would walk away if I said ‘no’ to your proposal.” Baby, I know you are under a lot of pressure to get married. Two months is not enough time to fully know a person. I really like you but I need time to get to know you fully and you know me as well.” My heart was burning in anger, disappointment, and anxiety. How did she expect me to march into a room filled with well-wishers only to tell them that there will be no wedding today? I spent a lot of money to help make this day happen. I look my baby in the eyes and it all made sense.

PAUSE

REWIND

Suli and I met in school. It was love at first sight, I liked her from the minute she said hello. It took her a while to catch the cupid arrow from me, though. I didn’t mind, I waited patiently as a “friend.” When we started dating, we were inseparable, we were like those romantic couples in American movies. We did everything together. Suli didn’t mind the idea of marriage. I spoke to her about marriage from day one that I neglected what she really wanted. I was so overwhelmed with my desires that I ignored her desires.

PLAY

We hugged each other and I told the MC to tell the audience that there will be no wedding today and they are free to eat and dance all night as their heart desires. Suli and I left hand-in-hand out of the wedding venue still in our wedding attires, we received several congratulations from strangers on our way to the car. We drove away still hand-in-hand.

FAST FORWARD

Two years later on a private stage with a few friends, a minister with some family members and she asked me, “What is my favorite color?” I answered, “You don’t have a favorite color, you silly girl.” She said, “I do,” and kissed me.

THE END

TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!

Morale of the Story: Nigerian guys stop proposing after the first date. What does she want? The world doesn’t evolve around you. Invest the time to know the person you are marrying.

Edited by: Kelli Busbee

 

My Royal Nigerian Wedding..

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RM 4Our invitation read “the parents …… and ….. request your presence at the joining of their children, Dr. Femi and Dr. Bola in holy matrimony.” Our wedding was the talk of town. Our wedding announcements were all over the news, blogs, and Nigerian websites. The single ladies envied me and gossiped about me in their domestic corners. Our guests were invited from all over the world. Our traditional wedding (cultural West-African) took place in a sophisticated island for the elites in Lagos, Nigeria. All six of my wedding planners were on stand-by making sure I was pleased on my dream day. Assorted wines were imported from France; even the goats killed for the occasion got a respectful death.

My husband is a US-trained brain surgeon. He is brilliantly sought after by the best of the best. He is naturally quiet in nature, but the grandeur of this day blew him away. Our guests were all given a uniform attire to grace our day in style. It was very amusing seeing our white friends in our traditional African attire. Our photographers, bloggers, and videographers were all imported from aboard. Presidents, Princes, and Princesses from different African countries honored our invitation. The best chefs and cooks served our eloquent dishes and Nigerian delicacies.

This is the wedding of my dream and I am not happy. The man I wanted was in his house drowning in his tears. I can’t stand the mere sight of him crying. I pleaded with him to understand. He cried, “What should I understand? Bola, I have dated you for six years and you are about to marry somebody else!! Why is this happening to me? I did not touch you from the very beginning because I wanted to marry..” (sobbing). We both cried and held each other. In my tears, I saw myself holding the man of my dreams while wearing another man’s engagement ring. My life became complicated.

Suku is a self-made millionaire with no college degree. My parents told me that they don’t want to associate themselves with an illiterate. I told them, he is not an illiterate, he is a millionaire. My father told me, “I am not interested in illiterate money.” For three years I pleaded with my parents to allow me to marry the man I loved, they refused. One precious day my mother blatantly scorned me about Suku saying she didn’t marry an illiterate and that only over her dead body would she allow me marry my love.

All Suku and I know to do these days is to hold each other and cry. He finally told me that he loved me so much that he will allow me to honor my parent’s wishes. I begged him not to give up on our love, he said, he wasn’t but he couldn’t watch me wait forever for an answer that will never come. We both cried for weeks when I told him that my parents agreed to Dr. Femi’s proposal to me. Dr. Femi is a great man with wonderful attributes; I already gave my heart to someone else. That guy my parents call an “illiterate” is the man of my dreams. He doesn’t have a college degree; he worked hard for every cent of his money. He built a multi-million naira business from scratch as an orphan.

This part is for my Nigerian ladies, who like me, are manipulated by their Nigerian parents to marry people they don’t want to marry. Don’t allow your Nigerian parents make the most important life decision for you. After the guests leave, the music stops, you take off your wedding dress, and marriage begins!! Life is too short to live with regrets. Make your own decisions, and take responsibility for the negative outcomes of your decisions. Your parents will one day die and leave you with your husband and you will have to figure it out. Don’t marry for status or to please anyone. I am not saying don’t listen to your parents, I am saying make your own decision and don’t let your parents make it for you. Marriage is a lifelong commitment.

Take your time and choose accordingly!!!

My marriage with Dr. Femi didn’t last.  The size of the love matters more than the size of the wedding. Money CAN’T buy happiness. Status CAN’T buy happiness.

I am back in the arms of the man of my dreams. I choose love. I choose Suku!

Respectfully yours,

Bola.

Edited by: Kelli Busbee

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Your Proverbs 31 someone..

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2348177588607 (1)

Photo Credits: Google

Ladies, the same for you.

Save Your KIDS!

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snapshot (2)Prospective mothers and fathers, see your mate through the eyes of your child(ren).
Proactive parents plan ahead for their child(ren).
Your future children deserve the best mother and father.
Does your mate want kids? What type of mother or father will your mate be to your child(ren)?
What type of mother or father do you want for your kids?
Will your mate be a good mother or father to your child(ren)?
See your mate through the eyes of your children. Would they approve?
The person you choose to have children with will affect your child’s life positively or negatively.
If a man is not taking care of his other kids, why would you choose him to be your child’s father?
Think about the future of your children and choose accordingly.
She has a big booty but can she selflessly take care of a child.
All women are not mothers. Some women have other priorities.
Some women don’t want children same goes for men.

Don’t bring a child into this world to suffer.
Your child deserves the best mother and father.
Think about your decisions and evacuate how they will impact your children’s lives.
Save your kid(s) the heart ache and choose wisely.

Your child deserves the BEST!!!