A lot of Nigerian guys hate the word “chivalry” or refuse to know that that word exist. I understand our culture supports the idea that men are superior to women, so men feel they don’t need to do much. Your Nigerian lady deserves to be treated like a lady. We make culture not the other way around.
Chivalry is a western custom we need to adopt into our culture. It’s not just about pulling out chairs or opening doors for your lady. It’s about treating your lady like a lady. Most Nigerian guys refuse to recognize chivalry because it acknowledges the woman first. Our aggressive Nigerian men want to be first in everything even before their wives. Practicing chivalry subconsciously affirms to your woman that she comes first before anybody else even you. Guys who practice chivalry are called “gentlemen.” Your Nigerian lady deserves to be with gentleman.
You will discover more benefits as you adopt chivalry into relationship. I know Nigerian women are strong women but we still need our guys to treat us like ladies. Some Nigerian women don’t like chivalry but if your lady loves it, do it!
Couples please make sure your Marriage is as beautiful as your wedding.
I have said this before and I will say it again..
If you had a fairy tale wedding, you also need to work hard to have your happy ending.
You have to INVEST in your Marriage!!!
Don’t neglect your Marriage.
The wedding was the easy part.
Invest in your relationship!!!!
Singles need to see more married couples who are truly happy in their marriage.
The stats are against marriage right now..
Single Ladies: Fantasize about your marriage not your wedding.
That’s the mistake of some women made. They invested more in their wedding than their marriage.
There’s no point having a big wedding, if it’s going to end in a divorce.
“The single hand that wipes your tears during your failures is better than the countless hands that come together to clap you
on your success.”-Mfon Abel Ekene
Nigerians,
I laugh as I watch this video of our Nigerian Parents but deep down I am scared that some of us will use this parenting style to raise our kids.
A lot of Nigerians children including myself were raised with an authoritarian parenting style.
I learned in college that there are four types of parenting styles:
1. Authoritative: Here the parent set rules and boundaries. The parent is responsive and nurturing and the parent is less likely to control their kids by induction of shame, guilt or withdrawal of love (Source)
2. Authoritarian: Parents are very strict with their kids (Most Nigerians can relate)
3. Permissive: Parents act as a friend towards their kids.
4. Uninvolved: Parents don’t care about the child.
I grew up with parents who used authoritarian parenting style and I have seen its damaging effects. It scares me that more Nigerians couples and future parents will use this parenting style without questioning it.
I am pleading with you present/future Nigerian parents to use a different parenting style because an authoritarian parenting style doesn’t help kids develop emotionally. Based on my observation of myself and siblings, I can say this parenting style has different effects on children. For me, I noticed that I became emotionally distant from the people I love. Agreed, this parenting style produces obedient children but at the cost of their emotional development.
This parenting style produces negative results because God created parents to be nurtures not dictators. You can discipline your kids without withdrawing love from them. A lot of Nigerians think that discipline is a form of love and I completely agree, but discipline is not the only form of love.
Providing for your kids financially caters to their physical needs not their emotional needs. Nigerians parents, your kids need to know and feel loved by you. I knew my parents loved me by their actions but they didn’t do much to make me feel loved. This is why I hate this parenting style because it focuses more on discipline and neglects the emotional needs of children.
You need to balance the discipline with love. You need to make sure that your children feel loved. Cater to their emotional needs because it is important. You need to hug, kiss your child, talk and play with your children regularly this will help them with their emotional needs. Once in a while sit down and have a communication with them without scolding.
Again, your children knowing you love them is not enough; you need to physically hug, kiss, talk and play with your children to help them develop emotionally. Be affectionate towards your children. Children are a gift from God, enjoy the journey.
Rule of thumb: As the discipline goes up, the love needs to go up as well.
In summary: Discipline your kids and still be affectionate because it is important for their emotional development.
Definition of culture: the behaviors and beliefs characteristic of a particular social, ethnic, or age group:
(www.Dictionary.com)
I lived in Nigeria for 12years and in the states for 12years. Some differences I have noticed in Nigerian and American culture. I left Nigeria 12years ago, some things about Nigeria might be different but you will get the gist.
General Culture:
-Nigerian culture: grouped by language. Each language has its own culture. People who speak the same language share the same culture. For example: People who speak Yoruba language share the same culture.
-American culture: It’s really hard to sum up the American culture because it’s so diverse. The way people think in the North is not the way people think in the South. I think the social norms are similar across the states.
Social Norms
Nigerian: Can’t call your elders by their first name. Instead you say “Aunty” or “Uncle” even though they are not related to you. Professionally: Say “Madame” or “Sir”
American: Can call elders by their first name. Professionally: Say “Ma’am” or “Sir”
Family:
Nigerian Parents: Very strict and not affectionate. They are not open to meeting girlfriends or boyfriends except you are getting engaged to them.
American Parents: Lenient and more affectionate. They are open to meeting the people their kids are dating.
Kids:
Nigerian: Kids can live with their parents till they get married with full support from their parents.
American: legal adult age is 18 which mean their parents can kick them out of the house at this age. That’s why a lot of Americans are independent by this age. Their culture encourages independence by 18.
Education:
Nigerian: Value Education.. Education is HUGE in our Culture!!!! Uneducated people are undermined and look down upon.
American: Education is huge in American Culture as well but it varies among ethnic groups.
School
Nigerian: Nursery, Primary and Secondary school students are required to wear uniforms. University students can wear what they like. Teachers and senior students can punish junior students in Primary and secondary schools.
American: Private school students have to wear uniforms. Public students can wear what they like. University students can wear what they like.
Clothing:
Nigerian: When I was in Nigeria, it wasn’t socially acceptable for girls to wear pants but I think time is changing (it’s becoming more socially acceptable).
American: Women can wear pants. It’s socially acceptable for women to wear pants. It is very possible for a woman to wear pants all year without wearing skirts and dresses (very possible).
Shopping:
Nigerian: You can bargain prices and buy things at a lower price. Supermarkets you can’t bargain.
American: No bargaining. The price you see is what you pay except they are on sale or you have a coupon. People can bargain at auctions and stuff.
Misc-
Nigerian: Social economic class competitions.
American: Race Issues
Greetings:
Nigeria: Shake hands elders with both hands instead of one. Never greet an elder with a left hand. Showing respect to elders is very important in our culture.
American: Doesn’t really matter.
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You can also use this book as a devotional.
It’s only $2.99 to get it on your kindle.
Recently my dad asked me if I have someone to marry?
I couldn’t believe my ears..
In my head, I couldn’t believe my dad asked me that question.
Before I left for school, I was given the advice focus on your books and no boys.
Having a boyfriend in my family as a girl is a taboo.
African Parents surprise me sometimes..
How am I supposed to have someone to marry when you clearly said I shouldn’t have any boys in my life while in school?
Was I wrong for taking your advice?
Did I commit any crime by obeying you as my parents?
I went to school focused on my books and I ignored a lot of guys out of respect for you and now, miraculously I need to be married because I am done with school.
Sometimes our African Parents are not fair..
They tell you to do something and when you do as you are told; they want to turn around to stab you in the back like you shouldn’t have taken their advice in the first place.
I am prepared to suffer any consequence of being obedient.
I refuse to become that lady who now wears miniskirts, dresses and heavy makeup in efforts to find her husband to appease her family.
Since when did my relationship with a man become more important than my relationship with God?
The whole time I was in school, you spoke to me about “God, God, God” after I graduated is about “husband, husband, husband.”
First of all it is not a girl’s place to find her husband.
If love doesn’t happen naturally then I guess, I will be single for a while.
Nobody is pressuring me to do anything.
I will not force myself on any guy to stop my family from bugging me about this husband thing.
I hate when African Parents pressure their daughters about marriage.
It is not a girl’s place to find her husband.
No African guy wants a desperate girl in the first place.
Stop pressuring your daughters because they are of age or done with school to get married.
Let love happen naturally.
If love doesn’t happen naturally for me, I will be single, content and full of life.
Guys chase girls to marry not the other way around.
Nobody should be pressuring any girl to find her husband.
Her husband should find her.
Till I meet my husband, I will be content in CHRIST.
Sorry dad, I am not going to force myself on any guy or marriage to appease you.
I need another blog because I have the life of my dreams in another country and it hurts me that a lot of my people are not living their dreams in their own country. I live in the states, I have constant light and water; however, my people have to use generators to see light and they have to carry water on their heads to bring to their houses before they have water in the house. Yes, I know what you are thinking, I am only a woman I can’t accomplish anything to help my people. I have no time to listen to critics when my people are suffering. The poor people in the States have better lives than people in my country.
Some say.. you are not smart enough.. I am not this or that. I DON’T CARE. MY PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING and I will scream to anyone who can hear me. My scream is for you educated Nigerians aboard to remember your people, and do something. Do Something! We have to do something. Our government has failed our people; we have to build each other up to build a better Nigeria. Today, I ate three times, we have college graduates on the streets selling pure water to put at least one meal on their table. We have to remember our people; we can’t enjoy the good of someone’s country and neglects ours. College graduates are gate mans, house boys and girls for rich people in Nigeria.
No matter where you go and how bad you want to forget your identity, it doesn’t change the fact that you are still a Nigerian. I speak with an American accent all day; it doesn’t change the fact that I am still a Nigerian. Neglect your people; neglect yourself because we are one. If you are doing well aboard please, remember your people and give back.
We think we have to help the whole country to help Nigeria. Not True! If you can help one Nigerian and that Nigerian helps another Nigerian… We will change Nigeria. There’s one thing I love most about Americans, they love community service. Americans work hard and they give back as well. If our country also had that sense of community service do you think our country would be where it is today? No! We need to adopt community service into our culture. Yes, some Nigerians don’t want progress. Help the Nigerians who want progress.
This is why I am starting another blog called INTERATIONAL EAGLES OF NIGERIA coming to wordpress in 2014.
Chivalry is a western custom we need to adopt into our culture. It’s not just about pulling out chairs or opening doors for your lady. It’s about treating your lady like a lady. Most Nigerian guys refuse to recognize chivalry because it acknowledges the woman first. Our aggressive Nigerian men want to be first in everything even before their wives. Practicing chivalry subconsciously affirms to your woman that she comes first before anybody else even you. Guys who practice chivalry are called “gentlemen.” Your Nigerian lady deserves to be with gentleman.
Nigerian. I speak with an American accent all day; it doesn’t change the fact that I am still a Nigerian. Neglect your people; neglect yourself because we are one. If you are doing well aboard please, remember your people and give back.