1. Rebel against the mindset that you need a man to take care of you.
If no one is hiring, start your own business. What can your hands do to bring you money?
Find it and do it!!
2. Rebel against the mindset that you MUST marry from your culture. I am a firm believer that love doesn’t discriminate. If he loves you and you love him, please do not give up fighting to be with the person you love.
3. Rebel against the mindset that you are supposed to manage in an abusive marriage.
4. Rebel against the mindset that you are second class citizen.
5. Rebel against the mindset that your self-worth is found in a relationship with a man. Find your self-worth outside your husband and marriage. Find your self-worth within.
Our invitation read “the parents …… and ….. request your presence at the joining of their children, Dr. Femi and Dr. Bola in holy matrimony.” Our wedding was the talk of town. Our wedding announcements were all over the news, blogs, and Nigerian websites. The single ladies envied me and gossiped about me in their domestic corners. Our guests were invited from all over the world. Our traditional wedding (cultural West-African) took place in a sophisticated island for the elites in Lagos, Nigeria. All six of my wedding planners were on stand-by making sure I was pleased on my dream day. Assorted wines were imported from France; even the goats killed for the occasion got a respectful death.
My husband is a US-trained brain surgeon. He is brilliantly sought after by the best of the best. He is naturally quiet in nature, but the grandeur of this day blew him away. Our guests were all given a uniform attire to grace our day in style. It was very amusing seeing our white friends in our traditional African attire. Our photographers, bloggers, and videographers were all imported from aboard. Presidents, Princes, and Princesses from different African countries honored our invitation. The best chefs and cooks served our eloquent dishes and Nigerian delicacies.
This is the wedding of my dream and I am not happy. The man I wanted was in his house drowning in his tears. I can’t stand the mere sight of him crying. I pleaded with him to understand. He cried, “What should I understand? Bola, I have dated you for six years and you are about to marry somebody else!! Why is this happening to me? I did not touch you from the very beginning because I wanted to marry..” (sobbing). We both cried and held each other. In my tears, I saw myself holding the man of my dreams while wearing another man’s engagement ring. My life became complicated.
Suku is a self-made millionaire with no college degree. My parents told me that they don’t want to associate themselves with an illiterate. I told them, he is not an illiterate, he is a millionaire. My father told me, “I am not interested in illiterate money.” For three years I pleaded with my parents to allow me to marry the man I loved, they refused. One precious day my mother blatantly scorned me about Suku saying she didn’t marry an illiterate and that only over her dead body would she allow me marry my love.
All Suku and I know to do these days is to hold each other and cry. He finally told me that he loved me so much that he will allow me to honor my parent’s wishes. I begged him not to give up on our love, he said, he wasn’t but he couldn’t watch me wait forever for an answer that will never come. We both cried for weeks when I told him that my parents agreed to Dr. Femi’s proposal to me. Dr. Femi is a great man with wonderful attributes; I already gave my heart to someone else. That guy my parents call an “illiterate” is the man of my dreams. He doesn’t have a college degree; he worked hard for every cent of his money. He built a multi-million naira business from scratch as an orphan.
This part is for my Nigerian ladies, who like me, are manipulated by their Nigerian parents to marry people they don’t want to marry. Don’t allow your Nigerian parents make the most important life decision for you. After the guests leave, the music stops, you take off your wedding dress, and marriage begins!! Life is too short to live with regrets. Make your own decisions, and take responsibility for the negative outcomes of your decisions. Your parents will one day die and leave you with your husband and you will have to figure it out. Don’t marry for status or to please anyone. I am not saying don’t listen to your parents, I am saying make your own decision and don’t let your parents make it for you. Marriage is a lifelong commitment.
Take your time and choose accordingly!!!
My marriage with Dr. Femi didn’t last. The size of the love matters more than the size of the wedding. Money CAN’T buy happiness. Status CAN’T buy happiness.
I am back in the arms of the man of my dreams. I choose love. I choose Suku!
Respectfully yours,
Bola.
Edited by: Kelli Busbee
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Heard a story of a brother and sister who attended the same church, got attracted to each other, started courting and eventually got married in the same church. Few weeks after their wedding, they had a misunderstanding and in the course of argument, the husband told the wife that if you say anymore word I will slap you and that she shouldn’t think he’s that kind of spiritual brother she met in church and that he only wanted to have a good wife in church and the wife also replied that if he dare slap her she will break bottle on his head and that she’s not the kind of spiritual sister he met in church and that she also wanted to get the right man in church. So that’s how two wrong partners in form of pretence got married.
The above story is just the truth about relationship, we were taught in physics that like charges repel while opposite charges attract but one of the things I’ve learnt in relationship is that like people attract and opposite people repel. You will attract the kind of person you are. A right person will attract the right partner while a wrong person will attract the wrong partner. So instead of hoping to find the right man/lady
for you, you can take time to ‘become the right person’ because the right partners are also looking for right persons that will complement them.
So let’s look at how to become the right person.
SELF-DISCOVERY: The fundamental thing required in becoming the right person is self-discovery. The problem we have among many young people is that they don’t know who they are and that is why they tends to dress anyhow, talk anyhow and do all manner of things just because they lack that sense of identity. The question is; who are you?Discovering yourself is not what you can do on your own, you don’t know yourself and once you don’t know the purpose of a thing abuse is inevitable. So self-discovery means knowing who you are and why you are created (your purpose). Until you know yourself, you can’t be the best that God wants you to be. It is in your discovery that you will get to know why you are created. It is your discovery that gives you an identity; it distinguishes you from everyone else and helps you to live life maximally. Discover your purpose today.
Like I said earlier that discovering yourself is not what you can do on your own, you don’t know yourself and it takes someone that knows you to reveal who you are to you. The only person who knows you is God (Jeremiah 1:5) and you need to have a relationship with God before He can reveal yourself to you, you need to be born again by accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and saviour. Jesus Christ is the one who connect us to God; He is the way to the Father (John 14:6).
For you to discover yourself, you must cultivate a daily relationship with God. You can only discover your purpose out of an intimacy with God. The more of God you know or the more you know God, the more you know yourself. Before you think of choosing the right partner you must first become the right person. God wants you to know Him before you know the right partner.
Adam had a personal relationship with God before God brought him a wife, let God form you and put you in the right place. You are to carry your relationship with God into your relationship with the opposite sex. Your relationship with God should be guideline for your relationship with the opposite sex. Spend time to study the word of God and let it become a part of you; discover the truth about you from the word of God. When you inquire of God, He answers you (Jeremiah 33:3)
Marriage is a continuation of God’s plan for your life; it is not something you can just rush into because the bulk of your life will be spent in marriage. So take time to discover yourself in God, discover your purpose and ensure you cultivate a daily relationship with God.
DESIRE AND DECIDE IT: It is not enough to wish to be the right person; you must desire it and decide you will be the right person no matter what. God honours our desires especially when we tell it to him in prayers (mark 11:24), so you must desire to be the right person and also pray that God make you the right person. Also, you are where you are today because of the decisions you have taking over time. The firm decision you take will help you to pay the sacrifices needed to become the right person. Daniel decided not to defile himself (Daniel 1:8), so you too can decide today to become the right person.
ADD VALUE TO YOUR SELF: One of the things that give us an edge in life is knowledge. Knowledge is life and power. You are who you are today because of what you know and what you don’t know. You are also responsible for what you know or don’t know.
So in order for you to become the right person, you must keep adding value to yourself (2 Peter 1:5-8), study books and materials that will make you become a better person. You also need wisdom, ask God for wisdom (James 1:5). Wisdom will make all the difference in your life. So get wisdom (Proverb 4:5-7).
Discover your talent, skill-up in the area of your talent, then decide and begin to deliver solutions to human problems using your talent. Improve on yourself, dress decent and moderately; you will be addressed by the way you dress(your appearance matters a lot). Read books on leadership, relationship, business, attend seminars and apply what you’ve learnt to your life.
POSITIVE ASSOCIATION: The people you associate with matters a lot in determining who you will become. Like the popular saying that says show me your friends and I will tell you who you are, you must be mindful of the people you associate with. Associate with godly people and make friends with people you know you want to be like. If you must become the right person, you must make conscious effort to select who you associate with. He that walks with the wise shall be wise (prov 13:20).
MIND YOUR MIND
You need to mind what you allow into your mind. It also goes a long way in determining who you will turn out to be. Carefully scrutinize the materials you feed on. You are a product of what you allow into your life. So you must constantly guard your heart (prov 4:23). The songs you listen to, the movies you watch and the magazine you read all contribute to who you become in life. You need to constantly renew your mind with the word of God and disabuse your mind from various lies and deceit of the devil. Let the word of God transform you into the right person you want to become (Rom 12:2).
A guy sent a girl this picture and asked her “Would go all out like this on your wedding day?”
Her response:
No that’s too much money to spend on a wedding. The decorations are breathtaking but I would rather invest more in my relationship with my husband (my marriage) or use that money to help people instead of wasting it on too much decorations. What about you? Would you go all out like that for your wedding?
His response:
Is whatever the Wife wants. Our wedding day is her day as long as it makes her happy and we can afford it. How can I try to bring happiness to others if I can’t bring happiness to the one closest to me? Charity begins at home abi.
My response:
Omo your wife is blessed o among women. I hope she realizes what she has and doesn’t take your beautiful amazing heart for granted.
Nigerian football is always of great controversy, will the team complain about not being paid enough just like other African countries do or will the play with the passion and national pride we all know they can. Even though some games they do play with passion, something unexplainable always happens that defies all laws of the universe and Nigeria loses the game (Yakabu eh!!).
This game can be summed up in three words “Messi Versus Enyema”. At the last world cup, messi, fresh off a Ballon D’or winning season and the weight of Argentina came face to face against Vincent Enyema of Nigeria. Everyone thought the game would end with a possible thrashing dealt to Nigeria due to the opposition only using two defenders but a Hollywood twist occurred. Enyema rose to the occasion and stifled messi with five point blank saves. The inquest is will the same performance be replicated today? Will the villain (messi) succeed at the second trial or does the Hero of the super eagles come through as always. The stage has been set, enter actors and plot twists.
Our invitation read “the parents …… and ….. request your presence at the joining of their children, Dr. Femi and Dr. Bola in holy matrimony.” Our wedding was the talk of town. Our wedding announcements were all over the news, blogs, and Nigerian websites. The single ladies envied me and gossiped about me in their domestic corners. Our guests were invited from all over the world. Our traditional wedding (cultural West-African) took place in a sophisticated island for the elites in Lagos, Nigeria. All six of my wedding planners were on stand-by making sure I was pleased on my dream day. Assorted wines were imported from France; even the goats killed for the occasion got a respectful death.
Heard a story of a brother and sister who attended the same church, got attracted to each other, started courting and eventually got married in the same church. Few weeks after their wedding, they had a misunderstanding and in the course of argument, the husband told the wife that if you say anymore word I will slap you and that she shouldn’t think he’s that kind of spiritual brother she met in church and that he only wanted to have a good wife in church and the wife also replied that if he dare slap her she will break bottle on his head and that she’s not the kind of spiritual sister he met in church and that she also wanted to get the right man in church. So that’s how two wrong partners in form of pretence got married.
