Tag Archives: Family

Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy

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Last year, I decided to leave home. It was a bold step for me seeing that my culture encourages unmarried ladies to stay grounded at home until Mr. Right comes around. After a tumultuous undergrad journey, I decided to pursue my graduate studies. As an immigrate (unfortunately…) I had to anticipate out-of-state fees even though I have been in the United for States for more than 10 years (do not ever overstay a visa in America). Grad school meant staying at home to go to school which to me really sucked (my biggest regret in life!).

My Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy journey began in May 2019 when I finally graduated from grad school (Thank God!) For those who do not know me, I am noticeably big on family. Last year was the most pivotal year in my Nigerian journey in the United States. I did not realize going to school and staying at home was a big mistake. It was last year that I finally realized that I should have left home sooner than I did. I hope you learn from my mistake.

One can argue, there is no healthy family because there is no perfect family. That is true! I think what I am trying to say is you need to be in a healthy environment. It is important for your growth and your peace of mind. Sometimes, I wonder the person I would have been if I had left home earlier. Would have I been happier? Smarter? Who knows… I am all for the Nigerian culture but I think your peace of mind is more important.

In my opinion, I was the perfect daughter. I had faced something tumultuous in my undergrad but I persevered. I didn’t really have a real boyfriend until I was 30 years (I am 31 now). I followed all the rules, heck! I was a choir director at my church for 4 years. I was the praise and worship leader at some point. I was humble, thoughtful, and respectful. I was meticulous to make sure I did not bring shame to my family.

I thought home was supposed to be an incubator of positive minds and energy. My home environment from 2012-2019 turned out to be a nightmare. It has always been a nightmare, but last year took the blindfold from my eyes. Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy is my journey to heal from all the negativity 2012-2019 brought my way.

I love Jesus. I have always had a soft spot for God from an incredibly young age. I took my relationship with God more seriously in my High School years. I would spend days fasting and praying for days. I would post bible verses all over my side of the wall when I shared a room with my immediate older sister. I didn’t do these things so I would be viewed differently by my parents or family members. I honestly took my relationship with God to another level.

I remember when I started my period (menstrual cycle) and my mother told me “don’t play with boys” that was her failed attempt in teaching me about the birds and the bees. From that point onward, my mother has had an interesting relationship with my stomach. Huh? Exactly. You heard me, my stomach or abdominal area. I remember one faithful Sunday wearing an outfit and going to ask my mother what she thought about the outfit. She had nothing to say yet, proceeded to lift my shirt to look at my stomach. She could not find what she was looking for there. She proceeded to look at my breast. I did not understand what this meant until I got older.

For my non-Nigerian Readers, most Nigerian mother’s biggest fear is their daughter getting pregnant out of wedlock. I cannot remember what year I started my period. From the time I started my period till 2019, my mother had suspected me of per-marital pregnancy.

Mind you, I did not get my first boyfriend still I was 30 years old. Jesus, Nigerian, and Therapy is a journey I should have embarked on years ago. The worse part my mothers’ suspicion was that she brought it to church. With my eyes closed, hands raised high, I would open my eyes to my very observant mother eyes’ wide open and looking at my abdomen. I was not a flat belly kind of chick which made matters worse.

I did everything right. I graduated undergrad. I worked. I paid my bills religiously. I contributed to the household to the best of my ability. If there were other expectations of me, there were not clearly stated and thus, absolutely none of my business. I put myself in grad school and paid my way through with less than 11,000 in debt even after paying out of states fees. I worked hard to not disgrace my family, yet my good deeds were completely ignored. I was obviously too good to be true which is why someone would open their eyes in the presence of God to scrutinize the size of my belly in Church. In 2019, I completely lost it!

This post is not to make my mother look bad. She was not the only person who was suspicious of my per-marital woes. There were other women in my church who did the same thing. Morale of this post is, it does not matter how good you are, people will put you in whatever bracket they choose to put you in. You must break free and stay true to yourself.

I give you permission to leave any environment that does not foster growth. You must leave any environment that sows negativity when you are trying to stay positive for yourself and your future. I did that. I left for my sanity. I left because I did not want to become a product of a toxic environment. You are a product of your environment if you continue to stay. Your life and future matters. Leave as soon as possible and get yourself a good therapist.  This is where the therapy part comes in.

The truth is hurt people hurt others. You must make time to forgive and heal from the negative influences of your environment. Your life is worth it. Please never stop healing..

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever”

Psalms 73:26
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My friendship with Mr. B..

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Who is Mr. B? Mr. B is a childhood friend who attended the same after church service I attended when we were younger in Nigeria. He is now grown, smart and very fine in the United Kingdom. He doesn’t remember me from his childhood, so we had to get to know each other all over again.

Mr. B and I talked for a few months until something interesting happened. When Mr. B talked to me, I honestly thought he was talking to me as a friend with no strings attached until Mr. C came into the picture. Mr. C is his friend in the States. Mr. C started throwing games my way and Mr. B became jealous, I could tell. Mr. B didn’t know I was already interested in him, I wish he had said things in time. It was after Mr. C came into the picture was when I knew how Mr. B really felt. At the time I was very angry about the situation because I was put in this very weird situation.

Regardless, I have a lot of respect for Mr. B. If Mr. C didn’t come into the picture, I would still be talking to Mr. B as if nothing serious would happen. He later told me that his goal was to pursue friendship first. I absolutely respect that. Most guys who come into my life, don’t value friendship anymore. There are somethings about Mr. B I don’t like hey, nobody is perfect.  This guy rocks!!!  He could be playing me though, who knows?!

“As for life every turn of it has it reasons, and once we are in God’s calendar what was meant to be would always be”-Mr. B
Note to Mr. B:
None of this is relevant.

Save Your KIDS!

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snapshot (2)Prospective mothers and fathers, see your mate through the eyes of your child(ren).
Proactive parents plan ahead for their child(ren).
Your future children deserve the best mother and father.
Does your mate want kids? What type of mother or father will your mate be to your child(ren)?
What type of mother or father do you want for your kids?
Will your mate be a good mother or father to your child(ren)?
See your mate through the eyes of your children. Would they approve?
The person you choose to have children with will affect your child’s life positively or negatively.
If a man is not taking care of his other kids, why would you choose him to be your child’s father?
Think about the future of your children and choose accordingly.
She has a big booty but can she selflessly take care of a child.
All women are not mothers. Some women have other priorities.
Some women don’t want children same goes for men.

Don’t bring a child into this world to suffer.
Your child deserves the best mother and father.
Think about your decisions and evacuate how they will impact your children’s lives.
Save your kid(s) the heart ache and choose wisely.

Your child deserves the BEST!!!

My conversation with a 33 year old Akwa Ibom Millionaire..

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Fine 3When I talk to people in Nigeria, they tell me “Your own is good because you are in America.”
Guess what? You can make it in Nigeria.
I spoke to a self-made millionaire yesterday. He is not a politician and he is lives in Akwa Ibom.
When his mates were chasing government jobs, he was working hard to start his business.
He told me yesterday, he now has 80 employees.
This guy wasn’t born with a silver spoon in his mouth.
His father died in his early thirties. He had no rich uncles to give him money to start his business.
He was passionate about what he does and he worked hard to own his business.

He is nobody’s employee. He is a BOSS!
He said in his early stages of his business, he would pay his own way to speaking events without getting a dime.
There are people who wait for things to happen to them and there are people who make things happen.
Which one are you?
If you are making excuses for your present financial economic state, you are not serious about your future.
Go out there and make things happen for yourself.
If it is legal, go for it.
You are the master of your own destiny.
Anything is possible with God, perseverance, passion, and determination.
You can do it.
No excuses.

Naira SignYou know what troubles this guy now? He has a dilemma of choosing between Dubai and South Africa for his honeymoon.  That’s a good problem to have.

Stop making excuses.

You can SUCCEED in Nigeria!

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Is God Real? Austin Answers..

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Scientism never gave my life meaning. Being an Atheist led me to attempt suicide. I cursed the name of God and demonized Christians. When I spat at churches and disregarded purpose. I hated people and I hated myself. Christ saved me at the very moment I wanted to die. Christ saved me when I attempted to slit my wrists. Christ saved me by putting me into a specific apartment at a specific time with a specific man of God, Emem Akpanekong, during his specific prayer for God to give him someone who loved the Lord as much as he did. God stopped Emem’s prayer to demand that he talk to me about Christ.

I say all of this to make you understand who I was. Do not give up on someone who hates you for your belief. Do not give up on people who disregard purpose in this life. Do not give up on people who curse God and curse your life. I was that person long ago. But God always saw me as the person I am today. Redeemed by the blood and glorified by the Son.

Written by Austin Lucas

Austin would’ve died and forgotten but he is in Law School.
God is still in the business of changing lives.
He is knocking at the door of your life. Will you let him in?

 

A tribute to Charleston Shooting Victims..

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Written by: Justin Anderson

No words can articulate how deeply saddened, outraged, appalled, and disgusted I am with the shooting massacre that took place at the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, SC which is my home state. My prayers, thoughts, and support go out to all the victims and their families and loved ones! You know, being a Black man in this country, I often wonder how much has changed for my people since President Lincoln signed this so called, “Emancipation Proclamation” in 1863 that supposedly was the beginning of the liberation of the Black slaves.

When I take a look at what is happening to my fellow African-Americans: We are still being lynched and murder through the means of police brutality and white racist gun owners who often times are found not guilty, that is even if they get charged first. We make up approximately 12 percent of the American population but make up over 50% of the prison population. We are the poorest people financially as a whole in this country owning approximately around 1% percent of the nation’s wealth as a group. Then, we still have to face racial discrimination, prejudice, and profiling in all areas of people activity. Now we are being killed in our own churches by racists? We need to wake up Black community!!! Racism white supremacy has declared war on us, particularly the black man! We are being SLAUGHTERED by the masses now! How many more INNOCENT black lives are we going to lose to racism white supremacy? I am convinced it is safe nowhere in this country for black males now! Police brutality has gotten so bad, as a Black man, I know if I am ever just in the presences of a White police officer, I am in the middle of a life or death situation hands down. The question is what do we do about this genocide towards our community?

#BlacklivesMatter

#BlacklivesMatter

It is going to take more than just PRAYER my fellow African-Americans! That is why the Black church has become so ineffective now; too many of us are SO HEAVENLY MINDED that we are NO EARTHLY GOOD! The book of James in the Bible states faith without works is dead! We as black people need to come together spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, and most importantly financially and build our own BLACK economy! We need to have our own businesses, organizations, and institutions solely Black owned and operated! But in order to do that we will have to put aside all these petty differences we have with one another and work together as a team and see each other as allies: not enemies!

Then we will have the POWER and INFLUENCE to PUNISH those who even THINK about trying to harm us in any way! We can then ameliorate our lives of our people educationally, health wise, living condition wise, and politically! We need POWER in our community to protect ourselves and MAKE things happen in our favor! ?#?BLACKLIVESMATTER?!!

Black Americans through the eyes of a foreigner:

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10 Things that make me angry about Black Americans…

1. Black Americans who blame white people for their problem- I can’t stand people who blame others for their problems.  Take responsibility for your life. White people are not responsible for your problems. You are your biggest problem. You will continue to be a victim of slavery if you believe that whites are responsible for your plights.

2. Black Americans who burn stores, businesses in the name of protesting- Using violence to protest violence is a contradiction. Martin Luther King Jr would be disappointed, if he was here. Martin Luther King jr. didn’t use violence to fight for your freedom. Peaceful protest is the way to go.

3. If you are afraid of white people, you need to check yourself: mental slaver y is the worst type of slavery. Whites can’t do anything to you. The best way to win this racism war is to be successful. If success is not your aim your fore-fathers fought for nothing. Fear will subject you to live a mediocre life.

4. Black American men who refuse to take care of their children. The one that hurts the most are the Black American men who know what it feels like to grow up without a father and they choose to put their children through the same. You are a disgrace to the whole black race.

  1. Black American women who have children for irresponsible black men. You clearly know that he is not taking care of his other five children and you are having a child for him. Why? God forgive all you Black American women who don’t care how your choices will affect the future of your children.
  2. 6. Men who choose women over their children. If she doesn’t love your children, she is not worth it. Your children matter.
  3. 7. Black on black crimes: of course, I don’t condone killing people period. You fulfill the wishes of the slave masters by killing each other. Continue kiling each other in the name of mental slavery. Let’s call it what it is.8. Successful black American men and women who are not mentors for other black males and females. We need more black men to mentor young adult men especially those without fathers in their lives.

    9. Successful black men and women who allow their success to enter their heads to the point that they forget their race. You are disgrace to your generation.

10. Black Americans who choose to be Statistic. Raise above the statistics because you must.

I see Greatness in you Black Americans. Do you?

God bless the Broken Road..

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God bless the Broken Road..

Recently, I find myself asking God “why?”
We serve an amazing God that even when negative things happen in our lives; he uses it for a greater good.

So when negative things happen in my life, I tell God “thank you for the broken road,” it’s through the broken road that I really understand God’s sovereignty.
The broken road tells me about myself and pulls me closer to God.
The broken road allows me to trust God’s plan and purpose for my life.
The broken road gives me a testimony to encourage others.

As Christians we are not immune to struggles, pain, tears and problems.
However, he promised he will never leave us nor forsake us.
I don’t complain about the broken road because it is part of the journey.
The broken road allows me to use my pain to help others.

Thank God for the broken Road!!!!

What does the broken road mean to you?

Signs you are dating a boy and not a man..

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Man vs. Boy We often think that maturity comes with age, but that’s not always the case. A man can be a boy at any age.

  1. He has children that he is not taking care of: A real man takes care of his children even if it means paying child support. He is grown enough to take on his responsibility. On top of that he tries to be in his children’s lives.
  2. He has 3 or more baby mamas: At some point a man has to realize that too many baby mama is too stressful to keep up. So he commits to one woman.
  3. It’s a beauty contest with a boy: the pretty girl will always win. A man’s attraction goes beyond looks. Looks will get a man’s attention, but character, values will keep his attention.
  4.  A boy has no future goals: He lives with no purpose.
  5. He is financially reckless: he has no savings, but he invests so much money in pimping his ride. He doesn’t understand the importance of budgeting, saving and future planning. He works, but he is constantly asking people for money.
  6.  A boy lives his life to impress others.
  7.  He sags his pants. There’s nothing mature about anyone who sags their pants.
  8.  You find yourself mothering him.
  9. Spends his whole day playing play station.
  10.  He flirts with other women in front of you.You need a MAN and not a boy!! 

More articles to read:
http://jamesmsama.com/2014/09/29/3-clear-differences-between-dating-men-and-boys/
http://likes.com/relationships/10-signs-your-dating-a-boy-not-a-man
http://thoughtcatalog.com/christine-stockton/2014/08/10-signs-youre-dating-a-boy-not-a-man/

Photo Credit: Google

For Single Christian Ladies: Chase God and Look Good

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Chase God and look Good is a simple way to combat desperation while putting things under perspective.

Chasing God is very important for us as singles because only God can complete us. You know what the bible says “seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added” Matthew 6:33. As a single the type of guy I want is also chasing God so we will find each other in Christ. God doesn’t want us to idolize relationships, marriages.. He wants us, complete in Him first. Chasing God will also help us to focus our relationship with Christ instead of looking for our significant other. Don’t forget that “every good and perfect gift comes from the Lord” James 1:17. A good man is a gift from God. It makes more sense to chase the giver of good gifts.

Why should you look good? Men are visual creatures. The same way you want your man to look fly when you meet him. You should strive to look fly to impress him too. One of the greatest lie I told myself as a single was “I wanted a guy who loved my inner beauty and not my outward.” So for years, I didn’t wear makeup (Yikes!!). My non-wearing make-up days didn’t go so well. The reality is that guys are visual creatures. I didn’t have a lot of guys in my social circle yet I wanted a guy to like my inner beauty first. How was that going to happen?

Chasing God and looking good puts us in a win-win situation because no man in this world can complete us except Christ. The looking good is so that your husband doesn’t bleed the “blood of Jesus” when God points you out to him. There’s no need to act desperate as we chase God the husband will come.

Hebrew 12:2-“Looking onto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith.”