I am reading this book “Why I love Black women by Michael Dyson” and I will do a book review soon. Love this book.
Here are some wise quotes from this book..
“I think a lot of Sisters are just looking in the wrong places and settling for all the wrong things..money and cars. If they only knew the best man to find is one that truly loves God, because if he does, he can’t help himself but love you.”
“Learn to love yourself which will protect you being vulnerable to men who seek to disrespect, reject, or misuse women”
I am tired of hearing about black men mistreating their women so I will be posting information on this blog to empower women. We need to love ourselves enough to walk out of abusive relationships.
It’s a taboo to be Single and Nigerian. A guy told me the other day “Hey, you need to go out and start meeting people” to increase my chances of meeting Mr. Right to marry.
People, please help me answer this question..
IS IT A WOMAN’s Responsibility to find her husband?
Why does everybody at a certain stage in woman’s life metamorphose to relationship experts?
LEAVE US SINGLE LADIES ALONE..
Please, marriage is not by force.
Again, it is not a woman’s job to find her husband.
I pursue God and he will bless me at his own time.
I REFUSE to go out searching..
Nigerian women we need to watch who we talk to..
It is not a woman’s job to go searching for her husband.
If he can’t find me when I travel, work, church or wherever I am then he is not for me.
-Masculine (huge muscles and all), Dark-skinned and everything masculine (nothing feminine)..
My man is the kind of man you look at and all you see is a “MAN!!”
I like my Man EXTRA, EXTRA MANLY with no trace of femininity.
Ladies, its very easy to focus on the physical characteristics of what we want in man that we forget the most important thing.
Looks are important too don’t get it twisted but character is more important.
Trust me, I want a man who looks good but most importantly I want a man who..
1. Loves God
2. Loves people
3. Great father
….etc.. etc..
His muscles will go through natural old age atrophy. His good looks will disappear one day. There’s more to love than just looks. Let’s forget about looks for a second. What kind of man do you want?
Please write it down..
Start by writing “I want a man who”
Example:
1. Provides for his family
2. Hardworking
3. Honest
4. Intelligent
5. Educated
6. Ambitious
7. Loves children
8. Wants to have his own family
9. Loves me
10. Cares about his children
11. Loves God
12. Not lazy
13. Has a job or working towards a career.
14. Treats me well
Write characteristics that really matter to you.
It makes no sense to have a good looking guy who has all the swag in the world but can’t provide or has no plans. If God gives you a man who has the important qualities and looks good too? Girl, you are blessed! I am tired of seeing ladies deduce their value for “looks.”
There’s no perfect man but somethings in life is more important than looks.
Think about this question before you read my answer.
When things don’t go our way in our relationships, we break up. A lot of people enter into relationships to see what they can get not what they can give. How is your dating relationship, preparing you for marriage? Are you learning to forgive each other? Are you learning the importance of communication? Marriage stands against everything this dating culture stands for. Marriage is about love and commitment. How many of us are truly committed to “forever”? Most people on their wedding days quote “till death do us part” but how many of them run out when issues come up. We are so used to breaking up that the idea of divorce doesn’t seem that bad to us. Is our breaking up habit setting us up for divorce later?
Here is a theory from a schoolmate..
“Ok, I have a theory. I am going to call it, Anderson’s 21st Century of Relationship and Marriage Dysfunction. Young adults in the 21st century under the age of forty, have a problem with the word “sacrifice.” In order to have and maintain a strong marriage and relationship sacrifice is a required necessary element! However, because of the power and innovation of technology, young adults have become selfish, self-centered, egotistical, and have developed the Burger King mentality of thinking “they can have it their way.”
Therefore, if they cannot have what they want, when, where, and how they want it, the relationship or marriage is rendered not worth it and a break up is effective immediately! Not to mention those who remain single past forty never been married or in a longstanding relationship because they say they couldn’t find anybody they were interested in; they did not once even question if whether or not there expectations were even slightly “unrealistic,” which…they usually were! To conclude my theory: selfishness and lack of sacrifice are destroying relationships and marriages in young adults in the 21st century! This is just part one of my theory!”- Justin Anderson
After doing my research, I found four points were present in all the sources I reviewed. It became too redundant that it bored me.
4 Points I found in all my Sources:
1. Africans really think that Black-Americans are violent and lazy- One the sources clearly said that Africans are picking up the white’s fear of blacks (I thought this was very interesting).
2. Africans hate the fact that African-Americans blame slavery and racism for most of their problems.
3. Africans don’t understand why African-Americans don’t take advantage of the many opportunities available to them here in the States.
4. Africans think that a lot of Black-Americans are ignorant about Africa because they still have this primitive, old perception of Africans.
Of course this is not TRUE for all Africans. The four points above could be one of the reasons why Africans look down on Black Americans. All four points were found in all the sources I reviewed. Interesting points, I also found..
1. Africans know their identities are not easily offended when people try to put them down (found in the first source).
2. Africans and Black-American respond to adversity differently. Black-Americans blame the system while Africans are willing to do any jobs instead of blaming the system (found in the first source).
3. Africans receive better treatments from whites which angers Black-Americans (found in the second source).
4. Africans see education as a tool that open the doors within the American society(found in the second source).
The only thing that could undermine this research is that I did not review more sources. Honestly after two educational sources and a research based article with the same results… The light bulb came on.
I have 439 blog posts on 9jagirl4real.
Out of 439 blog posts on 9jagirl4real, you would be surprised to know that one particular blog gets the most attention.
Which one is it?
Stats from 5/25/13-5/25/14
Let’s make this easier to read..
Blog
Views
Home Page
1,229
Nigerian Men 101
461
Nigerian vs. American Culture
264
Africa 101: African Fashion
259
Ted Talk Review: The Skill of Self Confidence by Dr. Ivan
146
Africa 101: Where do Africans live?
113
Let’s look at the top blog posts:
Why does Nigerian Men 101 have the most views?
1. It could be because it has the picture of Kerry Washington in it. Kerry Washington right now is hot cake because of Scandal.
2. Non-Nigerian women are curious about Nigerian men. 3. There are no resources out there to educate Non-Nigerian women about Nigerian Men. 4. Nigerian Men are hot and they are in demand. 5. It could also be that more Nigerian men are chasing after Non-Nigerian women.
It could be any of those reasons above. To be honest, I think this blog post gets the most views because women are actually searching for information about Nigerian men. You don’t believe me? Take a look at this..
The chart below shows Google referrals to my blog.
Search engines refer people to my blog base on their search topics or questions.
Look at the chart below and see how many times someone searched about dating Nigerian men..etc.
I do apologize the chart is a little hard to see. According to the Chart, it shows that Nigerian vs. American culture had the most search referrals.
If you look closely you will see searches such as: “dating a Nigerian man,” “dating Nigerian man” and “Dating Nigerian men.”
Is this self-hate or what? A lot of our people are forcing themselves to have American or British accents. Is it by force?
Why are people in Nigeria with British or American accents?
The surprising thing is that most people with these accents have lived their whole lives in Nigeria.
Ramsey Nouah was born and raised in Nigeria, but he has an American accent.
Our Nigerian movies are not helping the matter either.
How can you have a Nigerian character with an American accent?
Come on, directors..
Tell your actors and actresses to portray the characters well.
A Nigerian character that is born and raised in Nigeria should have a Nigerian accent.
I have lived in the US for 13years.
My accent has gradually changed because I came here at a young age.
I didn’t force it but it happened because of my society.
Honestly, I prefer my Nigerian accent.
Nigerians, why are we not proud of who we are?
Why do we try to be other people?
I worked in a restaurant for a while.
One day, I was taking this man’s order and he started laughing at my face because of my accent.
I didn’t care. That’s his ignorance not mine.
We don’t see Americans or British people trying to talk like us in their movies except they are imitating us.
We are Nigerians..
We have to embrace it with our accents and all.
We are not perfect but every country has its trouble.
Americans are proud to be Americans.
British people are proud of themselves.
We have to know our identity before we can start a change movement in our country.
Definition of culture: the behaviors and beliefs characteristic of a particular social, ethnic, or age group:
(www.Dictionary.com)
I lived in Nigeria for 12years and in the states for 12years. Some differences I have noticed in Nigerian and American culture. I left Nigeria 12years ago, some things about Nigeria might be different but you will get the gist.
General Culture:
-Nigerian culture: grouped by language. Each language has its own culture. People who speak the same language share the same culture. For example: People who speak Yoruba language share the same culture.
-American culture: It’s really hard to sum up the American culture because it’s so diverse. The way people think in the North is not the way people think in the South. I think the social norms are similar across the states.
Social Norms
Nigerian: Can’t call your elders by their first name. Instead you say “Aunty” or “Uncle” even though they are not related to you. Professionally: Say “Madame” or “Sir”
American: Can call elders by their first name. Professionally: Say “Ma’am” or “Sir”
Family:
Nigerian Parents: Very strict and not affectionate. They are not open to meeting girlfriends or boyfriends except you are getting engaged to them.
American Parents: Lenient and more affectionate. They are open to meeting the people their kids are dating.
Kids:
Nigerian: Kids can live with their parents till they get married with full support from their parents.
American: legal adult age is 18 which mean their parents can kick them out of the house at this age. That’s why a lot of Americans are independent by this age. Their culture encourages independence by 18.
Education:
Nigerian: Value Education.. Education is HUGE in our Culture!!!! Uneducated people are undermined and look down upon.
American: Education is huge in American Culture as well but it varies among ethnic groups.
School
Nigerian: Nursery, Primary and Secondary school students are required to wear uniforms. University students can wear what they like. Teachers and senior students can punish junior students in Primary and secondary schools.
American: Private school students have to wear uniforms. Public students can wear what they like. University students can wear what they like.
Clothing:
Nigerian: When I was in Nigeria, it wasn’t socially acceptable for girls to wear pants but I think time is changing (it’s becoming more socially acceptable).
American: Women can wear pants. It’s socially acceptable for women to wear pants. It is very possible for a woman to wear pants all year without wearing skirts and dresses (very possible).
Shopping:
Nigerian: You can bargain prices and buy things at a lower price. Supermarkets you can’t bargain.
American: No bargaining. The price you see is what you pay except they are on sale or you have a coupon. People can bargain at auctions and stuff.
Misc-
Nigerian: Social economic class competitions.
American: Race Issues
Greetings:
Nigeria: Shake hands elders with both hands instead of one. Never greet an elder with a left hand. Showing respect to elders is very important in our culture.
American: Doesn’t really matter.
-Masculine (huge muscles and all), Dark-skinned and everything masculine (nothing feminine)..
